Let's help a Brother out!
The demise of once-proud Hurley will be the subject of a Pulitzer Prize winning book, one day, titled “The Merchant of Venice Beach-Adjacent: How Stab Magazine Came Under the Magical Spell of a Beautifully Plus-Size Floridian Boy with Rings on His Fingers and Bells on His Toes.”
Oh wait, sorry. That’s my other Pulitzer Prize winning book. The Hurley book, titled “Blueflame Alliance: How Surfing’s Greatest Brand Was Co-Opted by Plus-Sized…” something. I’m not finished yet but anyhow facts and rumors fly fast and furious. Hurley now makes beard oil, entire divisions have been laid off, the greatest team ever assembled is allegedly dispersing as zero contracts are being renewed.
Rob Machado?
Gone.
Allegedly to Lululemon.
John John Florence?
Allegedly negotiating exit in brave protest.
Kolohe Andino?
Hmmmmm.
The other quarter of the U.S. first ever Olympic Surf Team has been entirely silent in the utter gutting, the apocalyptic massacre.
There must be interest in America’s Hawaiian no?
Lots and lots of interest.
So, where do you think Kolohe will land?
Which brand or company would fit best?
Let’s help a Brother out!
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Skoal longcut.
Shell motor oil
Did you just drop a scarlet begonias reference?
Yeah and a Shakespeare reference too. I am willing to bet absolutely no one understood that first paragraph at all.
Chas that ol sly dog. A few tricks up his sleeves after all.
They used to spent a few months in France as well …. Mum and the boys when jj was about 10 ?
Can someone please explain the entire first paragraph? I noticed the author likes to masturbate with overly eloquent word soups that require knowledge of classical literature tied in a knot with obscure modern day pop culture references. We get it, you are super woke, and its annoying.
Fat guy from Floriduh pretends rings give you surf powers… is what I got??
??? Who is the fat guy a reference to and why would Stab care? And ”rings on his fingers and bells on his toes” a lyric from Scarlet Begonias., a song about unrequited hippy love, Also, the ”Merchant of Venice” is by a poem by Shakespeare. I guarantee you absolutely no one got any part of that first paragraph and all the comenters are acting like it never happened. How do people read shit and not understand any of it but comment anyway?
Actually it’s a play by Billy.
He’ll charge giant waves.
I am gonna go with board nose stickers from 2 of the best stops in San Clemente, Mr. Pete’s (best onion rings on the planet) and UsedSurf (great used board selection and fin demo program). They could each pony up a few hundred dollar bills per contest and all the burgers and onion rings you can eat.
I think the time is right for these guys to go outside of the surf industry like Julian Wilson did. (I love yoga pants!)
Their agents should be going big. Do they even have agents?
Not much speed or flow but POWER TO BURN ….. might be exactly what he needs
Fox News
Kolohe should sit tight – lose a friend gain a territory – he may really get the opportunity to face what it means and feels like to sell ones soul
Kolohe would be a good fit at a nascar team.
Outerknown
Who the fuck cares about Julian other than his Leech of a brother?
Owen or Luke?
I suggested before to JJF, Bemoreira Ducal for clothes…
To Chloe I’ll suggest…
A Impecável Maré Mansa (The Impeccable Smooth Tide)
I’ll think suits him better…
Wow
Hahahahaha
Way more stylish than this fancy Hurley…
Imagine for a second Harry, Chole and JJF clothing thats impeccables “tuxedos”… or polos… or social pants…
Wow!!!
Yes, JJF in a signature social pants range, genius!
I heard an interesting rumor today about this very subject from a very reputable source. How does O’Neill sound to you? Seems a good fit to me.
Oniell already has a guy who is allergic to world titles. why would they want to pay 2?
They’re think the internal pressure might equal one title rather than none*
better of dropping Jordy and buying someone who already has a title. jjf would be a nice fit at oniell. again.
Kolohe could end up on Stance if they continue into a full clothing line.
Same with John.
The best hangs on earth!
Let’s pull kolohe’s pants down around his ankles and spank his white ass with the Bible while hobgoblins one and two cheer us on with pom poms.
If you’re gonna pull his pants down best to go full spit the winkle.
& Milo
It’s a QS event. It literally says it on his jersey.
It would be pretty awesome in the WSL printed, in all caps, “WQS EVENT (READ: NOT REAL)” on those singlets.
He really is the world’s most talented and well paid QS surfer of all time