How can a nearly fifty-year old be the best guy in the water in a three-foot beachbreak?

Gabe Medina kind of ruined the opening day of the Quik Pro France; not personally, but by how he made the rest of the field look.

I know it’s sport, and it’s surfing and anything can happen but each appearance now has an air of inevitability about it which makes his peers look lifeless. Gabe rode sixteen waves in heat six. There were multiple airs, club sandwiches, sharp vertical punches, glide-ins, kick-outs and tube-rides.

Enough surfing, in short, for the whole day.

There were some good heats in surf that changed from flabby on the high, rippy and weird on the dropping and finally, as rippable as it gets on the premium part of the tide. Leo Fioravanti was back after the dislocated shoulder at the Box, which feels like yesterday but which is five contests and a surgery ago now. Leo went from last to first, Andino from first to last and Yago Dora stayed happy in the middle. Less than a point separated them at the end. It could have gone any way.

Filipe looked snappy and stylish, which means his back is not right. He hit the sand with ten minutes to go , nursing a slim but significant lead over Duru and Lacomare and held it when the buzzer went.

I had a bad back too, from digging a grave and burying my goat, who passed into goat heaven this morning. Turns out the stories about the indestructibility of goats are urban legend. This one, despite being a rescued feral goat who left goat hoof dings on my surfboards, destroyed gardens and loved to dance on cars, was felled in a single day by… something. A paralysis tick, a toxic substance.

We’ll never know. A faint bleat this morning, a last rallying against the forces of death and then he left us. Cold and stiff and in the ground. Which made us all very sad.

I felt slightly better, as I always do, looking down the heat draw and seeing K.Slater written there. A goat who is indestructible. He surfed his best small wave heat since Trestles 2012, when a twelfth world title seemed pre-ordained.

Riding the same Dan Mann FRK he rode in the tub, in early afternoon sunshine, 70 degree air, 70 degree water as Bruce Brown would say, he was scintillating. The heavy track off the bottom was as raw as Dane Kealoha, the combinations off the top progressive, or powerful, or both. Sometimes just a huge straight lip stab – a surfer’s turn as Strider called it.

Leo was in the booth, Slater had kept the family up practising putting at 2.30 in the morning. I’m sure Kelly won’t feel disrespected if we request that the B urine sample is carefully tested. He looked insane, but we’ve seen Kelly blow up and then fizzle out early this year so no big calls.

How can a nearly fifty-year old be the best guy in the water in a three-foot beachbreak?

Not many other surprises. Owen looked very precise, Jules got through. Italo had a few moments of brilliance. The biggest innovation, tied I think to the Fox broadcast, was the first all-female commentary booth I’ve ever seen in pro surfing. Maybe the first in history. Shannon Hughes, the gal doing the beach pressers, and who had made zero impression on me, and Rosie Hodge. Turned out Shannon did good in the booth, I thought much superior to the beach pressers. Rosie sounded a little like she’d been media coached by Pottz, with her insistence on “points of difference” etc etc but Shannon correctly identified the absurdity when Deivid Silva, needing a 6.01 was awarded a 6.00. “What do you even do, walking away from that?” she asked incredulously.

The energy in the booth was raised considerably as the two-some became a threesome with the addition of Wasilewski. The surf was deteriorating, lot of rails bogged and bad body language from Flores and even Bourez, the best epoxy surfboard rider on Earth, according to Strider was poking noses. Jack Freestone always looked in control of the heat, a D-bah onshore analogue in which he flew above lips. Why not more, Jack, wondered Shannon, voicing a question we’d all been long asking about Freestone. One of the best aerial attacks in the game and barely uses it.

Medina dominant, yes. And a strange back to the future moment in French sunshine where Kelly was once again the star attraction; a banquet at which all hearts opened and all wines flowed.

