Official: Multiple “extra-vicious” Great White sharks refusing to leave Florida’s waters, shattering long-held assumptions!

No more Gorkin Flips.

Floridians have long become accustomed to three things: Voter fraud, heart-attacks via combination of Hooter’s spicy wings and hooters, amputation via alligator, Castro hating, bad math, Gorkin Flips and shark nibbles via curious blacktip sharks.

Oh those blacktips ain’t mean, ain’t vicious at all, just bi-curious, and in this day and age is that so wrong?

A crime?

Absolutely not but a larger menace has arrived and refuses to vacate.

Great White sharks.

And it had always been assumed that the extra-vicious “man-eaters” only passed by the Sunshine State en route to somewhere better, either north or south, but just-released data suggests that they are staying put, much like elderly New Yorkers and let us go to the News Press for the absolute latest.

Several large tagged white sharks have “pinged” off the Sunshine State coast in recent weeks, with a handful popping up in the Atlantic Ocean and more recently in the Gulf of Mexico.

It’s nothing new to nature, but it is novel to Florida folklore, which has commonly said white sharks don’t come here.

“I hear from people all the time who are excited because Florida now has white sharks,” said Tyler Bowling, program manager for the University of Florida’s International Shark Attack File, “but they’ve always been here.”

The OCEARCH sharks that have recently pinged in Florida waters range from the 11 foot, 6 inch male known as Nova to the smaller 8-foot, 9-inch male called Brunswick.

Both pinged well offshore of Southwest Florida this month. A third recently pinged off the Panhandle.

Coronavirus or Great White? Floridians are going to be taken down by one of the two, or maybe both, seeing that many cruise ship also abuse the state.

If you were allowed to choose, which would you pick? Death by toothy beast or death by Carnival?

Much to ponder.


Bluestar, gettin' the old team back together! Maybe not JJ, however. | Photo: WSL

Rumour update: Eli Hanneman resigned for $250k-a-year as Hurley’s new owner quietly reassembles its surf team after “backlash”!

The dead rise!

So you know about Hurley’s new owners, Bluestar Alliance, rapidly and cleverly cleaning up its balance sheet by removing millions of dollars in surfers’ salaries from the ledger

Once, the best team ever assembled, John John, Julian, Filipe, Carissa, Kolohe, Eli Hanneman, Rob Machado etc, reduced  to a rump of surfers clinging to pre-existing contracts.

Now, according to a well-placed source (“If only you knew,” she tells me), Bluestar are quietly negotiating to bring back at least some of its jettisoned team, with Eli Hanneman being re-signed for $us250,00 a year.

“Seems like the backlash was too hard for them and realising they had cooked too many geese are righting their wrongs,” said the source. “Very quietly and with little to no fanfare. Rob could be next. Amazing, back from the dead.”

Carrisa Moore is an interesting study.

Is she or isn’t she?

Hurley has confirmed Carissa, who is taking a year off the tour, remains signed to the company until 2025 but Instagram posts reveal a pointed absence of Hurley stickers.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B7h-zkKhoLH/

“Guessing they will say she never let, just protracted negotiations as she never posted a goodbye Hurley post,” says the source. ”

Here, from one hour ago. Note wetsuit coat.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8zg8PKBRQI/

 

Fascinating, yes?


Report: “Distractingly polite” Kanoa Igarashi set to become world’s richest surfer as Tokyo Olympics approaches!

Multi-millions!

I once attended an extremely exclusive investment/financial conference in Miami. The founder of the event loved throwing curve balls at the attendees, a various assortment of the world’s richest men and most savvy investors, and I was that year’s Uncle Charlie, invited to interview General David Petraeus on stage.

After my duties were done, I mingled freely, trying to glean any insight I could as to how to actually make money. I chatted with some principal of some high-end firm and told him that everything investment-wise I ever touched turned to dust, every spark of inspiration I ever had was exactly wrong.

He told me that I was extremely valuable in his field and there was even a name for it which eludes me now but something like a canary in a coal mine. Someone who gets things so wrong at such a high frequency, has such bad instincts, that others can do the opposite and win.

It made me feel good.

Two years ago, BeachGrit‘s great business mind, Jazzy P, told me that Kanoa Igarashi was going to explode and become the face of surfing. I snorted so loudly that it shook the room.

Kanoa Igarashi?

Yeah right.

Today, the very mainstream New York Times confirmed that Kanoa is, indeed, the face of surfing and becoming very rich to boot, keeping my losing streak alive.

Some bites.

-With a back story ripped from a Hollywood script, crossover charisma and surfing skill that would impress Duke Kahanamoku, Kanoa Igarashi is riding a wave of opportunity that could carry him to Olympic gold and the sport to new heights.

-Last year with surfing’s Olympic introduction picking up buzz, Igarashi’s income hit $2 million, according to Bloomberg.

-Engaging, cool, distractingly polite, multi-lingual and accomplished, Igarashi is an endorser’s dream.

-Duke Kahanamoku is widely regarded as the father of surfing, even though he won five Olympic medals in swimming including gold at the 1912 and 1920 Games, while American Kelly Slater is seen as its greatest champion with 11 world titles. In between, however, there had been no transcendent figure, and the sport is hungry for its next one.

-Underscoring his crossover potential, you are just as likely to spot Igarashi in a GQ magazine photo spread as on surfing websites in ads for surf wear apparel company Quiksilver.

-If Igarashi’s story wasn’t compelling enough, the Olympics will bring it full circle when he competes for Olympic gold at the same Tsurigasaki-kaigan beaches where his father surfed growing up.

Etc.

