Hell is on the move.
Oh and you thought it was over. I thought it was over too, quite frankly, but the current Great White shark apocalypse appears to just be getting underway. Terror everywhere. Terror in my once agrestic North County, San Diego. Terror in Cape Cod. Terror in Florida, New Zealand, Antartica and for the first time in recorded history terror in Rhode Island.
Did you even know that Rhode Island was part of the United States of America? Were you even aware of its existence?
You should have been.
Sid “The Package” Abruzzi hails from Rhode Island and founded the world’s most core surf shop/brand Water Brothers there so many years ago and if you unaware of Sid then shame on you. He looks and talks exactly like Robert DeNiro yet surfs.
But now he has to worry about Great Whites. Man-eating Great Whites but don’t take my alarmist word for it. Let us turn to Rhode Island’s NBC affiliate 10 at 10 for more.
The Atlantic Shark Institute confirmed the first detection of great white sharks in Rhode Island waters on Tuesday.
The institute used acoustic receivers to record pings from two sharks that swam in Ocean State waters in July.
An 11-foot male shark was confirmed to have swum near the Block Island Wind Farm this July, according to the Atlantic Shark Institute. A second 12-foot female shark visited the Southwest Ledge off Block Island the institute reported.
The sharks had been tagged in the water off Cape Cod said the release.
The institute says they employ about a dozen receivers that could pick up the shark’s coded pings from several thousand feet away.
The Atlantic Shark Institute teamed up with the RI Department of Environmental Management to use this method of recording.
“This is the first confirmation of white sharks in RI using this technology and we couldn’t be happier,” said Jon Dodd, the Chairman of the Atlantic Shark Institute. “We expect that this will be the first of many critical shark findings in the partnership between the Atlantic Shark Institute and the DEM.”
Are you kidding me, Jon Dodd? You Could’t be happier?
Well hell hath come to your doorstep and seeing that Rhode Island’s entire population numbers 59 souls, hell can eat the entire male* portion. The entire male portion save Sid Abruzzi who eats Great Whites for breakfast after he gets done terrorizing Juliette Lewis and Nick Nolte.
Re. Juliette Lewis, very quickly, I once knew a man who was married to her. They got divorced without any children but I don’t think it was contentious and that’s all I have to say about that.
But where will “man-eating” Great Whites turn up next? Which unsullied burgh will they pollute?
More as the story develops.
*Male population only because it has been scientifically proven that “man-eating” Great Whites hate the taste of women.