Is the pool at Lemoore Kelly Slater's micro barrel coup de grace?
And I’m not asking for a friend because I really want to know. Me. Chas Smith. Onetime PEN award nominee (buy here!) All-time mixed-martial-arts master.*
The 2019 World Surf League Championship Series has been a heater so far, thanks in no small to our BeachGrit. The contests sizzle like they never have. Each Joe Turpel word singes and not because the contests have been superlative or Joe Turpel’s words extra spicy but because we, for the first time in recorded history, have watched these events together thanks to live chats, more or less.
And watching them with you (save J-Bay…. I love but too nasty time-wise!) then reading Jen See and Longtom straight afterward has given me the greatest appreciation for the 2019 World Surf League Championship Series.
Has it not been the best campaign ever?
Superlative physical accomplishments featuring John John Florence, heart-wrenching physical pain featuring John John Florence’s knee and Kolohe Andino. Steph Gilmore outshining every professional on tour, one moment, getting lapped by Carissa Moore the next.
With Teahupo’o in the dock, I can barely contain myself. It’s going to be shit, isn’t it. Global warming is going to serve up 2 foot micro barrels but would you like to know the micro barrels that really worry me?
Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch and honestly and truly fuck that place. It is an abomination not worthy of professional surfing. A mirage that not only derails the professional surfing season in its home stretch but also threatens to negate the poetry written by Steph Gilmore, Filipe Toledo, Carissa Moore, Gabriel Medina, Italo Ferreira, Kanoa Igarashi and Kolohe Andino all year long.
I’m totally not wrong.
Am I?
Kelly Slater invented his Surf Ranch so his damned eleven world titles will be sure to stand the test of time.
Didn’t he?
Please tell me I’m wrong.
Please tell me Kelly Slater isn’t an evil mastermind leaving wave tank world titles in his wake.
why did you cut my head off?
We are good at relocating spiders from inside the house.
Do you speak of Surf Ranch or the future site of the Surfing Hall of Fame? Where eventually fat tourists will come and gander at Ke11y’s trophies and watch rich kids thread tubes in the pool. Ah, yes, one day, it will have nearly as many revenue streams as Disney. We can only hope!
Food?
,,,,,,,,,,fishing
Perhaps they should add a juvenile level, pro surfer art show to the wake ranch surfing experience.
And, is there a pro out there who would please go big poopy in the water while riding a contest wave?
West End paint stripper? we used to use it to clean out the carby on our EK holden.
Hopefully someone dies in the pool soon. Imagine drowning in the pool v Mavericks etc. Embarrassing.
Once the Singularity arrives, the plow will take out at least a few.
I like the pool simply because it spotlights the true ass lickers and hangeroners of proffesional surfing.
not saying it’ll help much, but wave pool competitors should pick their own music to match their “runs” and that should be part of the judging criteria.
whom among the top rank of surfers might have half-decent taste? certainly not medina, nor any australian except wilko. kelly’d probably play his own music, or eddie vedder, which might be worse. seabass probably listens to that crap jah-waian reggae.
This should genuinely happen – it would honestly make the whole show three times better. At least.
Chas, what were you saying when pointing at Goggans there at the end? The People deserve to know.
Oh I think David Lee remembers…. It was something funny though!
He gonna write up a retrospective for us?
I guess dinner’s out of the question?
uuuhhhhhh….. he was in the pool?
agree…. the randomness of surfing is a charm.
First off, cool photo of Ashton G and his really cool tattoo on the story heading.
Which begs the question, if you are a master fighter, how do you let Ashton punk you at ASR?
Live chat does make for interesting viewing. Snapper wasn’t held at Snapper, Bells was flat, then forecast historic huge, then was decided in chunky stuff…. Margaret’s was garbage minus a day at the Box, Keramas had moments but Kiggy won, Rio was a wash until Kelly V Felipe, Jbay finished strong…. dunno about “Best Campaign”. I guess that’s anyone’s opinion.
The pool doesn’t belong on the tour, but neither does Bells, Rio, Margaret’s and dare I say Snapper?
Ke11y fucked ADS, for sure. Ke11y punked Joel, for sure. Is the Ranch some mastermind project to seal his legacy? Considering his board choices and the clothing line, I don’t give him that much credit.
whether or not you like kelly as a surfer, some of them outerknown threads are sweet
Not a fan of looking like a surfer, so… ok. I love Ke11y’s surfing, but his last few years being a social media maven have included some real gaffes. ADS and Joel…. those things are beneath him. Curren would never waste a second doing petty shit.
As for the pool, I would love to surf it. If tech morons can support that business model, it doesn’t matter what we think. I think Rico, need to keep an eye out for how the 2 pools in Palm Springs do business. If it can mirror Waco, game fucking on.
What Ke11y did in Rio ducking under those concrete slab lips is next next level. Too bad he had Felipe in that heat. Wish the champ could go out with a couple big wins, Chopes and Pipe and join the Booth Full time next year in place of PMel. Or anyone not named Rosie.
Proud line of Gogganses…. still funny.
it’s a driving range on a cruise ship; con as many rich idiots to play as you like, but don’t hold the masters there.
I don’t mind it.
Thanks Pete
Leslie Chows pale North American cousin by the looks of it
They won’t be able to change it then and there but in future events for sure. This is what I would love to see happen. Someone to have the balls to take it to the next level and think outside the box. But more than likely the judges will not score them well. But that is what is needed. I just don’t think any of them think that way. Although maybe JW now that he is out of title contention might go nuts.
Julian’s mailed it in for the season…. done.
I think the bigger challenge is you turn the comp into a gymnastics routine. Guys will be scripting their waves and it will become more repetitive than we already think it is. I want to surf that pool though.
ever had a XXXX ? Tooheys is nectar of the gods in comparison….
ANYTHING beats a warm Tiger.
Yes XXXX should not even be classified as a beer.
You take that back, or us Kweenslanders will vote in regressive govmints for the nex 20 years.
Haha….thru a spanner in the works for the ALP that’s for sure, Ok, how about I call it a tie between Emu Export, West End lager and XXXX?