There will be blood.
2020 might just be the end of the world. Sharks are circling viciously, Hurley is making a full line of feminine sanitary products, claims will now become an epidemic and a nuclear Iran has likely lost control of its paramilitaries.
But what is most troublesome, worrying, is the coming broadcast war. The violent, scorched earth, take no prisoners conflict that will pit Joe Turpel against Ron Blakey, the 1989 World Champion against the 1988 World Champion, Sal Masekela against his own embarrassing professional slide from E! television host to Kelly Slater’s best friend in the whole wide world.
Only one, or maybe two, will be in the booth when surfing makes its Olympic debut in Tokyo later this year but who will it be? Who will go down in history as the official voice of surfing?
It will be a brutal bloodletting as onetime friends and podcast partners Chris Cotê and Todd Richards face off. As David Stanfield crawls out of the grave, hungry for human flesh and “big hacks off the top.” As Dave Wassel and The Woz power flex their wonderfully sculpted titties. As Peter Mel.
But seriously, who will NBC tab to call the action? Who will bring our Pastime of Kings into the living rooms and hearts of America’s living room? I know that Australia will have its own broadcast team but those on it will certainly be the first losers (Ron Blakey).
America is what matters. The gold standard and I think we should put some money on this. I think we should set up a betting pool.
J.P.? Can we do this? Do you know of a way?