No quarter.
We’re all doing our best here to at least look like we’re being respectful, staying away from others, vigorously washing our hands and/or squirting hand sanitizer in front of others so they can see how seriously we’re all taking this Coronavirus pandemic. This absolute horror above/beyond anything ever seen in human history. Sneezing into our elbows. Using those same elbows to “fist bump.”
Two teenaged boys in Santa Cruz went the extra social distancing mile yesterday, for example, hanging scarlet S U P’s around their necks. StandUp Paddleboard. A device guaranteed to keep people well over six feet away and likely cause denouncement from friends and family members. More “social killer” than “social distancer” as these boys will likely never find a partner who forgives but there they were, doing their part, standup paddleboarding out beyond the kelp beds ringing Santa Cruz’s Pleasure Point but did nature reward their self sacrifice?
Their taking one for the team?
Let’s turn to Santa Cruz’s local news affiliate for answers.
Two teenagers who said a shark thrashed their Stand Up Paddle board in waters of Pleasure Point in Santa Cruz on Friday walked away unscathed.
The close encounter happened while they were in the water in the evening when one teen said his SUP board was suddenly and aggressively pushed by a shark.
They were paddle boarding past the kelp beds when he felt a jolt and was knocked off his board.
While there was thrashing in the water, he scrambled back atop his board only to see a shark taking a bite of the back of the board.
The teen then punched the shark causing it to let go of the board. The friends got out of the water quickly with the board, which now has visible bite marks in the SUP board.
Uncalled for and horrible, proving once and for all that sharks do what they do on purpose.
That they love to be stone-cold bastards
That they hate men and/or boys.
No surfing in Santa Cruz for both moral high horse reasons but mostly related to deadly, malicious Great White sharks.
More unforgiving than your glaring neighbor when you step out for a waltz in the sun during this Coronavirus Apocalypse.
More as the story develops.
Some of whom should be taken to the vets for a thorough check over.
@Chas Smith this may not be the appropriate time or place to tell you this, but I am beginning to think you may be a genius, maybe an idiot-savant of the highest order…. Keep writing! its obvious you cut right to the bone of truth. these people they cant handle the truth.
wow I am impressed by the sheer number of people that are so developmentally (retarted) disabled to think this is serious. they would have seizure if they read the onion or the babylon bee
there seems to be a very recent very large influx of new commentators that are so thick that they do not realize that what they are reading is mostly completely tougue-in-cheek sarcasm.
Maybe Chas Smith is Trump’s pen name? Between the “author’s” writing and intense hatred for sharks… Hmmmm???
Actually it’s a picture of one woman and a little girl. And that was a joke. I was trying to poke fun at how men view feminism. Also, the fact that obviously not a shark or a feminist “love being a stone cold bastard and hate men.” 🤣🤣🤣
Why do you hate all men? I happen to be a man who works his ass off while raising a 13 year old girl on my own for the past 7 years. Also served my country overseas for 6 years to make sure we have and keep the freedoms our founders gave us.so tell me again why you hate someone like me? I only ask because I was raised to love everyone even if they hate you love them because we are all God’s creation and I live by that so again why would you hate someone like me?
🤣🤣🤣
You call this professional writing???
well, are you getting paid for it?
What a disjointed, awfully written article. Cant tell what the person was going for, but it wasn’t funny from any angle. I think I wrote something like this in my 8th grade english class. If this was from a 13 year old, then it would still only be a B- at best.
No worries, dear. I don’t have one. I’m a hard-working full time student, learning how to NOT write shitty stories like this one, but write things that are factual, will educate us, and hopefully make us better as people.
“Sharks do what they do on purpose”? What? People go into their homes, their environment! So if you are one of the very very few people who do get attacked it’s honestly kinda ur fault for going into the ocean where they live!!!!! It’s easy, if you don’t want to get attacked, don’t swim in the ocean! Or go somewhere without sharks or a shark wall. Take Precautions if you do to stay safe. And to the author, maybe learn about they awful way humans treat sharks and kill thousands of them every minute. It’s heartbreaking…
Tf is this shit
This was a terribly written article. Hard to follow.. I’m glad the kids are ok, but shark do what shark do.. we the one how cross over into their home.. n what does this really have to do with social distancing..
That was the one thing I thought about putting into my rant, but didn’t. They probably weren’t practicing social distancing, they just didn’t want to smack into each other! Lol Im so glad those surfers are ok!
Do the crime, do the time.
An Article in the Comment’s Section About a Terrible Article
By, Jamie Brooks
(That also didn’t format as intended.)
I can’t believe the work I am going through to finally achieve my dream of becoming a writer, and there’s idiots like this that are taking that dream away from me. I tend to criticize web-written stories as they are often written with a multitude of grammatical errors, but this makes it to the top of my list. In fact, even calling it an “article” is ambitious for this junk! It’s based on his personal biases; opinion and speculation rather than facts. I’m not sure who offends me more: the writer, or the editor that approved this for publishing. I would only share this crap to humiliate the writer and editor as one of the most terribly written articles I’ve ever read.
“Sharks do what they do on purpose..(and)..they hate men and/or boys.”
Well, had the writer, Chas Smith, fact-checked this story, as I did before writing this comment, then Chas would know that only an
“estimated 19% of world-wide surfers are female.” Combine that with the “odds of a shark attack being an estimated 1 in 3.7 million if you live within 100 miles of the coast,” simple math tells you the odds will be favorable to shark attacks being mostly on “men and/or boys.”
Additionally, in regards to “sharks doing what they do on purpose,” as my favorite psychologist, Dr. Donald Siggins, Ph.D. from Woodland, Ca would say, “Things do, as things do.” If you are in the ocean, you’re risking any variety of dangers. Just as if we step out of our homes, or hell–step into our kitchen or bathroom!
So, Chas Smith, next time you are lucky enough to write an article and have it published (and I hope you’re not), give us some FACTS and keep your opinions to yourself.
Lastly, with the exception of citing my sources, take notes from my comment, because this is how you write an appropriate story!
Resources:
https://www.google.com/amp/…
https://www.surfer.com/feat…
Additional Resources:
Florida Museum’s Yearly Worldwide Shark Attack Summary:
https://www.floridamuseum.u…
Jamie Brooks
[email protected]
Next class we will be going over what a credible source looks like…
Oh if I’m not mistaken that picture is from a movie😂
“Viciously attacked” reading on… Only the board was damaged😂😂😂😂😂
Right? Lmao! And hell–I’ve seen surf boards way more viciously attacked than this one! 😆
JAWS Movie MR. HOOPER: “All these sharks do is swim, eat and make baby sharks. A perfect killing machine”.
I find it funny that we’re still paying “Marine biologist” millions of dollars a year to figure out why sharks attack people. By mistake? They mistake you as a seal? Who gives a shit. They are hungry and sharks will eat whatever they can period.
Chas has been reporting on all things sharky here for ages. Regular readers appreciate his style, which is undeniably unhinged and laughs recklessly in the face of all known laws of English. But, he’s a good bloke and he works hard to bring us these combat reports. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Keep your trap shut and head for the exit.
“Bloke?” “Us?” So you’re the Australian in this 2-man company? Just so we’re clear, you’re asking a writer (myself), if I don’t like the story I can leave. Although I am learning: how NOT to ever write a story. But fair is fair, right? So if YOU don’t like sharks, leave the water, bloke.
I’m English, I’m an editor by profession, and by “us” I mean ‘us readers’. :p
Sup? Yeah that’s what sharks do. They kill, shit, screw, and make baby sharks.sharks don’t give a shit about social distancing.