Ruby-Lee, Ellie-Jean, Bonnie-Lou, Holly-Sue, David-Lee n me.
But where were you when you first heard the announcement that one-time president of the Oprah Winfrey Network, confidant of Oprah herself, Erik “ELo” Logan was ascending to the most powerful chair in organized professional surfing? To that mesh-backed Herman Miller Aeron Chair and not the price point one either. No, the $1395.00 one with adjustable Posturefit SL, fully adjustable arms and 2.5 inch roll-away resistant casters featuring Quiet Roll™ technology?
I was upstairs, reclining on a vintage chaise lounge working on edits for the next book Reports From Hell, out this June, when my phone buzzed then buzzed then buzzed again.
In truth, the news of ELo’s power consolidation was neither shocking nor particularly interesting. Longtom penned a gorgeous accounting of ex-WSL CEO Sophie Goldschmidt’s reign but, in my mind, the second Erik Logan waltzed through Santa Monica’s mahogany door he became the face of the brand.
And so I shrugged and yawned.
Boring with nothing new to report. The World Surf League will continue to transition from a professional surfing tour to a media company exactly like it has been doing all year long.
But yesterday, surrounded by surf history, across a fine office table from David Lee Scales, I lost my ever-loving mind about the whole matter and went on a completely sober-yet-wildly-unhinged 40 minute rant claiming ELo will never understand because he has never struggled with surfing, never wrestled with surfing, never been possessed and made mad by surfing.
What?
Struggle? Wrestling? Surfing as some ecstatic torment?
What the hell was all that about?
And tell me, give me your honest opinion… is surfing a simple, empty slide along the waves, nothing more or less, or is it some cosmic battle, a grand mystical spirit quest through Eriador and the Wilderland all the way to the gates of Mordor?
What is it to you? Why are you here?
After ranting, I learned that the podcast’s sponsor, Manscaped.com, also sponsors the very famous Coffey Sisters.
The Coffey Sisters, David Lee and I are on the same team and for one brief moment I felt the unspeakable joy of being part of that illustrious family.
At the end, maybe that’s what this whole surfing life is all about. Ruby-Lee, Ellie-Jean, Bonnie-Lou, Holly-Sue, David-Lee n me.
Listen here!
surfing is like Jazz, meaaannn.
Getting a sesh involving throwing a turn and getting packed into San Diego closeouts does something that makes the rest of the al right and way better than if no surf happened – that keeps me coming back – as well as trying to do whatever I did just a little better than before
Six Coffey sisters sounds nice dozen tit?
All at the same time
I prefer the sound of a jetski, riding in circles, just behind the backline.
I surf Lothlorien, I surf the River Anduin, I surf the Misty Mountains…
Waves aren’t the only thing I surf….
I surf it all dammit
I do eeerials in the sand….
Have you guys considered turning on live commenting during your grit pods?
You guys just inspired me to finally gift my dad a TSJ subscription.
Do you guys not think Corona is paying equal or more than Billabong as a sponsor? I’d love for them to reserve title spots to surf brands, and then have a secondary ‘presented by’ sponsor. With the big money coming from the larger non endemic brands. Collab potential? Bong flavored Coronal? Mmmm.
Is the reason you can’t name a grumpy local mascot the same reason they became the grumpy local; Most never left the beautiful coastal cities they grew up in, and the thing they love and devote their life to didn’t love them back enough to give them wealth or leverage in their life except in the lineup. And then outside wealth moves in, buys the premium property, and naively enjoys the same wave a local has centered their life around. That would make most people grumpy.
If the grumpy local is the jaded old married couple, the Val’s love is prostitutional at a wave pool and innocent new love at best. They aren’t going to understand the old married couple’s perspective. They are in love!
You can’t stop progression, you can only guide it. WSL, CELO, wavepools, etc needs your guy’s voice more than they understand.
Dog mushing > rock climbing gyms.
Chas would struggle with surfing a lot less if he just surrendered to the mid-length. Or maybe a big fish? I’m sure Matt could shape him a nice big shiny black one.
David, I agree w your assessment of the democratization overall. But would you really rather see non endemic surf brands pic up someone like JJF’s sponsorship? I want an up and coming surf brand to be able to sponsor surfing’s hero’s. I want there to be surf brands large and profitable enough to hire locals into their ranks and provide them with an avenue for a non grumpy local life. $ is the ultimate democracy, every dollar you spend is a vote, who do you vote for daily, who do they vote for?
If JJF leaves hurley where do people want to see him land? Vissla? Roark? Salty? Outerknown?
How soon til a coffee wins a surfers poll?
