Breaking: Two lovable bottlenose dolphins wash up on Florida beach “stabbed to death in the face!”

Positively Tarantinoian.

Oh this tragic life we live, tragedy around every corner, tragedy in every cupboard, tragedy and pain and torture but still, we surfers, we aquawomen carry on. We wake up in the morning, wax our boards and paddle into the yawning blue. Sometimes sharks are there to eat us. Sometimes seals to scare us and sometimes, if we’re lucky, dolphins to pump joy throughout our tragic bodies.

The Golden Retrievers of the Sea!

Well, in more tragedy, two Golden Retrievers of the Sea washed up on a Lower Alabama (Pensacola, Florida) beach today stabbed to death in the face or maybe shot also in the face. According to the Florida fish and wildlife conservation commission and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, one dolphin was also discovered dead in waters off Naples in south-west Florida late last week.

Officials said the animal had received bullet, or stab wounds – or possibly both.

Positively Tarantinoian.

According to The Guardian, “Experts believe the two deaths might have stemmed from humans feeding the animals. When dolphins learn to associate people and boats with food, they can expose themselves to dangerous situations. Officials urged people to not feed wild dolphins.”

And I pretty much knew it. Soft-hearted centrist Democrats who love giving tiny nibbles to panhandlers but hate the idea of systematic overhaul are to blame.

Pete Buttigieg.

A $20,000 dollar reward is being offered for his capture.

Collect here.

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