I wish I was bringing you good tidings of great joy this Christmas Eve (in Australia) Christmas Eve Eve (in America). I wish I was celebrating a white Christmas but all I have are sharks. Great White sharks.
Please don’t blame me for it’s not my fault. I didn’t try to jump on a small fishing boat near famous surf break Snapper Rocks in order to eat three succulent men and then, when failing, bite the hull out of pure spite.
I am only here in very cold, very rainy southern California fearing for the lives of all Australian surfers but would you like more details? Would you like your nightmare before Christmas? It is wrapped in the pages of once proud Newsweek and let’s go there together.
Three men fishing off the coast of New South Wales had a narrow escape with a shark which tried to leap aboard their vessel.
The trio from Appin Mine were several miles off Shellharbour last Friday, when a 15-feet-long great white shark tried to clamber aboard.
One of the crew, Jason Dunn, said that the fish suddenly appeared after his crew mate had dropped his fishing line off the back of the vessel.
“It came out of nowhere—he had to sprint to the front of the boat,” Dunn told the Illawarra Mercury.
“It then slid back into the water, and we could feel it go under the boat, we could feel it bumping it.
“Then it came round to the driver’s side where I was and started pushing it sideways and then took a bite out of the boat.
“You can see the serrated teeth marks where it’s been gouged,” Dunn said.
And look, look at the gouged hull and the bent railing where the great Great White flopped aggressively, heedless of our modern cultural climate where unwanted advances are very much frowned upon.
Again, I’m sorry but have you ever even conceived of something so… rude?
On Christmas Eve or Eve Eve?
No Christmas surfing in New South Wales this year.
More as the story develops.