Quiksilver Pro France Elimination Round (Round 2) Matchups:
HEAT 1: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Jadson Andre (BRA) vs. Marco Mignot (FRA)
HEAT 2: Michel Bourez (FRA) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Marc Lacomare (FRA)
HEAT 3: Deivid Silva (BRA) vs. Caio Ibelli (BRA) vs. Soli Bailey (AUS)
HEAT 4: Wade Carmichael (AUS) vs. Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Ricardo Christie (NZL)

Quiksilver Pro France Seeding Round (Round 1) Results:
HEAT 1: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 12.50 DEF. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 11.90, Soli Bailey (AUS) 8.07
HEAT 2: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 11.94 DEF. Frederico Morais (PRT) 10.10, Caio Ibelli (BRA) 9.60
HEAT 3: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 14.40 DEF. Yago Dora (BRA) 14.33, Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.00
HEAT 4: Jorgann Couzinet (FRA) 12.67 DEF. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 12.66, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 9.26
HEAT 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 12.63 DEF. Joan Duru (FRA) 10.60, Marc Lacomare (FRA) 9.74
HEAT 6: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 14.40 DEF. Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 11.87, Marco Mignot (FRA) 11.04
HEAT 7: Owen Wright (AUS) 15.10 DEF. Willian Cardoso (BRA) 13.34, Ricardo Christie (NZL) 7.94
HEAT 8: Julian Wilson (AUS) 11.44 DEF. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 9.57, Jadson Andre (BRA) 9.47
HEAT 9: Kelly Slater (USA) 13.84 DEF. Jesse Mendes (BRA) 11.67, Conner Coffin (USA) 9.94
HEAT 10: Seth Moniz (HAW) 12.24 DEF. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 10.50, Wade Carmichael (AUS) 10.13
HEAT 11: Peterson Crisanto (BRA) 13.84 DEF. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 11.67, Deivid Silva (BRA) 11.67
HEAT 12: Jack Freestone (AUS) 11.77 DEF. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 9.10, Michel Bourez (FRA) 8.90

Get behind the driver's wheel, you drive the narrative…

Jesus O’ Mighty, that crept up on us. We all knew it was coming, you saw the clips from the last few days, but here we are, again, day one of a contest that will be full of incident, comedy, drama and emotion.

The prevailing narrative is that Gabriel Medina, the current world number one, winner at Teahupoo* and Lemoore, will sweep Europe and win a third world title before Pipe.

You think?

Or will Italo, Filipe, Jordy or Brother, sweep Gabriel’s Crocs from under him?

Waves are three foot, twelve foot if you’re from Yeppoon.

Comment as it happens.

Older readers may provide historic context as it happens.

(Watch here.)

* Historically inaccurate.

Quiksilver Pro France Seeding Round (Round 1) Matchups:
Heat 1: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN), Griffin Colapinto (USA), Soli Bailey (AUS)
Heat 2: Italo Ferreira (BRA), Caio Ibelli (BRA), Frederico Morais (PRT)
Heat 3: Kolohe Andino (USA), Yago Dora (BRA), Leonardo Fioravanti (ITL)
Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF), Sebastian Zietz (HAW), Jorgann Couzinet (FRA)
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA), Joan Duru (FRA), Marc Lacomare (FRA)
Heat 6: Gabriel Medina (BRA), Michael Rodrigues (BRA), Marco Mignot (FRA)
Heat 7: Owen Wright (AUS), Willian Cardoso (BRA), Ricardo Christie (NZL)
Heat 8: Julian Wilson (AUS), Adrian Buchan (AUS), Jadson Andre (BRA)
Heat 9: Kelly Slater (USA), Conner Coffin (USA), Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 10: Seth Moniz (HAW), Wade Carmichael (AUS), Ezekiel Lau (HAW)
Heat 11: Ryan Callinan (AUS), Deivid Silva (BRA), Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
Heat 12: Michel Bourez (FRA), Jeremy Flores (FRA), Jack Freestone (AUS)

It's hectic. Coral reefs getting bleached, societal collapse within a generation, Wozzle selling the message that planetary salvation can be achieved via surf comps in pools and air travel.

How do you like your eco-anxiety? Seriously.

