Real insight: This kook don't know.
I do everything here for you, you know that right? Everything. Oh you think all the shark business, all the horrifying tales from our modern and current shark apocalypse is due some weird personal kink?
Yes.
But also and mostly they are also my counter to the World Surf League’s Wall of Positive Noise, to Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, to Fake Hurley now selling beard oil to Des Moines, Iowa farmers who hope, dream of one day, of absorbing surfing right into their pores.
No.
Surfing is for us and only us. Like Gotcha’s wonderful founder Michael Tomson once boldly declared, “If you don’t surf, don’t start.”
But how is the World Surf League going to make money if nobody starts? How will Kelly Slater or Fake Hurley?
And so they all crow about about how amazing, how spiritual our Pastime of Kings is while I scream, “Beware! There’s a Great White circling your pale legs!”
In any case, as you may or may not know, I grew up surfing the cold hell of Oregon. The miserable cold rip-tidy, sharky hell and that’s what it truly is but today I stumbled upon a piece in The Oregonian that began thusly:
I’m a mountain guy. A lover of lakes. A backpacker, climber and skier.
As such, few of my adventures pull me toward the beautiful Oregon coast.
But I defied that tendency a few months back, heading west in search of a new thrill: surfing.
Cold hell. Messy hell. Horrible hell. Welcome to hell, now you’re in hell (buy here).
But the journalist-cum-VAL decided to lie and write:
My day started at a surf shop in Seaside, where I met up with surf instructor Lauren Ahlgren and got outfitted with a rental wetsuit.
We then headed south down the coast, passing Cannon Beach and parking our rigs just off the highway at Oswald West State Park, home to the popular Short Sand Beach.
We hiked for a half-mile, hauling our unwieldy boards, and emerged at the beach before too long.
It was, in a word, sublime.
The beach, which is known as Short Sands or Shorty’s, sits in a stunning cove framed by volcanic basalt and sandstone cliffs.
There’s no highway noise. No concession stands. Just classic Oregon coast vibes.
I believe he means “classic Oregon coast vibes” as a positive but take it from one who grew up there.
It’s a meth.
One big giant meth plus the surf sucks too.
And I’m going to hunt down this lover of lakes, this backpacker, climber, skier and teach him a proper lesson. I’m going to take him for a surf around Coos Bay, a bowl of Mo’s clam chowder in Florence then… Well, you’ll just have to stay tuned.
More as the story develops.
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Why do they call that song “Dueling Banjos” when one of them is a guitar?
Hmmmmm?
whats wrong with people. just do something else. just not surfing. try to see what the biggest object possible you can insert into your rectum, without having to go to the ER. gardening, wing suiting, dogging, nordic walking, whatever, just not surfing. you can be way way more in tune with nature if you let a mountain lion or a bear eat you.
Chas can’t hang with the real toughs of the Oregon Coast. It’s like being born out of the place you really resonate with. Hence the move to SoCal, while the land of milk and honey still holds the heaviest water and even heavier womeN. Nofas, cofas and sofas!!
Watch your stuff when you park at the Newport, OR parking lot just north of the bridge. It’s a beautiful view and meth-heads target tourist cars for valuables while people are 50 feet away taking their picture of the bridge.
Take him to Shore Acres when its cracking and have him gather some limpets for lunch.
As an Oregono VAL I have to comment here. There is a lost bounty of Spanish gold buried hundreds of years ago at the point next to Short Sands aka Smuggler’s Cove. Any BG’s wanna come diggin??? I’ll be wearing my Beach Grit black tee with the neckline so big only Chas and Derek look sane wearing it.. I think they get dressed from the top down no matter if it is a wettie or a tee. Genius I say.
BG meet and greet?
I was sure the kid playing the Banjo was Russian, but no , the little bugger comes straight out of DELIVERANCE’s Dueling Banjos’ Scene !
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.
Dung dung dung dung dung dung dung dung dung.
L’ESPRIT Du SURF ….. METHYLATED SPIRIT(s) ?
What I really need to know is:
What is the link between ‘Oregon’ and ‘oregano’?
I’m hopping up and down with vague curiousity.
Oregano is Spanish for Oregon.
Or is it the Grumpy Locals’ slogan competition entry for the NW coastal tourist board:
“Oregon? No.”
I think they like to be called
The Dandy Locals..
Bugger . I thought it was the original inhabitants word for Origami ?
So we will never see the headline
CRAZED KID , ON OREGANO, CAGED MANILLA , FOLDING SHARK IN ORIGAMI , IN OREGON …… shame , shame , shame
Oh man!
I got a great idea for the WSL after watching Nate Florence latest pov epic.
Micd up gopros during heats .
I’m a genius!!
Patent pending.
That vlog was epic indeed. I was anxious watching for him! The sets rolling him seemed to keep getting bigger and bigger.. Great perspective of Pipe maxing from pit/lineup/ shoreline after the clean ups!
Mountain Guy appears unaware of the latest Oregon Surf branding* campaign for the Oregcore… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
*Santa Cruz North
Santa Cruz north, Hah. I wish. Oh I wish.
I live in Oregon, and used to live in Santa Cruz.
Oswald West State Park does have a beautiful beach, a cove flanked by two rocky headlands with evergreens down to the beach. It is a picturesque movie like setting. But the waves aren’t anything special. Just a beach break that’s great for families and beginners. It get’s packed in the summer and currently smells like sewage, however they only test the water in the summer.
There are other spots up and down the coast, but a mostly flat west facing coast without big bays or bends like SC or So Cal doesn’t give swells much to wrap around. Definitely no long right point breaks and countless beach breaks like in SC or So Cal, The water and air is much colder in the PNW, but the real tricky part is that we are closer to the storm cycle, so usually that means shorter period swells and more wind. Typical forecast looks something like 10ft at 10 seconds with 20+ mph sideshore winds. Oh yea, and sharks.
Oregon has some good things going for it, the accessibility and variety of outdoor activities is what brings most adventurous people here, world class wind kite foiling in the gorge, and ski resorts, but the waves themselves aren’t it.
A few years ago, surfed yachats alone on a grey pissy day by myself once a few years ago and pretty much shat myself every time the water splashed, kelp and seals everywhere, etc
S______ is arguably the best wave on the west coast.
Longer than Rincon, more consistent, hollow and powerful.
Yes/no?
? No. Who is arguing that? It can get good occasionally, but, overstatement of the year. It’s fickle; between the winds, swell direction, and 12ft tide swings trying to get it good is the confused math lady meme.
Thanks for your efforts. I’d be out there in the trenches like you, but you know with the bone spurs and all… well you see how that is.
What is a meth? How much for one meth? I’ve only ever bought it in a plural sense.
methsss
Like rices
Can I get a few thousand.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Fibre ,carbs, meth
Breakfast of a WSL champion!!
Pipe Master!?!
I always break em
I more of a foiler
SNAP !
I’m always shouting about it at home;
“Who made this meth?!?”
“Why do I always have to clean up your meth in the kitchen?!?!”
“Your bedroom is a meth!!!”
Meth = Mess + Kanoa Igarashi
The druggies downtown always rebuke me when I start waving around a bottle of denatured alcohol, proclaiming that I am the son of God and can show them the way.
They say I have a methianic complex.
I went to surf there once but saw an actual monster riding an actual 6-foot long stainless-steel knife and cutting humans in half so I left immediately.
You did the right thing.