Happy Valentine's Day!
If you’ve ever heard me jabber then you know how much I hate mid-length surfboards. Funboards, eggs, fatsters, kook rafts, floaties, yellow beanies… whatever they’re called, I hate. Hate very much and hate with a visceral blinding sort of hate.
True hate.
To me the mid-length represents a giving up, a throwing in the towel, a capitulation to nature, age, crowds, weakness. Quitters ride mid-lengths. Rebels ride shortboards, high performance, fishy-hybrids, twins while shaking a balled up fist at destiny and yelling, “I will NOT be undone!”
Except…
At night, when no one is looking, I hide under the covers and scroll Instagram until I find Devon Howard’s profile then drool, playing this clip over and over and over and over until I’m in the throes of absolute ecstasy.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B7FOXSCHP8V/
That is how I want to surf. The flow, the angles, the effortlessness.
The… beauty.
The sun comes up in the morning, though, and I begin to rage again and hate. To hell with mid-length surfboards. It sets and I drool. This duel life almost too much to bear.
Well, as fate would hate it, Devon Howard swung by the Surfing Heritage and Culture Center in San Clemente, California this morning looking better than ever. Hair slicked back but not greasy. Beard coming in gray. Skin hammered by the sun but in an enviable way. Eyes smiling.
Under his arm he carried the above board. A Channel Islands Mid.
David Lee, Devon and I chatted about this and that, about how Gerry Lopez likely destroyed surfing and Kelly Slater too, before getting down to the topic of mid-length surfboards.
My heart was pounding.
I told him to shove his beginner board, but didn’t mean it.
Told him to break it in half and die.
He took my barbs and then my hand.
A Channel Islands mid-length is coming to my home soon. Will I love or will I be like Ellen DeGeneres, give it a try and decide it’s not for me?
Wait, I can never remember… is Ellen gay or straight?
Listen here and more as the story develops.
My girlfriend was listening to this the same time and now I think she is going to be forever suspicious when i offer a massage.
The Kale chips had me in stitches. A non-vegan alternative to the plant based trend. Devons theory that humans were not evolved to be consuming bat doesn’t stand up, not on the logic he is pushing anyway, Wouldn’t that discount oysters, cows tongues and kale. Actually Kale is an alternative to crispy bat wings, This plant based thing comes full circle.
Ok here’s what I don’t understand. I think you live in SD? Isn’t it literally the birthplace of the egg? You’re surrounded by shapers who have that design so dialed, you could walk into so many shops and pick up a Minard, a Kies, Josh Hall, and you’re going with a CI? Howard’s been riding Takayamas, and I don’t think you’re getting a better egg than that. To me CI is bland corporate mass produced widgets. Bleckkkk!
Maybe it’ll go good, I hope you have fun, I had a quad egg in th 90’s, and it was super fun!
no matter how hard you try you’ll never have Dev’s fluid style, it’s a scam.
I look forward to seeing Chas featured on ‘kook of the day’ queueing for acai bowls, back zip shorty wetsuit, wrap around shades & bigfoot slaps
When I’m surfing I’m chasing one or more of the following fleeting and mostly elusive life-affirming moments:
– critical turns in the pocket
– getting pitted
– negotiating waves with size and power that are beyond my comfort zone
And if the waves are really small, at least bringing some kind of performance element into the session.
A mid length would only reduce my chances of nailing one of those fleeting moments. And then what’s the point of it all?
Never a truer word about surfing written
Exercise, perving,feeling salty feeling wet,social,having fun,
I’ve been looking with guilt lately at Mid-lengths on various websites.
Private browser is on and I’ve been deleting my history as a precautionary back up but I just can’t stop myself.
I’m telling myself I’ll only use it on the plus sized day at the local. But at my age it’s a slippery slope.
Local guy here shapes these. http://j7surfdesigns.com/dr… He has good rep for short boards. I think Jen has a few. I handled a 6’10”, not so mini-mal as the CI…single fin might be smoother surfing though.
