Very un-PC. Extremely not equal-opportunity.
And I am absolutely certain you’ve been following along with this Summer of Great White Sharks that is mercifully drawing to a close. In case you’ve been away, a quick recap. Numerous Great Whites moved in to my once placid North County, San Diego Shangri-La in June and turned it into a vicious, fear-stricken Hades. Across the country, in Cape Cod, these same Great Whites multiplied like Mormons and started nipping folk, causing mass panic. A call went up from town halls to Fenway Park to club baby seals in response. Where did they come from? Likely Cape Town, South Africa which lost all of its Great Whites thereby cratering local “shark diving” operations.
Well, according to science the Summer of Great White Sharks is actually only the appetizer for Great Whites, and other sharks, favorite season for man-eating is actually the Fall. What is more, Great Whites, and other sharks, prefer surfers to all other ocean hobbyists, and most prefer male surfers. Even our most set-in-their-ways grandparents know to keep that sort of sexism to themselves but that’s partially why sharks are so nasty.
Per the respected scientific journal Daily Star:
Statistically, September is the most dangerous month for shark attacks.
More people are bitten by sharks in the waters around the the Florida coast than anywhere else in the world. Since 1882, 827 unprovoked attacks have been recorded in the Sunshine State.
But sharks are not equal-opportunity attackers. Historically, 93% of shark attacks have been on men. And, in particular, surfers. Around half of the people bitten in any one year will be surfers.
Statistically, the most likely time to be bitten by a shark is between 2 and 3pm. Locations of shark attacks are most commonly within 6 feet of the surface and within 100 feet of the shore.
Proving that sharks aren’t singling out humans for attack, a polar bear’s jawbone was found in the stomach contents of a Greenland shark, answering the age-old question of which one of these deadly predators would win in a fight.
Well that’s a lot to chew on right there. Men should not surf in Florida or anywhere, for the next three months except Cape Town, between the hours of 2 and 3pm within 100 feet of the shore. Also, finally we have definitive answers on the Shark vs. Polar Bear debate that has gridlocked the brightest human minds for years. I’ll be trying to comfort Team Polar Bear’s co-captains Neil deGrasse Tyson and Malcolm Gladwell tonight.
More as the Fall of Great White Sharks gets underway.