No factor or are you starting to feel a little hot under the collar with the predictions of imminent collapse?

It’s hectic. Coral reefs getting bleached, societal collapse within a generation, Wozzle selling the message that planetary salvation can be achieved via surf comps in pools and air travel. If the Pixies were correct, which they may well be, we’re all gonna get buried by ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey.

I have no solution. My fabulous murfer pal from Byron Bay is fond of saying: eat pussy, not animals. That sounds as good as anything, with science behind it.

It’s hectic. Coral reefs getting bleached, societal collapse within a generation, Wozzle selling the message that planetary salvation can be achieved via surf comps in pools and air travel. If the Pixies were correct, which they may well be, we’re all gonna get buried by ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey.

Whatever your views on Nat Young, he can’t be dismissed as a puppet, part of a global green conspiracy or be indicted for child abuse. His thoughts are his own and he reckons that this thing he calls “surfer-consciousness” can help save the planet, or it’s human inhabitants at least, from environmental catastrophe.

I disagree.

I called Nat at his Angourie home to find out how surfer-consciousness could save the World. Me, parked up in front of Lennox skate park while boyo and his pal had a shred. Nat, 74 and daily surfer, fielded my line of slightly combative questioning with good grace, revealing, I think, flaws in both of our thinking.

A little firewood at the end to throw onto the Miki Dora bonfire.

LT: You’ve consistently said more surfers in the world will make the world a better place. Do you really believe that?

NY: Yes. I do. The essence of it is the older you get the less you need. It’s a matter of what you need to keep yourself sane and surfing. Soon as I came to terms with the fact that I’m older I really don’t feel any animosity or aggression towards people to surf with them. It’s my problem if I get over-excited and get too over the top with people. It’s 2019, not 1964.

LT:Sure, but what about this issue of over-crowding and aggression, isn’t that just a pure function of numbers in the water?

NY: For sure, but I’d rather do it that way and give away a wave. If someone is padding beside me I just say “go!”, they obviously really need it. I’d like it, but I’ve had so many waves in my life, it’s not critical. It feels really good to give away a wave. I prefer to think of surfing as a tribe, which means as a tribe we have to look out for each other. I mean I’d rather have people doing this than being bikies (laughs)…

LT: Well….What about the kiddies, how do they find enough waves to learn on, if spots are all packed out?

NY: I don’t have the answer to that. The problem is we were all lucky enough to have it before everyone else did. That doesn’t mean we should keep the cards close to our chest and go “My wave” or you can just go “Hey man, go!” and I bet if you do that, you’ll get one pretty soon. The alternative is really ugly. So, in the future does this mean maybe one day Lennox will have its own wave pool and Byron will have two or three and Ballina will have one?

LT: I hope not.

NY: It’s the same as skate ramps. We need more good quality skate ramps.

LT: I don’t agree. I think that analogy is flawed. Once the council builds it and the build cost is accounted for that facility is then free for anyone to use, whenever they want, whoever you are. Whereas a wavepool you’ve got a huge running cost with water and electricity which are the two scarcest environmental commodities and then you have to pay. You have to pay, per wave, or per hour, whatever.

NY: I know, one would think that at some stage if it’s our taxpayer dollars actually creating the pool, then possibly it would be more similar to a swimming pool. You have x amount of people in and you pay a nominal charge just to keep the pumps going.

LT: That’s a best case scenario. But anyway, tell me about this thing called surfer-consciousness.

NY: Well my wife doesn’t surf as such, but she’s certainly surfing conscious. What I’m talking about are all the associated people that are not surfers but they understand and think like a surfer and they understand exactly what we’re going through. You don’t need to surf . You understand all the very basics, like this climate change we are going through and I don’t believe there’s ever been a surfer of conviction who’s put plastic in the ocean. What the fuck, we’d never do that. In places like Indonesia and India, they don’t have surfer-consciousness.

LT: OK, but when you say this surfer-consciousness leads to a lighter footprint on the Earth. We’re flying overseas to chase waves, we’ve got twenty boards, we’re driving cars to the beach. Aren’t we some of the worst?

