General White
General White

Six massive Great White sharks surround the State of Florida in a move public officials call “menacing” and “tactical!”

"Thousands more" possibly in the area as well.

Christmas, Hanukkah, etc. is certainly not shaping up to be jolly in the State of Florida, no not at all, for it was revealed today that six massive Great White sharks have essentially surrounded the peninsula, choking off both the northern redneck portions and southern Cuban areas.

And we have learned that the apex predators are, indeed, evolving, learning to swim with their fins below the water’s surface so as not to attract attention but could it be that they now understand military tactics? Now comprehend how to utilize the classic pincer movement first deployed by Nader Shah during the Battle of Kirkuk?

It certainly seems this way and we must head to CNN’s International Desk for the very latest.

A single sighting of a great white shark is enough to get most people out of the water. But six? That’s the stuff of nightmares (or movies).

OCEARCH, an ocean data collection agency, has indicated that a half-dozen of its tagged white sharks have congregated off the Florida coast. The agency’s tracking tool shows four white sharks off the northeastern coast and two more swimming in the southwest ocean region.

While it may seem uncommon to have so many tracked sharks surfacing in one location, the water temperatures are actually ideal right about now. Three of the sharks found a sweet spot off the coast of Jacksonville, where water temperatures are 65-67 degrees.

What is unusual is the amount of sharks the agency is able to track. Recent years have brought more research expeditions, which has allowed them to discover loads of previously unknown information about the species.

The sharks, named Nova, Sydney, Cabot, Ironbound, Unama’ki and Hudson, were captured and released with trackers that enable OCEARCH to see where they are and trace their migration patterns.

OCEARCH founder and expedition leader Chris Fischer told CNN this group may be just the tip of the pod — there are likely thousands more in the region that don’t have trackers attached.

Thousands more?

What sort of strategy are they employing? A siege? An attack in oblique order? Crossing the T?

More importantly, what defensive positions are Florida State officials drawing up to thwart this clear and present menace?

It’s times like these I crave Napoleon Bonaparte. He would know what to do.

Best advised not to surf in Florida this holiday season even if you receive a new 8 ft soft-top surfboard under the Christmas tree.

More as the story develops.

The other proving ground.
The other proving ground.

Comment Live: The cbdMD Jaws Big Wave Championships!

Mayhem! Madness!

First Teahupoo is declared host of the surfing program for the Paris 2024 Olympic Games. Then Pipeline is putting on an altogether glorious show. Now we have the cbdMD Jaws Big Wave Championships.

Is there a better time to be a professional surf fan?

Regarding the cbdMD Jaws Big Wave Championships, as you know, the format is all different now for that big wave “tour.” There is a paddle event (Jaws) a tow event (Naz) and a selfie event (Mavs). Altogether they make up the Big Wave… something. Tour? Seems a little much to call a “tour.”

This Jaws one, anyhow, is called Big Wave Championships but why is it Championships instead of Championship?

Can you explain?

There are, in any case, heats with many surfers in the water at a time.

As always, watch here.

Comment below.


Official: Teahupoo “The Place of Shattered Skulls” to host surfing for 2024 Paris Olympic Games!

Dreams come true!

And can we all doff our berets toward France this morning? That sporting cock? For of all the decisions made around “surf” as “sport” by governing bodies, regulating bodies, world leagues 9/10 are very bad decisions. Uncomfortably dumb decisions. Incompetent, difficult to comprehend, silly decisions.

See re-hosting the Freshwater Pro at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in the summer of 2020.

The 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games will be kicking off around the same time, or maybe just finished. The first time in history that surfing, our surfing, will be part of the show. Many prayers will be offered at multiple Shinto temples for a typhoon. Without such a climate event there will be small surf and a Kanoa Igarashi, or that other little Japanese man, gold.

But while we are giggling and pointing we can also be girding our loins for the summer of 2024. Filling our refrigerators with crisp white wines, our freezers with poisson cru. Readying ourselves for mayhem and let us quickly read the press release for it is the very least we can do.

The Polynesian island of Tahiti has been chosen to host the surfing events at the 2024 Paris Olympics after being selected over beaches in southwest France and Brittany, organisers said on Thursday.

Tahiti lies 15,700 kilometres (9,750 miles) from Paris but was chosen because it offers near-guaranteed surfing waves in the summer months.

The events will take place at Teahupoo, a location that boasts some of the biggest waves on the men’s World Cup circuit.

“It’s an extremely pleasant surprise and recognition for our history that will restore honour to Polynesia, where surfing began,” the president of Tahiti’s surfing federation, Lionel Teihotu, told AFP.

