Bon Appétit: New Zealand surfers treated to a free feast of “moules-frites” as 500,000 mussels cooked to death on hot beach!

Haute cuisine!

To my eyes, climate change is like a glass half filled. Oh, I know the trendy take is to call that same glass half empty and bemoan the various troubles, calamities, signs of the apocalypse etc. but where is the anti-depression in that?

No, climate change is a gift, a beautiful bounty and some lucky New Zealand surfers were just feted at a Michelin-starred beach with a mega-serving of  moules-frites as 500,000 mussels became cooked to death on a beach thanks increasing ocean temperatures and hotter skies.

Shall we fasten our bibs around our necks and travel there ourselves, digitally? I can almost smell that delicate white wine sauce now.

New Zealand resident Brandon Ferguson posted a video on Facebook from Maunganui Bluff Beach, located on the country’s North Island, showing hundreds-of-thousands of dead mussels that had washed up on the shore.

“I’m local to the area so I’m always out on ‘the coast’ gathering food for the family,” he said. “That day I was out with friends and family while they were fishing. We waited for the tide to turn so we could gather mussels.”

But instead, Ferguson saw hundreds of thousands of green-lipped mussels that had turned up dead.

“It smelled like dead rotting seafood,” Ferguson said. “Some of the mussels were empty, some of them were dead … Some were just floating around in the tide.”

“There were well over 500,000 mussels and shells littering the coastline.”

A 2019 report from the New Zealand government supports Ferguson’s theory — climate change has been warming sea temperatures, devastating the country’s native marine plants, animals and habitats.

World going to hell etc. but, really, my problem here is Mr. Ferguson criticized nature’s effort at a difficult Belgian classic with the whole “smelled like dead and rotting seafood” line. I imagine that he was poorly raised and never learned the “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” good manners.

In another note, one-time professional surfer Carissa Moore credits moules-frites for helping her “surf like a goddess.”

Small world.


Rich and the scars of his radical prostatectomy. | Photo: @riklove72

Former world # 17 surfer and winner of Trestles event hit with second cancer diagnosis

Tsunami, shark attack, cancer, ain't a lot can keep a good man down.

You can’t keep a good man, or so the saying goes.

Richie Lovett, who beat Taj Burrow at his peak to win the Trestles event back in 2003 and who was hit with bone cancer two years later and forced to quit surfing altogether after radical hip surgery before a long rehabilitation, announced on IG this morn a second diagnosis.

“New scars to add to the collection courtesy of cancer diagnoses #2 in the past 14 years. Radical prostatectomy using the DaVinci Robot removed the entire prostate and the disease. Post op biopsy confirmed positive margins and no spread outside the gland.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8kDWgqnr05/

Rich, who will turn forty-seven this year, ain’t no stranger to life-or-death experiences.

Apart from the two cancers, he’s been attacked by a shark and a tsunami in the Grajagan jungle, along with Rob Bain and co, all of which he wrote about in 2013, with a little help from Sean Doherty, in his book, The Big Sea

A lovely man and we wish him well.


Sad Valentine's Day.

Just in: Democratic presidential front runner and known “surfer hater” Mayor Pete Buttigieg actively steals potential mates from our ranks!

Very un-Valentines. Very mean.

This political season, this wild, wild United States of America political primary season is fraught. Fraught with tension, lies, cheating and surfer hating. And who could have ever guessed that hating surfers would become a political way forward. A way to get votes but we are mostly grumpy. Mostly grouchy. Territorial, rude, bastards.

Shhhhhh.

Are you?

Don’t answer.

No.

Anyhow, beating up on surfers has become an easy way to get votes. Who will care if we are beaten up? White and men. Who will even begin to care?

Nobody.

All fine and good. We deserve it but also ouch.

Hillary Clinton has thrust many daggers in but her young charge, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Democratic presidential front runner etc. has taken it to a whole ‘nother level by stealing potential mates from our ranks.

Who loves us?

Nobody, you are right.

And now really nobody.

Crickets.

But if I’ve learned one thing from podcast impresario and mid-length advocate David Lee Scales it is that surfers can find theoretical empty love in only one place.

On the dating application Hinge.

He used it exclusively while also swearing by it.

“It’s literally the only place anyone will even think about having a relationship with a surfer…” he would often tell me through moist eyes. “…It’s rough out there.”

Now, I have never used a dating application but this news was very welcome to me.

We can pretend to belong.

We can pretend to find love.

Until David Lee Scales told me just today that Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Democratic presidential front runner etc. found his husband on Hinge and I realized the insidiousness of his hatred for our surfer kind.

Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Democratic presidential front runner etc.

Per Markets Insider:

Democratic presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg’s personal success on Hinge helped to more than triple global downloads of the dating app last quarter.

Hinge, which pitches itself as a tool to find relationships instead of hook-ups, received a boost in press coverage “thanks to the presidential candidate, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, who met his husband on Hinge,” Mandy Ginsberg, CEO of parent company Match Group, said on the earnings call this week. “This has increased national attention on the brand and provided more buzz to the already strong growth we’ve seen.”

Buttigieg — currently mayor of South Bend, Indiana — found high-school teacher Chasten Glezman on Hinge and married him in June 2018. He explained how they met in a CNN interview at the end of March. The story sparked a 30% surge in the number of gay men on Hinge between the start of April and mid-May, while growth in other demographics was stable, Hinge told Fortune.

