"So you're saying there's a chance..."
"So you're saying there's a chance..."

Whore of Babylon: World Surf League to allegedly gift two coveted wildcard slots to reality television winner of next year’s Ultimate Surfer!

We are living in a democratized utopia!

Did you ever think you’d live to see the day when professional surfing sank to a far more embarrassing level than professional modeling or professional singing? Congratulations, you’ve made it. For it was revealed just today that the winner of ABC’s upcoming reality show Ultimate Surfer will receive not one but two very coveted wildcards spots to the winner, theoretically, for a respected and honest action sport athlete manager just posted to his Facebook account:

“CASTING: World Surf League and Pilgrim Studios are looking for contestants who think they have what it takes to win Kelly Slater Wave Co. Surf Ranch. Rumor is winner gets two CT wildcard slots.”

Also, officially from Pilgrim Media:

The World Surf League and Kelly Slater are teaming up to give America’s greatest up-and-coming surfers a chance to win big on ABC’s “Ultimate Surfer.”

On this exciting new competition show, the most promising surfers in the country will battle it out at World Surf League’s state-of-the-art Surf Ranch Wave System Facility in California for a grand prize provided by WSL, which will include two spots on the WSL World Tour and $100,000 per winner!

One woman and one man will win the titles of America’s first female and male ULTIMATE SURFERS.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a competitive surfer or not. If you have the confidence, ambition and skill to compete against the best, then…

Whoa!

Two whole slots.

Brazil and… Portugal?

Brazil and… Bells?

Mikey Wright and.. sorry the other injured CT surfer vying for the wildcard too goodbye?

But let’s speak quite honestly and frankly right now.

Do you really care? Wouldn’t you rather see the winner of some random broadcast television reality show get smoked in the early rounds than Mikey Wright or the other injured CT surfer?

Are we not accidentally living in the golden age of professional surf democratization?

Yes?

Discuss.

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nyc surfing golden boy
nyc surfing golden boy
6 years ago

using race-mixing propaganda in an advertisement.. where have seen this before?

Johnny Bee
Johnny Bee
6 years ago

Soon CT spots will be given for the highest number of Instagram followers. Mark my word.

Abe Frohoff
Abe Frohoff
6 years ago

Surfing is not the UFC. ELo is so unimaginative. The UFC caught on because of Season One of the Ultimate Fighter. ELo is just copying their playbook, but sticking a “surfing” label on it. Can’t wait to see his next “outside of the box” move.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

If I was working for the ISA , this sort of shenanigans , would make me so happy …….. At least FIFA and The OLYMPIC movement usually only do strange deals , every day , about who should get the rights to hold their events and not decide who gets to play in them …. What is the WSL thinking, especially making it a closed shop for US surfers only , seriously are you fucking kidding me ? ….. will we see Ben Gravy at Chopes ?

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
6 years ago

Based off everything I’ve read in official press releases so far I’m guessing the prize is priority seeding for the new Challenger Series (plus the $100,000 to get them to all the events).

That agents post looks like pure speculation (keeping in mind a talent agents role is to hype up castings).

Corey Webster
Corey Webster
6 years ago

They forgot to mention they’re mainly interested in castIng Sociopaths, Narcissists, and people with Borderline Personality order. One of the wildcards better be to Teahupoo, since the KS Wave pools a perfect training ground for chopes. How amazing would it be if Laird Lance Burkhart was one of the pool coaches! This damn show has so much potential. I hope someone has a deep spiritual experience getting tubed at the pool. I want to hear some heart felt pontificating about the pools spiritual vibes.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago
Reply to  Corey Webster

All pro surfers and everyone involved with prosurfing are sociopathic narcissists with (more than) borderline personality disorders though…

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
6 years ago
Reply to  Corey Webster

narcissistic personality disorder makes for hours of enjoyment. As my brother told me later: Don’t put yer dick in psycho!

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago

Crazy in the head crazy in the bed is what I was told unfortunately.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
6 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

You’re right about that. It was fun for a while but when you come home to find her sitting on the floor naked and surrounded by carving knives, it’s time to get out of dodge.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

I had a bi polar girlfriend who bit off my nails …. while I was sleeping

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago

Wow. I had a couple bi polar ones too. One was French. Met her in Capbreton in 2000. She liked having sex in public. She didn’t mind at all when the French people would scold us during the act. I was a little worried a couple times, since I didn’t want to get in trouble in a foreign country. So of course I had to import her to the USA for 3 months to live with me. Of course it didn’t work out. Maybe I am more crazy than her? But she sure was hot. And that accent…

Tom
Tom
6 years ago

Ok I get my history of “Jiz-hardists” and Jihadists mixed up thanks for clearing that up!

astro
astro
6 years ago

This is true.
Although we have to remember the words of St Derek in the Book of Participants.
“To serve and receive is the reward of The Few.”

Tom
Tom
6 years ago

Thought was verse 69:69 tho?

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

This deserves the dickfish…

Superworm
Superworm
6 years ago

Rick Kane gets my vote

Keith Grace
Keith Grace
6 years ago
Reply to  Superworm

you took the words out of my mouth…

bruddah
bruddah
6 years ago

Still curious where and when this show will actually air. I will be shocked if it’s on ABC proper, even at like 1am on a Sunday or something.

samwaters
samwaters
6 years ago
Reply to  bruddah

I’m thinking most of the money is in the USA……..

Tom
Tom
6 years ago

If the WSL is serious about global recognition why isn’t this open to global competitors not just US?? clueless again

samwaters
samwaters
6 years ago
Reply to  Tom

I’m thinking most of the money is in the USA.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

They’ll be for QS10,000 events. HB Open for sure for maximum visibility. Thoughts on the other?

I know the WSL said CT, but no one will remember or care when it’s either not awarded, or at best some promotional stunt at HB, where promotional stunts can succeed or die without negative consequences.

longtom
longtom
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

like the ambassador of Stoke.

remember him?

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  longtom

No. I don’t even remember if they had a remembrance paddle-out for him.

bruddah
bruddah
6 years ago
Reply to  longtom

AND leisure

madmaxmedia
madmaxmedia
6 years ago
Reply to  longtom

They should award Zmonde with the position for 2020.

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

All the media releases I’ve read so far have said “World Tour”, rather that “Championship Tour”. Kelly’s quote in the original presser read very strangely… as though they’d coached him not to say “CT”.

My original interpretation of the prize was that it would be priority seeding on the QS, and maybe money for travel expenses. Makes even more sense with the new Challenger series as I’m sure they’ll be looking for lots of drama and hype around those for the next 2 years.

Surfy McSurfyface
Surfy McSurfyface
6 years ago

Chopes and Pipe, watch the contestants scramble hard to sabotage themselves to NOT win. That would be compelling viewing.

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
6 years ago

Given the WSL’s proven track record of mainstream media success, I can’t see how this could end any way but badly.

Numbnuts
Numbnuts
6 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

Gonna make us proud of MTVs Maui Fever.

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
6 years ago

Quite an auspicious start to the ELo era! Guy’s got big ideas…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

astro
astro
6 years ago

He looks like he’s been hanging out with Tudor.

longtom
longtom
6 years ago
Reply to  astro

I like the beard.

astro
astro
6 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Befitting of an admiral.
With pieces to move around the operational arena inside the dimly lit war room in Santa Monica.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  longtom

I’d like him if he looked more like Oprah ……Something about him says “ trust me about as far as you could throw me “ ?


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