NY: Well, no. I don’t think so. I was just talking about plastics and I know surfboards aren’t biodegradeable, but I don’t think there is any way you can get around it. There’s gotta be some slack. We’re not conscious polluters. We don’t shit in our own nest. We do indirectly pollute.

The worst thing about Kelly’s pool was this guy called Raimana who’s on the jetski and he’s yelling at ya, “Get down Nat, get down!” and I’m just standing there going what the fuck for?, why would I get down? I can’t even see the tube. Usually the tube is ahead of you. So I didn’t get down and just got hit by a brick in the back of the neck. The wave comes from behind. I went back and got ten or fifteen more waves and everytime Raimana said get down, I got down I tell ya.

LT: Don’t we have a very heavy footprint though, we tread heavily on the Earth.

NY: I don’t think as heavily as a lot of other sectors of society. I mean there’s so much compromise involved in living in this day and age. It’s tricky, but at least surfers are conscious of it. They try not to pollute, they do their best. They still have to fly overseas to try and find their perfect wave.

LT: On that note, if the wavepools do take off, guzzling electricity and water, we’ve lost all claim to be any kind of environmental stewards then, surely?

NY: It doesn’t necessarily have to be like that, I think those are details. What about if it could be run on saltwater, using solar power to create the energy that creates the waves. I think all of these details will be worked out down the track. I had a really interesting experience at Kelly Slater’s wavepool in Lemoore. I don’t think it was anything like a real wave, but it sure was a nice thing to do. The worst thing about it was this guy called Raimana who’s on the jetski and he’s yelling at ya, “Get down Nat, get down!” and I’m just standing there going what the fuck for?, why would I get down? I can’t even see the tube. Usually the tube is ahead of you. So I didn’t get down and just got hit by a brick in the back of the neck. The wave comes from behind. I went back and got ten or fifteen more waves and everytime Raimana said get down, I got down I tell ya.

LT: After you’d ridden ten to fifteen waves did you get that full body stoke like you get from a good days surfing in the ocean?

NY: Oh no. No, no. Firstly, it’s icy cold water. I could have stayed out there for another one or two but they just turned everything off and said “That’s it, you guys have had your go.” It’s a really good experience, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. It’s nothing like going to Indonesia and the Mentawais. It’s just different. It’s a pool!

I don’t really watch any of the surfing contests at all. I find it repetitious and boring. I wrote a big letter to the lady who runs the whole act and just told her there were a lot of things they’ve got totally wrong and I gave her my suggestions. I’m sure they just threw it in the bin, but we’ll see what happens.

LT: Did you watch any of the pool comp?

NY: I don’t really watch any of the surfing contests at all. I find it repetitious and boring. I wrote a big letter to the lady who runs the whole act and just told her there were a lot of things they’ve got totally wrong and I gave her my suggestions. I’m sure they just threw it in the bin, but we’ll see what happens.

LT: Relating to the wavepool or generally speaking?

NY: I think they’ve created a bit of a monster that’s really not a very good reflection of where surfing is. Everyone’s got a mild interest in watching a wave being ridden by quality surfers but do we care about who wins the contest thing in the wavepool? I found the Teahupoo comp really good to watch mostly because I’ve been there and it’s a terrifying wave. If you have a fear factor that’s good. It’s good for everybody to be terrified of that. To watch people conquering fear is essentially seeing one of of the elements of surfing. That’s what we do. I think they sell it really short. You watch what a joke it’s going to be at this next Olympics.

LT: It seems bizarre they can’t craft this sport into something that all surfers can take ownership of and love even if they don’t compete themselves; they don’t seem to be able to figure that out.

NY: I don’t think they’ll ever do that because competition is a complete contradiction. What we talking about is self expression in a liquid medium that has these animals that are trying to attack you. There are so many things that make it not a sport. You’re never going to be able to judge one surfer against another. It’s a shitty sport.