According to the 2024 organising committee there was no difference in the cost or environmental impact of the four possible venues.

Tahiti was preferred on “sporting grounds” — a survey by Meteo France, the French meteorological centre, suggests that Teahupoo offers a greater likelihood of good surfing waves during the summer months, the Paris local organising committee said.

The choice of Teahupoo is controversial because it does not currently feature on the women’s world circuit. The waves there are currently considered to be too dangerous for women surfers.

Organisers said they would get round the problem of hosting the Olympic women’s surfing events with careful scheduling.

“We can put the women on at a time of the day when the waves are less powerful,” Teihotu said. “We have ways of planning that now and it will allow women to also surf at Teahupoo.”

Viva la France. Viva her real good.

Sold: Surf Industry Maverick’s beachfront house smashes price records!

It's like all the fairytale castles of the world made into one!

Do you remember, three years ago, when the gorgeous blond CEO and co-founder of SurfStitch, Justin Cameron, quit his 2008 start-up leaving his frumpy brunette co-founder, Lex Pedersen to rock in his cubicle?

It was part three in SurfStitch’s multi-act tragedy that sent the publicly listed company into a trading halt and an eventual buy-out by Alceon, a private-equity group who counts Noni B and Cheap as Chips as their star-studded retail jewels alongside the darling of middle-aged and plus-sized women, EziBuy.

Of course, unimportant details when real estate is on your mind as was the case of Cameron’s in 2015 when he bought his hunk of beachfront paradise, right there in front of North Avalon, 5-7 Marine Parade, for $9.24 million.

Four years later, the joint, on a double-block and renovated to the heavens with five bedrooms and three bathrooms and a fire-pit on the grass overlooking North Av and…oh reader… I’ve seen plenty of castles in the Loire Valley but I’ve never seen anything with such a graceful quality as this.

A fairytale in the middle of a splash of green vegetation on the lower slope of the hot, bare, yellow headland.

It’s fantastic.

Too bad it’s sold already etc.

Read more about it here. 

Billabong Pipe Masters, Day Two: “There isn’t a name for that psychological condition of hating Kelly and then turning around and loving him!”

Loving him in the sense of being awestruck, wishing he would go on forever and secretly believing in your heart of hearts that despite the looming cold blade of reality perched above his career that this could be possible and you will be here to witness it.

Ending a sentence with a preposition after, what? –  the best Pipe waves in five years, easily the best stanza of pro surfing since last years Pipe – then, how about this?

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

As an epitaph for Kelly Slater, his career, life and heat today it would be perfecto.


Kelly’s opening ride won’t make any highlight reels, it’ll be the Backdoor tense negotiation of four collapsing sections that gets the airtime but it is worth considering as a statement of intent.

Two stories worth of Pacific Ocean heaving onto the Backdoor side of the reef and all five-feet-nine inches and forty-seven years (forty-eight in February) worth of Kelly Slater standing erect in the tube as the wave closed out on him. Most would go, yeah but nah after that pounding but Kelly saw that closeout somehow as invitation for future dalliance and not closed chapter.

Evolution is a funny thing, as prone to blind alleys and reversals as steady progress.

Kelly himself in a recent SW interview claimed progress on the World Tour and the surfing being done at present was not as impressive as seven or eight years ago. I presume he meant the Dane era.

At Pipeline the lack of progress is even more stark.

There is no generalised evolution in performance across the Pro Tour’s CT level surfers at Pipeline. The reverse is true, if anything. A handful of masters, a few more competent and then a long tail who are clearly struggling. That is producing an artifact which Ronnie Blakey diplomatically referred to as “favourable match-ups”.

There were many today. Italo being a major beneficiary.

His heat this morning with Jaddy was again marked by solid performances and recklessness. Luckily for him Jaddy had a similar predilection for errors in judgement. It’s not enough to have the skill set in the bag of being able to throw the board under the body on a beyond vertical face, you need the judgement and positioning to be able to perfectly deploy it.

Italo squeaked through. He faces Peterson Crisanto next round. That is as close to an easy draw as he will get. A gift from God, with all due respect to Crisanto.

Blakey correctly called Owen Wright one of the biggest under-achievers at Pipe after he let Yago Dora slowly slip away from him. Pipe should be a guaranteed QF for a guy of his skill set and temperament.

Filipe looked comfortable enough in the front half of his over-lapping heat with Ricardo Christie and then spilled his marbles on the way home after Christie dodged a guillotine lip to take the lead.

The presser afterwards showed the fragility of Toledo’s charge for a world Title.

