True Love: Nothing says “Be my Valentine”
like a pelting shower of Ultra Hard Surf Candy!
By Chas Smith
To love is to BeachGrit!
Your significant other loves BeachGrit
and don’t lie. Don’t pretend you’ve shielded our unique craven
madness from that gorgeous purity. From your partner be your
partner Chasten or raw.
Jen See.
I don’t know if you know but Jen See is a celebrated athlete,
influential writer, voice of a generation, twin finner, doctor.
A literal doctor.
But more importantly and influential writer and her love (sorry
to burst bubbles here…she is spoken for) wants nothing more than a
BeachGrit.
Nick Carroll?
His love (Tom Carroll) also only wants a BeachGrit.
The song has been sung over and over and over again. Those who
love, BeachGrit.
Those who care pelt their lovers with Ultra Hard Surf Candy.
Do you actually love?
Actually care?
We give you a tiny window to prove here. Every single item in
our store is on sale.
Your own Chasten will weep tears of unbridled Jordy.
Overtweezered man, the "jackhole" and relaxing
woman.
Airplane seat etiquette: Are you a
damn-the-world recliner or a head-rest drummer “jackhole”?
By Derek Rielly
Check your privilege!
Here’s a little ditty that went everywhere, a
woman throwing her seat back on a plane and a bespectacled man with
over-tweezered eyebrows responding with an insistent drum-beat on
her head rest.
The little clip got sold to an agency, hit millions of views,
tens of thousands of retweets and got turned, naturally, into a
men-brutalising-woman thing.
Sadly, neither party had an abundance of melanin thereby
removing the important racist angle; a mistake, I think, as the
reclining woman represents unthinking colonialism occupying foreign
territory and the over-tweezered man the brave native with only his
hands to fight such advanced and overwhelming weaponry.
That video of the woman in a reclined seat
on a plane and the man in the seat behind her punching her
chair:
1. He’s a piece of shit
2. He’d never do that to a male passenger
3. Men are socialized into owning public space.
5. This is what happens when a woman owns it
The common conclusion, among reasonable citizens, I think, would
be: two pests both as annoying as hearing the scurry of critter
feet on the ceiling boards at night.
I’m not a recliner.
Take it back an inch, maybe, long-haul, but the good citizen
wedges a pillow against the wall or on the head-rest and deals with
it. A smart traveller will bang a foursome of sleepers and wake up
in Denpasar, Singapore or half-way across the Pacific.
If you want to sleep, buy a biz ticket.
Once, on a fifty-minute puddle jump, a clown threw his seat into
full recline with a contemptuous thunk as the plane started to
climb, jamming me into my seat.
Couldn’t eat, couldn’t move.
I didn’t respond with a gentle tattoo on the head-rest.
Now, you, friends, some countrymen.
In what camp do you fall?
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Le Royale with Cheese.
Breaking: Two lovable bottlenose dolphins
wash up on Florida beach “stabbed to death in the face!”
By Chas Smith
Positively Tarantinoian.
Oh this tragic life we live, tragedy around every
corner, tragedy in every cupboard, tragedy and pain and
torture but still, we surfers, we aquawomen carry on. We wake up in
the morning, wax our boards and paddle into the yawning blue.
Sometimes sharks are there to eat us. Sometimes seals to scare us
and sometimes, if we’re lucky, dolphins to pump joy throughout our
tragic bodies.
The Golden Retrievers of the Sea!
Well, in more tragedy, two Golden Retrievers of the Sea washed
up on a Lower Alabama (Pensacola, Florida) beach today stabbed to
death in the face or maybe shot also in the face. According to the
Florida fish and wildlife conservation commission and the National
Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, one dolphin was also
discovered dead in waters off Naples in south-west Florida late
last week.
Officials said the animal had received bullet, or stab wounds –
or possibly both.
Positively Tarantinoian.
According to The
Guardian, “Experts believe the two deaths might have
stemmed from humans feeding the animals. When dolphins learn to
associate people and boats with food, they can expose themselves to
dangerous situations. Officials urged people to not feed wild
dolphins.”
And I pretty much knew it. Soft-hearted centrist Democrats who
love giving tiny nibbles to panhandlers but hate the idea of
systematic overhaul are to blame.
Pete Buttigieg.
A $20,000 dollar reward is being offered for his capture.
Collect here.