LT: You have a chapter about Miki Dora in the new book. Enduring reaction to Miki seems equal parts fascination and repulsion. In a New York Times story he was painted as an out and out racist. What’s your take on that?

NY: Well, he was racist. Especially when he was living in South Africa. He was always a bit like that.

LT: You don’t think it was just him pushing buttons?

NY:I know he wasn’t. And he may have said racist things but he was a long way from white supremacy. He was a master player. To me, he was a really good friend.

LT: You think we shouldn’t judge him by todays standards?

NY: He was a man of his time. I think he was someone that really suffered at the hands of living and growing up in LA, in Brentwood. He hated Hollywood, he really did. And he did everything he could to fuck it up. But he also loved it. Loved the hell out of it.

LT:Do you see a time in the future when environmental considerations become more stringent and surfers might be only allowed to own two boards and take one overseas trip per year?

NY: There’ll be a lot of other things happen before that.

LT: Yeah, hopefully it won’t be in my lifetime.

NY: I do spend a lot of time thinking about my grandchildren and my grandchildren’s grandchildren. They’re being bred into this tribe of surfers, are they still going to be able to be surfers in a hundred years time?

LT: What do you think?

NY: I don’t know. If I think about it enough I can get pretty depressed. Because of the state of the world. But then Tom Blake believed that we (surfers) were the chosen race so if we get pushed to the point where we have to really unite as a surfing tribe then maybe we can have our own space where we can really make some changes for us.

LT: Optimistic.

Buy Nat Young’s new book Church of the Open Sky here.

Hell is on the move.

Oh and you thought it was over. I thought it was over too, quite frankly, but the current Great White shark apocalypse appears to just be getting underway. Terror everywhere. Terror in my once agrestic North County, San Diego. Terror in Cape Cod. Terror in Florida, New Zealand, Antartica and for the first time in recorded history terror in Rhode Island.

Did you even know that Rhode Island was part of the United States of America? Were you even aware of its existence?

You should have been.

Sid “The Package” Abruzzi hails from Rhode Island and founded the world’s most core surf shop/brand Water Brothers there so many years ago and if you unaware of Sid then shame on you. He looks and talks exactly like Robert DeNiro yet surfs.

But now he has to worry about Great Whites. Man-eating Great Whites but don’t take my alarmist word for it. Let us turn to Rhode Island’s NBC affiliate 10 at 10 for more.

The Atlantic Shark Institute confirmed the first detection of great white sharks in Rhode Island waters on Tuesday.

The institute used acoustic receivers to record pings from two sharks that swam in Ocean State waters in July.

An 11-foot male shark was confirmed to have swum near the Block Island Wind Farm this July, according to the Atlantic Shark Institute. A second 12-foot female shark visited the Southwest Ledge off Block Island the institute reported.

The sharks had been tagged in the water off Cape Cod said the release.

The institute says they employ about a dozen receivers that could pick up the shark’s coded pings from several thousand feet away.

The Atlantic Shark Institute teamed up with the RI Department of Environmental Management to use this method of recording.

“This is the first confirmation of white sharks in RI using this technology and we couldn’t be happier,” said Jon Dodd, the Chairman of the Atlantic Shark Institute. “We expect that this will be the first of many critical shark findings in the partnership between the Atlantic Shark Institute and the DEM.”

Are you kidding me, Jon Dodd? You Could’t be happier?

Well hell hath come to your doorstep and seeing that Rhode Island’s entire population numbers 59 souls, hell can eat the entire male* portion. The entire male portion save Sid Abruzzi who eats Great Whites for breakfast after he gets done terrorizing Juliette Lewis and Nick Nolte.

Re. Juliette Lewis, very quickly, I once knew a man who was married to her. They got divorced without any children but I don’t think it was contentious and that’s all I have to say about that.

But where will “man-eating” Great Whites turn up next? Which unsullied burgh will they pollute?

More as the story develops.

*Male population only because it has been scientifically proven that “man-eating” Great Whites hate the taste of women.