He alluded to mistakes with priority but the mental exhaustion was apparent.

”I’m just tired, whatever,” he sighed. The mental burden of career, sponsors, family and “the pressure of trying to prove yourself” to those people was clearly overwhelming for the Brazilian.

How to escape that bind for Pip? He’s now clearly got the skill set. The crushing sense of pressure is another thing entirely.

I’d be on the phone to Bede Durbidge if I was team Toledo.

He needs help.

It took until Heat six before we had the first legit contest between competent Pipe surfers.That heat marked the beginning of an epic two-hour stanza of Pro Surfing. Kemper was solid as fuck, there were subtle little pumps in the tube, crazy drops and broken boards.

You could see Kemper play a slight alpha male game with Seth, he just hustled to get the pick of the waves, but in so doing he left Moniz out the back and on the best waves that came through. It was a case of anything you can do I can do better. Moniz burrowed in tight caves hiding back in tight spaces between shockwaves and foam balls and pitching lips.

Kemper, with a favourable matchup would have won many heats today.

There isn’t really a name for that psychological condition of hating Kelly, I mean being sick to the back-teeth with what appears to be an insatiable need for the adulation of the public, and then turning around and loving him.

Loving him in the sense of being awestruck, wishing he would go on forever and secretly believing in your heart of hearts that despite the looming cold blade of reality perched above his career that this could be possible and you will be here to witness it.

He looked sleepy in his start against Duru after packing the Backdoor closeout we mentioned in the preamble. Duru started gaining ascendancy with inside nuggets and Backdoor ropers. Kelly manufactured a deep double tube but I felt very proud of the judges and fellow surf fans. We were not fooled, as we have been many times before. We knew, we could see what Kelly had done. He was awarded a mid-seven and Duru looked solid for the win.

Minutes later, everything that had come before was preamble, there were people openly losing their shit on the beach. Dancing, crying, waving their arms in the air. Kelly had just emerged from the belly of a four-chambered beast, a ride through the heaving, convulsing digestive system of a living thing.

Immediate, unanimous ten.

I went back to the stats. The fuckdest thing: Kelly of 2019 could beat the Kelly of ten years ago. When we talk about best-ever athletes that needs to be considered. At the twilight of his career, Kelly is still besting performances of a decade ago.

The camera pulled out on Kelly and we got the optical illusion of Gabe and Kelly sitting side by side.

Gabe, intense and scowling. Kelly, laughing, making prayer hands.

Medina, imperial again. There won’t be a dynasty though while Kelly and John John slip on the jerseys. With the intensity of the action, time slowed to a crawl. Medina, well in front, had the wildcard Devault comboed. He signed off on a signature deep, deep tube with a vogued straight air.

Total control.

We comprehend things in the moment but only understand them later, in retrospect. Such is the strange, backwards looking life of the world’s most successful primate. It will be hard for Devault to understand the position he had the champ in as the clock ticked down, even with the benefit of hindsight.

He had him on the ropes, after a very long, expertly ridden wave at Pipe that had a look of such sun-drenched perfection that even rec surfers may have secretly yearned to ride it.

Nine points and change, he only needed a seven to get past Medina. That five minutes of waiting, staring, wondering, praying was the most tense five minutes of pro surfing this year.

Refutation of wavepools. Not only is skill and bravery required but you may not even get the chance to display it.

When you think of pro surfing and what it can be, you think of John John at perfect Pipe. Taking the drop and pulling in.

How could that simple process become so elevated, beyond the realm of sport?

I have surfed with John at Teahupoo, I mean I scrambled around in a state of near panic dodging sets, John surfed. Time and space contract in those moments for most people, the best of the best included.

Somehow, for John, they expand. Paddling late into a ten-foot Pipe bomb, there is not one neurone that screams “He won’t make it!”.

He’s in slow motion: very simple, deliberate movements that taken as a whole attain some kind of perfection. The hands behind the back claims and tongue lolling out like a labrador showed the emotion. The relief of coming back to competition at Pipe.

He alluded to the competitive fire in the presser when he said a third Medina title would make him “pissed off.”

He has legitimate reason to believe that Title should have been his.

The wind turned onshore. Jordy choked. Big time. Gave away priority with five to go. Could not close. The arc of history does not bend towards more Pipe mastery. Which is why we, the true believers, will enjoy the fuck out of those who display it, for our entertainment, and their glory.

An epic finish awaits.

PS: Winds laid down they finished off the Round. Bourez smashed Silva and Andino held nerve to run a sword through Seabass career in glassy backlit caverns at the Pipeline. Did you watch? Analysis below please, I thought they were off for the day.