1-800-853-1964
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Lilith Hair.
Revealed: 90s feminist icon and ultra-core
VAL Sarah McLachlan calls surfing “The second best drug in the
world!”
By Chas Smith
The first best drug in the world a surprise
reveal!
What do you miss most about the 1990s besides
Black Flys girlz, young Ross Williams, slammed Nissan Sentras,
young Paul Gosselaar, denim on denim, Jimmy Slade?
The all-female traveling music festival Lilith Fair?
A fine answer.
Lilith Fair, co-founded by Sarah McLachlan balanced the rowdy,
egotistical and… frankly testosterone overload energy of the Warped
Tour, all those Doc Marten wearing boys in Black Flag tees. It was
the musical version of Plessy vs. Ferguson except not overtly
racist.
In any case, Sarah McLachlan. And you are in the circle of trust
here so can be completely honest. You have teared up once, at the
very least, to her emotional hit Angel. Mourning a lost love or
broken pair of Black Flys.
But does it surprise you that a voice that dropped down straight
from heaven (Canada) is also the core-est VAL of all time?
According to a just published interview in the San Diego
Union-Tribune it’s true and together we shall
read:
“I learned to surf 22 years ago and surfing became the
second best drug in the world for me. It still is, apart from
music,” said McLachlan, who learned to ride the waves from a friend
at Trestles, near San Onofre. “I spent 11 days in Mexico in
January; we do surf trips there every year with a bunch of girls
and whole families. And I live on the west coast of Vancouver
Island in the summer so that I can surf every day.
“I love sitting on the board in the water and waiting. I’m
not very chatty. I just want to sit and stare, and be in the
moment. One of the beautiful things about surfing is, when you
catch the wave, you are wholly engulfed in that moment and there is
nothing else you can do.”
Did you learn to surf at Trestles?
No.
Do you go on Lilith Fair yearly surf trips?
No.
Did you move to a very cold island so you can surf alone and not
be all chatty and lame?
No.
Sarah McLachlan is more core than you, than me, than Derek
Rielly.
She may head up the More Core Division when BeachGrit
relaunches it next year.
Quickly, though what is Sarah’s first best drug in the world?
She says surfing is the second best drug, apart from music, so what
is drug number one?
Just in: Democratic presidential front
runner Mayor Pete Buttigieg hates surfers as much as “benefactor
and bestie” Hillary Clinton!
By Chas Smith
We are under attack.
It is political season, in America, the most
delicious time of four years when mayors pick themselves up by the
loafer laces, stare hard in the mirror, shout at their husbands to
give them “One more damned minute, Chasten” and will greatness.
“I’m what the greatest nation the world has ever produced needs.
Time to run for president. Time to run for president. Time to run
for president.”
The most delectable time of four years except this four years
American surfers are very much in the crosshairs. Very much “grist
for the mill.”
Four years ago, Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton lost in
shocking fashion to the world’s richest man Donald J. Trump and
blamed the vicious defeat on surfers, waging a quiet campaign to
disparage and destroy our vile kind since.
We had (have?) a candidate. A Hawaiian who rips cold New England
and
understands (?) both Jed Smith and Vaughn Dead.
The Clinton Machine tagged her with a “Russian Asset” label and
left her for dead.
And now in just revealed evidence, the face of the Clinton
Machine, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, is continuing the feud by hating
“The Jack Johnson of South Africa” Dave Matthews.
Stunning but true.
A post pulled from Buttigieg’s Harvard days disparages Matthews’
“dark turn” in the early 2000s and shall we read?
Difficult but we must.
“This week, I picked up a new album by Dave Matthews, a
prophet of the carfree joy of my high school years. But unlike the
cheerful strains of the late-nineties-Dave, the solo project Some
Devil is a sober, even grim reflection of how much the world has
changed in a few short years. The man who brought us the playful
riffs of “Too Much” and “Everyday” is now promoting the album’s
first single “Gravedigger.” Matthews is not the only one undergoing
a tonal shift: if you’ve paid attention to Radiohead this
year…”
And it is too painful for me to continue as Radiohead’s Thom
Yorke is also a rabid surfer, even though a British man with a very
lazy eye. Also one of us.
Damn you, #MayorCheat. Damn you for hating us surfers in the day
and age of tolerance. We will not stand for this.
Will we?
More as the story develops.
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
