Very un-Valentines. Very mean.
This political season, this wild, wild United States of America political primary season is fraught. Fraught with tension, lies, cheating and surfer hating. And who could have ever guessed that hating surfers would become a political way forward. A way to get votes but we are mostly grumpy. Mostly grouchy. Territorial, rude, bastards.
Anyhow, beating up on surfers has become an easy way to get votes. Who will care if we are beaten up? White and men. Who will even begin to care?
All fine and good. We deserve it but also ouch.
Hillary Clinton has thrust many daggers in but her young charge, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Democratic presidential front runner etc. has taken it to a whole ‘nother level by stealing potential mates from our ranks.
Who loves us?
Nobody, you are right.
And now really nobody.
But if I’ve learned one thing from podcast impresario and mid-length advocate David Lee Scales it is that surfers can find theoretical empty love in only one place.
On the dating application Hinge.
He used it exclusively while also swearing by it.
“It’s literally the only place anyone will even think about having a relationship with a surfer…” he would often tell me through moist eyes. “…It’s rough out there.”
Now, I have never used a dating application but this news was very welcome to me.
We can pretend to belong.
We can pretend to find love.
Until David Lee Scales told me just today that Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Democratic presidential front runner etc. found his husband on Hinge and I realized the insidiousness of his hatred for our surfer kind.
Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Democratic presidential front runner etc.
Per Markets Insider:
Democratic presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg’s personal success on Hinge helped to more than triple global downloads of the dating app last quarter.
Hinge, which pitches itself as a tool to find relationships instead of hook-ups, received a boost in press coverage “thanks to the presidential candidate, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, who met his husband on Hinge,” Mandy Ginsberg, CEO of parent company Match Group, said on the earnings call this week. “This has increased national attention on the brand and provided more buzz to the already strong growth we’ve seen.”
Buttigieg — currently mayor of South Bend, Indiana — found high-school teacher Chasten Glezman on Hinge and married him in June 2018. He explained how they met in a CNN interview at the end of March. The story sparked a 30% surge in the number of gay men on Hinge between the start of April and mid-May, while growth in other demographics was stable, Hinge told Fortune.
“We’re proud of all of the relationships we’ve helped set up — including Mayor Pete and Chasten,” Hinge founder and CEO Justin McLeod told the magazine. “We’re happy to see that their love story has encouraged even more members of the LGBTQ community to find their person on Hinge.”
And imagine, just imagine, the destructively evil intentions of dipping in to the relationship application most favored by surfers, the only place we can turn for love.
A Harvard grad and leading Democratic presidential candidate has his pick of the litter. Anyone, everyone. Handsome, young, political, smart.
To steal from us?
A purposeful slap hard to recover from.
Impossible to recover from.
More as the story develops.