Can you believe it?
There’s been a bumper crop of wave tanks coming online this month with two, Bristol and Melbourne, opening to the public already/very soon and only the grumpiest of locals isn’t slightly intrigued by these latest, both utilizing Cove technology. The pools’ ownership groups are, I’m sure, thrilled that all the heavy construction is over, water spigots turned off, last bolts tightened down. Now it is time for the money to come rolling in but first, an opening-day party.
Melbourne’s included such stars as Chris Hemsworth, Julian Wilson and Sally Fitzgibbons and let’s go straight to Australia’s 10 Daily for the absolute latest.
Australian Pro-Surfer Julian Wilson told media this morning that the surf park was pretty groundbreaking.
“It’s an exciting time. The waves are perfect and they’re on-demand, so I’m feeling pretty spoilt this morning.”
“We’re one of the strongest nations in the world for surfing so I think this should only help,” he said.
World number four Sally Fitzgibbons also shared Wilson’s praise for the park.
“It’s insane! To come to a pool and you press the button and there’s world-class waves just pumping through — there’s nothing better.”
“We needed this facility to keep up with the rest of the world,” she said.
Ok, I’m feeling a little worried about our professional surfers and not just because they don’t have basic human rights. I’m worried about them for having to continue to manufacture wild-eye’d excitement every time they attend a pool’s opening-day party. To over and over again have to gush, “No way! Unbelievable! Perfect waves at the push of a button!” etc. They’ve all seen and surfed many artificial waves now and I fear the expected reaction, bent slightly at the waist, mouth agape, gasping for air will lead to mental illness.
Are you feeling a little worried too?
Also, is Australia one of the strongest nations in the world for surfing?
Yeah?
Paging Brutus for his latest critique of Australia’s pro surfing prospects 😀
I was sitting in the lineup the other day with a guy worth a cool 100 mil from the music industry. He was asking everyone about the wave pool in Melbourne and how it was sick and he wanted to get the season pass (chump change when you are that rich). As soon as he paddled in one of the other guys goes “how many waves does that three grand get you out here!?”
So not everyone in Australia is stoked about wave pools.
If the pros ever get sick of feigning excitement, hit me up. I’ll gush up whatever flowery crap they want for some free wave pool nuggs. Those waves look fun.
Have I missed any discussion about the ultimate surfer concept that is now being rolled out by wsl and Kelly.
You know Chas, they could just invite Kanoa to every opening and film him excited or just use his file footage. That kid personifies surprised and over the top excited and he’s for sale.
If only Japan had a surgeon skilled enough to remove all of the marbles out of Kanoa’s mouth….. He seems like he has so many insightful thoughts to share with us. if ONLY we could understand him!!
You know what will really blow up with kanoa? Some animator in Japan will turn Kanoa into an emoji like image and craft a cartoon around his exploits!
Every new pool, there his charicature is jumping out of his skin how good the pool looks.
Like those blow up dinosaur costumes? I think you’re onto something…..
We could “Pokemon” Kanoa’s image. He’s a natural.
Imagine how severely they will shit themselves when they next come across a good surfing location! “Holy fucking shit! The waves are bigger than me and you don’t even have to press a button at all!!! They’re just mysteriously…there!!!! Have I died and gone to Heaven??”
It was like that here last night. Pumping waves, no chlorine, and you didn’t have to put coins in. Unbelievable
These assholes are trying to gaslight us all.
Or are they gaslighting themselves?
Excuse me while I just straight-up gas myself in the oven.
I think Sally might be actually insane.
That or the real Sally was replaced by a team America doll
That’s misogynistic bexy!
Pool is 47kms from my place.
If these two fly from Brisbane at 2pm, and I drive at 2pm, there’s a good chance we will arrive at the same time.No thanks
https://youtu.be/deThgnt8LNc
I think Australia , France and Hawaii are just ahead of Californian in the surfing stakes because we manage to win a contest or two every year ….. Thanks Brazil .
Hold the 10000s and 6000s on the qs in real waves. Then see how many brazzos qualify
You mean like Haleiwa and Sunset? Oh wait…
I think a lot of them have worked on their game in real waves and have caught up ?
Yea – they have but it’d be interesting.
JRobbo and some of the others would benefit and likely qualify.
SAme results Astro….. for every Robbo, there are 300 brazzo’s with game.
and just think, Brazil doesn’t even have a wave pool!!!!!!
We got trouble
Right here in Batman City
Trouble with a capital “T”
And that rhymes with “P” and that stands for pool!
Is that why the water’s green? Because of the P in the pool
I felt it ….. pool felt …. it’s not easy being green ?
No different to someone hot railing and going WOW – what the hell did you expect. Hopefully some surfing kicks off today cause I am feeling very discontented
Overhead Haleiwa in a few minutes. Siiick!
Oh, so that’s where Thor was. My wife spent the majority of our stay in Byron searching for sexy old Hemsworth. He should have been easy to spot since every other cunt looks exactly like Dave Rasta.
He is self replicating
She wishes
So you got lucky a bunch on holiday, what are you complaining about Audit? She keeps looking, you keep scoring. Win/Win
Cannot confirm or deny. However, I am certainly no Hemsworth in the muscles department. Or the flowing blonde hair department. Or the… never mind.
It’s ok bro… if I knew that taping a photo of brad pitt to the ceiling above our bed would get me laid, I’d plaster the ceiling with a collage.
Pretty sure you can spot him any given time you’re at the Woolworths
Maybe he was and I just didn’t notice because I couldn’t stop staring in horror at the barefoot hippies in there.
You wear shoes to go to the supermarket?
Fucking capitalist pigs.
Hahaha, and you’ll probably never really appreciate the wonder and magic of catching a flawed wave in the real Ocean again–tragic…….
Once they get the hang of it they will all be taking excursions to the actual ocean with guides, and they know where you live.
Im just patiently waiting for extinction rebellion to set their sights on these.
Sand extinction?
“Today’s video is brought to you by Wave Cove Melbourne, the leading wave pool park in Australia. Surf perfect waves without the hassle of sand! Click the link in the description and use promo code ‘chokerjules’ to get 30% off on your next visit to Wave Cove Melbourne. Doing so you’ll be supporting the channel, allowing me to make these videos and go on surf trips. I much appreciate it, especially since I was dropped by Hurley.”
Now that you mention it, I actually do hate sand…
https://youtu.be/SssHXUfyW4M
Teaching your kid about surfing with Surf Punks songs is so epic! Million upvotes to ya!
i AM kinda eager to see the HUrley bloodbath that’s gotta be happening sometime soon.
You gotta assume they are getting paid for their appearance and sound bites. Anyway to find out how much they are trading that tiny piece of their soul for?
I have a feeling that the wellness center will be carrying juilans organic face cream. Just think of all the new revenue streams for retiring pros. Seminars, lessons etc
Omg it will be like Vegas, Dolly Parton-Fitzgibbon and Tony Bennet-Wilson performing every night for three months straight.
TBW, pasty, overweight, bottle of bourbon in hand, needing to be cajoled onto stage with an eight ball and/or a tazer.
“I dun wanna do no more fucken sushi rolls, ya hear?!!”
Etc
Oh it’s going to be sad. It will come down to wheeling out old pros on dollies to give talks on how to get “pop in your airs” or you can buy a books on CD in the gift shop by Sally Fitz on how to speak authentic Australian.