“We’re proud of all of the relationships we’ve helped set up — including Mayor Pete and Chasten,” Hinge founder and CEO Justin McLeod told the magazine. “We’re happy to see that their love story has encouraged even more members of the LGBTQ community to find their person on Hinge.”

And imagine, just imagine, the destructively evil intentions of dipping in to the relationship application most favored by surfers, the only place we can turn for love.

Vicious.

A Harvard grad and leading Democratic presidential candidate has his pick of the litter. Anyone, everyone. Handsome, young, political, smart.

To steal from us?

A purposeful slap hard to recover from.

Impossible to recover from.

More as the story develops.


Oy vey: Zionist surfing website attacked by Jewish foundation, called “despicable, anti-Semitic!”

Don't nobody read anymore? Schmucks!

You’ll remember a story, yesterday, that warmed hearts and proved a little brotherhood don’t have to cost the earth.

A quick recap about a Jewish group helping California’s homeless:

In Encinitas, California, The Leichtag Foundation has taken a novel approach to dealing with California’s catastrophic homelessness problem by opening up parking lots for people sleeping in their cars to exist safely until they can get back in the game, under a roof that doesn’t have four wheels.

I wrote, as is my way, of “the righteousness of the Jewish people and their gorgeous little sovereign nation, forged in the fires of the Holocaust, endless war and the indifference and hostility of the rest of the world.”

Israel, Jews, the great Jewish diaspora, oh I love it all.

Read “Israel is the raddest surf trip on Earth!”, “What the Gudauskas Brothers got wrong about Israel”, “Let’s go schlepping, surfing gets into the 2021 Jewish Olympics!”, “The WSL double-downs on Israel!”, “Ozzie Wright sings King of the Jews!”, Movie: “The Hebrew Hammer!”.

Stories for days and we mustn’t forget a movie I made for Stab called “Tel Aviv Jumps” and which was subsequently re-edited after I left the company to remove archival footage of atrocities against the Jewish people – readers objected to the pro-Jewish sentiment of the film – and has since been removed from their website although you can watch here.

Who loves Jews more than me?

I look over at my bookshelf and I see Menachem Begin’s great memoir, The Revolt, about his militant Zionists, the Irgun, taking on the damned two-faced Brits in Palestine. Eighty bucks, not including delivery.

Ask me and I’ll sing Hava Naguila, word perfect. Notes a little off, but hey.

Therefore, some surprise, when the exec VP of the The Leichtag Foundation, the group I’d celebrated for their kindness and ingenuity, turned on your ol pal DR.

The link is here, but in a nutshell, Charlene Seidle, writes of being forwarded “this despicable, anti-semitic article.”

Comments below included,

“This article is hateful and I am deeply sorry that someone sent it to you. I understand that not everyone agrees, but there is no reason to be hateful.”

“I preserved the article. It’s blatantly antisemitic, and when called on it, authors tend to edit or delete articles like it.”

“Thank you for your brave and values-driven leadership.”

“The lack of respect for human dignity has been heart breaking.” 

“Despicable!! I am so sorry that there is so much hate and ignorance. We stand with you.”

To which I say, don’t nobody read?

Schmucks!

Oh wait. One reader did open story.

Beach Grit is a rough, juvenile environment intended to entertain a youthful irreverent audience. That it’s a “hit piece” or anti-Semitic is farcical but if that’s what you want it to be or need it to be to support your position, then that’s what it is. My mom flipped out when I brought MAD magazine home for the first time and banned it. She was horrified by it and some of my other choices in literature. Even at a young age I realized she saw what she wanted to see.


Inspiring: Baby seal outwits “fast and furious” Great White shark thereby teaching surfers valuable tricks on how not to be eaten alive!

We can be best.

There has been nothing but bad, bad news, for surfers, in our current and ongoing Shark Apocalypse. Yes, the world’s attention has turned to China Coronavirus or Covid19, but in our small and shrinking community, the mighty shark still menaces supreme. “Man-eating” men’s toes. “Man-eating” men’s salty chocolate balls.

Valentine’s Day red blood in the water.

Our kine facing extinction.

But…

Did a lowly, albeit cute, baby seal just learn us how to save our toes and balls?

Let us read about the inspiring incident from the world’s leading scientific journal:

The shocking video starts with the pup leaping out of the water as the shark snaps its jaws shut just inches from its tail.

The prey then turns quickly and heads for the shark’s tail. Every time the shark turns trying to land a bite, the desperate pup turns too, keeping as close to the tail as possible.

When the predator tires of this encounter the seal then makes a run for it, escaping with its life.

You must watch it here and absorb the lessons of keeping as close to the apex predator’s tail as possible, tiring the beast out then catching the wave of your life as all other surfers will surely be on the beach breathing heavily and scared.

A Dane Reynolds-esque performance circa his prime?

It’s not out of the question and the general public will even think you are the first Dane Reynolds as the Other Dane Reynolds has Coors Lighted himself out of history’s memory.

Imagine being an unsullied Dane Reynolds.

The rebirth.

Oh my goodness.

#ThankYouSharks

More as the story develops.