So, are you going to push your chips onto Igarashi? Should I destroy the young man’s potential by pushing my chips on too?

More as the story develops.


Brian Sprinkle via San Luis Obispo PD.
Brian Sprinkle via San Luis Obispo PD.

Reefer Madness: Surfer in middle of competition arrested for leaving water, attacking elderly woman in parking lot!

"It is believed the suspect was under the influence of marijuana and hallucinogenic drugs."

Over the course of any surfing contest, when any Brazilian is in the water, announcers will use the word “passion” 150% more and if that announcer is Joe Turpel that number skyrockets to an almost unbelievable 2500%.

Well, a non-Brazlian surfer from La Jolla competing in a surf contest in Morro Bay, California allegedly left the water during his heat, made his way to the parking lot and attacked an elderly woman, knocking her to the ground and getting in some good cracks before bystanders intervened.

Per San Diego’s local news:

In a press release, officials said Brian Robert Sprinkle, 39, of La Jolla, “was participating in a surf competition when he exited the water and assaulted the woman without provocation.”

Sprinkle was booked in the San Luis Obispo County Jail on felony charges of elder abuse and battery, according to Morro Bay police.

It is believed the suspect was under the influence of marijuana and hallucinogenic drugs, police said in a statement.

Extremely odd, no? Extreme passion and I do feel very bad for the woman but also feel bad that Joe Turpel, currently on vacation, was not in the booth calling the action.

“And Pottz, it looks like the surfer in blue is leaving the water and headed to the parking lot and…..”

Should we make this a Mad Lib?


Jamie Mitchell on big-wave concussions, depression: “I’ve been struggling with some issues since my Jaws wipeout”

"All those guys that hit their heads hard at Pipe? I betcha they don’t feel a hundred percent. They may never feel one hundred percent.”

Yesterday, the big-waver Jamie Mitchell woke up, saw a photo of himself kneeling on the back of a jetski’s sled after a wipeout at Jaws two months ago that ripped open his wetsuit on the seabed and shook his brain into a concussion, and wrote an IG post about his feelings. 

Hands up for some more punishment… 🤔 In the heat of battle the answer was yes. Looking back the answer should of been NO. 

Concussions are no joke and it’s something i think not just big wave surfers but all surfers have to deal with and look at seriously for the future of there brain health 🙏

I’ve still been struggling with some issues since my Jaws wipeout and also seeing @live.fast.die.old struggles as well i think it’s important to look at and understand what these wipeouts may mean for the future generations. Just a thought 👍

Long-term exposure to surfing can lead to depression?

It’s a matter worth investigating.

I called Jamie, who’s just turned forty-three, whom Kelly Slater calls “one of the greatest unknown sportsmen of all time”, at Sunset Beach where he lives with his wife and two kids. 

First of all, Jamie says that for the past couple of weeks he’d been having these “weird head rushes, like I was drunk.” 

Was it, he wondered, a delayed reaction to the Jaws wipeout and the subsequent concussion? 

Was it something that affected other surfers? 

“I felt like I needed to post about it, it was a gut feeling. Could it be an important issue in the future?” he says. “With my little experience, then Albee in the Jaws contest, he’s had some real tough times as well, he’s still dealing with it and then I was speaking to Kohl Christenson about it, then Billy Kemper was nearly knocked out in Morocco. You know, it made me wonder. When will we, as surfers, look at concussion and what it’s doing to us.” 

How did Albee’s wipeout affect him? 

“Albee had a real bad one, man, he was vomiting after the wipeout. He had a really severe concussion. I don’t think he’s been doing too much surfing. He’s definitely been struggling a lot worse than I have been so, you know, it sucks to see. If he was to go out and have a bad wipeout now, what would that mean for him? I think he’s still feels a little bit off-balance, a little off. He did tow into Jaws and then he posted that he would’ve have done it and that it was lucky he didn’t fall.” 

In a recent IG post Albee wrote: “I have to wear a helmet and can’t last very long but got a glimmer of hope. Might not be this winter but there will be a day where it all comes together… or not, might just end up broken and brain dead…”

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8WvdZbFRHC/

The danger ain’t just in big waves. 

“How many times in small waves have you fallen the wrong way and you whiplash your head and you get that flash or the stars? It happens a lot. I don’t think we realise that these concussions or mini-concussions maybe add up over your life of surfing. I don’t get depressed a lot, there’s always been highs and lows, but I do tend to get little depressive thoughts more than ever. Is there a correlation to wiping out?” 

Jamie’s got an open mind on the subject. Maybe depression isn’t a side-effect of wipeouts but part of the game of chasing big waves. 

“You go through adrenalin highs chasing swells then you go through an adrenalin dump. If it’s a good consistent season, and you’re surfing big waves twice a month, sometimes I’ll find myself being a little bummed out. And I do feel like it’s happening more and more. But is it just life? Getting older? It’s an issue the NFL is finding out about. It might be nice to have a study on it, get surfers who’ve been concussed tested or at least get people talking about it. Look at what happened to Owen? Look at what happened to Dusty? All those guys that hit their heads hard at Pipe? I betcha they don’t feel a hundred percent. They may never feel one hundred percent.”

Jamie thinks back to his own belting at Jaws. 

“After that wipeout I wasn’t really coherent. I wasn’t feeling good. I wasn’t seeing straight. But I was frantically looking for my escort boat to get another board. Reflecting on that, dude, that should’ve been it for me. I got lucky. I had another bad wipeout because I was already concussed and fell off on a wave I should’ve made. The photo made me reflect on that and if someone sees my post, sees that I admit I shouldn’t have gone back out, but it’ll make others think more before they do it again.”