M. Kookmeister, I like your style!
https://m.youtube.com/watch…
Lara was a good worker, she anticipated my needs and always looked busy, eager to please. All the other girls in my biz disliked her for her wardrobe, the way she “flirted” around the design room to get the boys to help her with heavy stuff.
Many occasions, she stayed late with me and I’d burn a fat one, buy some beers. Lara was always keen for over time.
She also surfed with me several mornings a week….. her schedule coincided with mine. The guys at the beach liked her very much.
After hearing the other ladies dishing on the prize employee and finding out about the over time, my Pop pulled me aside with wisdom only he could deliver.
“Son, I hope you bathe that girl in chlorine before you fuck her”. He was always so homespun with his advice.
The coffey sisters remind me of Lara.
My dad told me I was as useless as a dog fucking a cricket ball
Mine preferred as useless as a retard fucking a doorknob. I don’t think you can say that anymore though. It’s no longer PC.
So, did you ever do it?
That photo reminds me of a scene in the “Bad Lieutenant”.
I mean … some angles they look really good. And some they don’t.
I don’t know how dave puts up with you
Or vice versa.
Yet to listen to the rant but maybe you nailed it?? “Surf wrestling” everyone can punch shit out each other on the sand and in water. The Panda can win a world title, Bourez too, maybe with Jordy’s size and reach he is in for a shot – Philip prob never get there!! Compelling viewing
If you knew had to literally fight everytime got to the beach it would
1) weed down any crowds
2) solve global obesity epidemic
surfing is a cruell mistress and the more you love her the more she is going to break your heart.
Is she a he if you’re female?
A cruel mister.
could be a benchong if that’s what floats your boat
As a grom it was the constant duck diving, paddling futilely against a relentless longshore drift, an overwhelming desire to get better and the sense of accomplishment and transcendence when it all came together… powerful shit to a 15 year old stuck in a dead end town with a limited conception of future possibilities. A source of fear, passion, anger and alround good times, it was my life… much to the angst of my Mother who had grave fears based off her marriage to a surfer.
As an adult I’d like to say it’s a way to escape being a mild mannered civil servant — some spice in an ultimately meaningless existence. The reality however, is surfing still dominates everything in my life and being a mild mannered civil servant is a way to momentarily escape being a surfer. A chance to look normal, behave responsibly, but alas, I fail… it’s hard to go about your desk jockeying on an even keel after spending the previous two days getting barreled. Aquatic poncing is a hell of past time and I’ll never quit.
sounds like a good gig.
Oh I’m not complaining… I wouldn’t have it any other way and what is love without some sort of existential agony?
asked nobody…
Yeah, I really did go down a self-indulgent rabbit hole there.
Don’t know how you do the 9-5 orifice job, A.
Edit: given how much of a young frother you are.
I’m a masochist Mads… that’s how.
lucky you. when I surf, I am still a fat wanker
Objectively looking at it, when I surf, I’m still just a skinny wanker, but self-delusion…
which end would you start at, theoretically?
The torment end or the easy empty end?
is this a question about the coffee sisters?
All questions are about the Coffey Sisters.
Here’s a question for you LT, Drek, Chas and Negs. Why’d you guys shitcan my comment on your Sophie story? It was factual, civil and revealing. Was it because of your close friendship with KK and the Committee for Equality in Women’s Surfing ? WTF ?
As far as I can tell, none of your comments have ever been deleted. Yet.
ah yes the night is still young
no idea HO.
can’t imagine it was anything nefarious.
you’re one of the best guys on here.
what was the gist of it?
Disqus deleted it as spam.
timing is everything
and now
the mood has passed
What say we break for some original mac n cheese instead
https://youtu.be/KE4HGlmtOcg
I quit thinking about it.
Life got better.
“Sowing that much fear and mistrust and unease… All they need is a tiny shove not to go surfing.” Dude, Chas, we might as well take it to the next level and go Cambridge Analytica Trump 2016 & Brexit Facebook campaign on these VALs. Instead of a tiny shove (via fake news) on swing voters, it’ll be a tiny shove (via shark news) on VALs to not go surf. Just tell the WSL what we want to do and see if they’ll give us an intro to someone on the Facebook advertising team!
You start a go-fund me for that campaign and you can count me in as a donor. Maybe even some Make America Stop Surfing Again red hats?
Oh the struggle. Aligning my schedule, wife schedule, swell, wind, tide. Picking the banks, hitting the road, avoiding the crowds. When it all comes together. Ecstasy. Sometimes however, I long for the simplicity of Tues/Thurs practise, game on Saturday. The lows elevate the highs however. I doubt Elo knows this.