I keep “forgetting” to go surfing too… but maybe a new board would help….cept I hate buying new boards( or anything at all)….what if it doesnt work? haha…nothing can save you from the slope!!
Oh that’s a shortboard for fat bastards?!?
I need to hide behind a resin tint and a alternative fin set up at the very least.
haha…true..but I’m more like a stick figure!!! I was thinking the single looks nicer, but they screw my knees up and I’ve always had trouble cutting them back. Tri fins have that wierd slop factor, although not so smooth.
How bout a Parmenter? https://www.nowtro.com/nowt… style….I was looking at the “makaha machine”. (located in the longboard section)..maybe a 7’6″ (we all rode 7’6″ guns in the 70’s 80’s till Curren got his twins and blew even bigger circles around us haha)..but this style (the widow maker )of single with side fins you might like. (we always called them training wheels….)
It takes some time, energy, and money to get one of these though…and what if it doesnt work? Evidently Parmenters boards all work no matter what….still….” oh shit thats not what I ordered!!! I only weigh 150lbs…not 250lbs….)
Ohhhh they all look good!
You need to open your heart Chas, I get that you have made your living from being opinionated but try riding a short board in those little walls, Devon & his mid length buddies are gonna surf rings around you pal!
I think you gotta get Scott B on the same show
Spit Grit.
You can’t have Dave saying the same shit twice in a few days.
Ego would seem the obvious obstacle and the fact that Scotty could probly beat the shit outta both of yas if it got weird.
Skip the single fin and just ride the side bites. In backwards of course.
Chas wrote:
“The sun comes up in the morning, though, and I begin to rage again and
hate. To hell with mid-length surfboards. It sets and I drool. This duel
life almost too much to bear.”
Bummer to read of your rage+hate!
Maybe some~day you’ll grow up,
ride what~ever could seem fun, as Thee Sun comes up,
like this German dude i photographed done did today in L.A.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
usin’ a mid~length board + a paddle, hahaha!
I feel that Chas & Dave are overdue in accepting their new lifetime Team Rider status with Hurluley.
I shall be issuing them with stickers for their boards shortly.
Claiming sponsored status at their local breaks, they’ll have license to drop in on anyone, willy-nilly.
Perfect soft clean day for that sort of board. I’m lookng at a J7 version…(Im having trouble getting my shoes on,,,,so theres that injuries/ age thing) Other conditions there really require much shorter turn arcs as needed and those sorts of boards tend to outrun the wave, or catch rails trying to go vertical. Eggs are worse tho. also
I really hate that retro hand pose.
Your guests blow.
Style and size shaming.
Good onya cister!!
Chas Smith, once always the bridesmaid, but now the Mid-Wife.
And having a mid wife crisis
You mother fucking defeatist cunt. What will you have to look forward to in old age. Scrounge the hock shops for a late nineties Merrick elf shoe in penance.
Why can’t you be wearing a bright yellow beanie?
The combo of looking like a holocaust survivor and having good waves gives y’all the opportunity to sit on your high horse about shortboards. I’m a full sized man in an area with small waves and I will ride anything, while I look over at other full sized men sitting on a child sized board not catching waves. Snobbery and wanting to still be cool costs so many people a good time.
In other words, you’re fat.
Aren’t you like five foot nothing in shoes? C’mon man, you could get fat and still weigh less than my skinny legs.
Both legs? or just one leg?
Won’t a high volume fish get you just as many waves, and be infinitely more satisfying?
ha, try getting older , lots of old injuries slow you down….VALS/Hipsters are out here Kryptoing/ mid lengthing/ fishing…so we design a wider longer thicker board that still performs at a very decent level….can be surfed as a quad or Tri or 2+1…..so now I have boards from 7 2-8 6……catch lots of waves ……WTF are you all going to do when you get older , give up or Foam up?
https://youtu.be/FqlVRsA8aFE