Kolohe Andino adds, "It's rad and the wave's super fun."
The damned refrain “Once those gates open it’s like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for surfers…” regarding Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch has shit me for years. Every staff, every man/woman/Cambodian child who draws income from the Lemoore facility is instructed to say it, or they must be, because they all do. Exactly like that. “Once those gates open it’s like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for surfers…”
“Once those gates open it’s like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for surfers…”
“Once those gates open it’s like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for surfers…”
I’ve never felt that way. It’s always seemed more similar to “The Island of Dr. Moreau for surfers…” but I’m jaded ol’ Tucker Carlson not the bright shining future and the honest-to-goodness bright shining future Caroline Marks feels very much otherwise.
In a recent story featuring Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch on New York’s local news, Caroline Marks, current world number 5, looks directly into the camera and declares “Surf Ranch is incredible, it’s probably my favorite wave in California.”
And that is quite a declaration. Imagine the tears shed in North County, San Diego. In San Clemente, Newport, Huntington, Malibu, Ventura, Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz. Imagine the guffaws but also those guffaws are not the bright shining future and Caroline Marks is.
Though, I will say, Kolohe Andino follows Caroline Marks on the same video and deadpans, “It’s rad and the wave’s super fun.” without cracking a smile.
So, our question, which wave, currently, is the best in California?
Where does Surf Ranch rank?
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“its rad and super fun”
Ugly ugly style ,Occy must be scratching his head everytime some shitbag says she surfs like him..that front arm on the backside just fucking kills me .Occy is so smooth and leaves the arm down almost dragging and this girl just ..too ugly
I wish the pros would just start trolling the WSL hard. Maintain contractual obligations, tow the company line, hit all the talking points and quotations ad nauseam – but with the most deadpan and unconvincing face. Kolohe nailed it. C’mon Jordy let’s see you up the ante.
If you can surf there then you can surf ANYWHERE.
What else is rad? Bro brand athleisure apparel? Private equity firms? Brazilian packs of surf tourists – Do they even like each other? My high center of gravity cutbacks? Plastic is totally rad too, especially the dirty plastic that gets sent to third world countries that they no longer accept and send back to us.
BTW, I re-used one of my landfill bound coffee cups on environment day last week. Non John so green!
I would gladly trade my key to Blacks for the opportunity to catch one fat left at the poo pool.
Sold!
Where does Surf Ranch rank?
Surf Ranch is rank
Whose coverage was worse?
Ashton Gargles “oN contest”. Or chas’ rogue commentary that never happened?
Stanley’s gets my vote. Oh, currently? The Hook.
I officially hate Caroline Marks’ swinging arms a lot harder.
First I have to find my personal photog
Given that 4 of the 5 kids in Willy Wonka get seriously f’ed up (shrunk , juiced, sucked thru pipes, etc) you’d think any halfwit at the WSL would pick a different comparison. 80% injury rate is suboptimal.
I got Augustus Gloop’d today at Ocean Beach SF on the first day of Autumnal energy.
Fake News
Says the transplant from FL… 😒
Like taking a shower with a bathing cap on
Oh wait..that’s something else.My bad
Chas, we getting a feature on the death of Robert Hunter, just because?
Robert Hunter RIP
Fun album all around. Throwing Stones, while a Bobby song, is great.
I’ve liked Kolohe more since the contest…
Brings me joy to have witnessed Kolohe drop the sound bite in the Jeep “I’m stoked”. A John Glenn moment; one small stoop for a meh, one giant Jeep for mehkind.
Couldn’t give 2 shits about Surf Ranch.
Rad etymology:
“x-ray dose unit,” 1918, shortened form of radiation.
Kolohe is correct. Having grown up so close to the San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant, it’s hard to dismiss his concern for radiation and it’s ill effects on the human biological functions, particularly one’s core.
Willy won ka was a slave keeper but passed himself off as some kind of oompa loompa saviour. At least in gene wilders incredible portrayal.
Haven’t seen Depps but I’m sure it’s shit.
No It’s good, you’ll love it.