Strange days.

Though did you ever see the film Strange Days starring a younger Ralph Fiennes, Angela Bassett, Juliette Lewis, Vince D’Onofrio etc? It wasn’t the best movie ever made, of course, but a semi-fun dystopian look at the near future. Similar to Back to the Future II.

Escape from L.A.

Videodrome.

And, my goodness, our apocalyptic future looked so grim but exciting back then. Everything a grey + neon swirl with mini-CDs as currency. We are living in it now, of course, and it is neither grey nor neon just the same colors as always, with the mini-CD technology vanishing too quickly and… Oh, I don’t know. If I’m being honest very disappointing.

Sure, there the petrodollar’s collapse is imminent and that will lead to a global economic crash, a Chinese-crafted disease is ripping through immuno-compromised populations and the Great White shark has vacated once-fertile False Bay in South Africa but where did they go?

According to Australia’s ABC news:

Only a few years ago, scientists estimated there were between 300 and 500 great white sharks in South Africa’s False Bay. Now, they have completely disappeared.

While local surfers might have relaxed, the absence of the apex predators is alarming to scientists, and the lucrative industries that rely on their presence.

“I’ve spent my entire life in the field watching these animals on a daily basis,” local cage dive operator and wildlife photographer Chris Fallows says.

“When the waters go quiet, both above and below the surface, and these predators are not there, it sounds huge alarm bells.”

Etc.

Etc.

Theory.

Theory until we get to…

“Flake” has long been a staple in Australian diets, but overfishing of gummy and school shark populations led to protection of the two species in our waters in the early 1990s.

In order to meet demand, Australia began importing “flake”, mostly from New Zealand and, more recently, from South Africa.

Australia’s seafood labelling laws require that any fresh or frozen fish sold must be labelled with the country of origin, but once the seafood is cooked, these laws no longer apply.

In many cases, it is impossible to know where or how the fish you’re eating at your local cafe, restaurant or fish and chips shop was caught.

“Australians commonly refer to shark meat as ‘flake’, but it can be sold as ‘pearl fillet’, it can be sold as ‘boneless fillet’ and it can be sold as ‘monkfish’. There’s no legal obligation to actually call it what it is,” Dr Guida says.

With 70 per cent of the seafood we consume in Australia coming from overseas, this poses significant challenges to traceability and accountability, disempowers consumers and impacts Australia’s reputation as a leader in sustainability.

I suppose that’s a sort of dystopian vision I can really get behind. Disturbing, certainly. Very grim but also exciting?

Oh, I don’t know.

These are strange days.

Traffic jams etc.

You don’t think of me as Australian but I am, or at least am in our modern self-identity era. I self-identified as Australian when I was five-years-old living in Papua New Guinea with many Australian friends. They talked better than me.

Cooler.

Ate Vegemite on toast, a substance I assumed to be chocolate.

Thus, I was Australian too.

I lived in that Lucky Country some ten years ago and took a trip to a gorgeously quaint hamlet doubly named Forster-Tuncurry, once, with then notable professional surfer Craig Anderson.

Forster obviously pronounced Foster.

The water, he told me, was famously clear and boy was it.

So clear.

We surfed with a gangster who had gold teeth. A longer-than-necessary story and I wouldn’t bother with it you now except to say that Forster-Tuncurry is apparently a Great White Shark superhighway.

A brand-new research report assessing “white shark behaviour (sp) along coastal beaches for conversation-focused shark mitigation” used a drone and revealed something very disturbing/titillating.

And you guessed it.

Shark tracks.

Great White tracks.

The report, funded by NSW DPI and associated NSW Shark Management Strategy, Southern Cross University and the Paddy Pallin Foundation in partnership with the Royal Zoological Society of NSW, found 108 sharks tracked, just swimming there looking for snacks and revealed…

…Water clarity did not influence swim behavior according to track metrics in our study

Time of day influenced white shark behavior in terms of average swim speed, track straightness and net velocity. Notably, the slightly faster swim speeds and higher net velocities, as well as potentially slightly straighter tracks, in morning and afternoon periods.

White sharks found near the surf zone in this study were juvenile to sub-adult size classes

Whilst some of the behavior observed might support the exploratory bite hypothesis, there is likely an increased risk of a shark bite to bathers during situations where there are large shark-attracting food sources present.

But those red lines?

Can those, scientifically, be assumed to be trails of blood from panicked surfers attempting to reach shore after having feet chomped right off?

Likely?

More as the story develops.

Two men enter, one man leaves.

I had too much obvious fun when World Surf League CEO Erik Logan and World Surf League Vice President of Events, Tours and National Regeneration Pat O’Connell swung by Dirty Water last week. Derek Rielly’s pepperings, ELo’s evasions, Pat’s laughter all had me laughing too.

It was only when I read the comments, underneath the posted podcast, that I realized none of this is funny and I blew my second chance to demand accountability from Mr. Logan, master of doublespeak, expert in evasion.

Damn it.

Erik Logan 2

Chas Smith 0

Well, I’m already agitating for a third go ’round. Not to salvage respect, oh no that is long gone, but to try and be a better surf journalist.

David Lee Scales and I spoke about this on today’s Grit! About personal evolution and also about the massive power struggle happening, right now, atop Mount Positivity for the very soul of professional surfing.

Watching Mr. Logan and Pat, splitting the screen, Pat starting to mimic some of the doublespeak but catching himself and laughing at the ludicrousness of saying everything and nothing at once, Mr. Logan appealing to Pat’s core credentials etc. made me realize, for the first time, they are locked in deadly battle.

Both ultra-positive, yes, but both stand in front of professional surfing and see something… different. Mr. Logan needs it to be a consumed product leading to growth in the “content” department. Pat, I imagine, would be happy to simply stick the world’s 16 best surfers on the world’s 8 best waves and let ‘er rip “content” be damned.

He knows how bad Transformed et. al. is. He knows the WSL content is generally terrible with no hope of getting better. His eyes, those friendly, glorious eyes can’t hide it.

So, will Mr. Logan roll Pat? Will Pat smash Mr. Logan? Is your breath bated?

Listen here!

But wait...

They say that a shark cum surf journalist has much fortitude and knowledge except for in his own home and how true that appears to be, for an unprecedented tag team of shark and stingray took down a teenage surfer, or bodyboarder, minutes away from my own home when I was in the water and I missed it.

Missed it entirely.

Oh, certainly the rumors circulated to me within hours. “Shark attack at Moonlight Beach…” though was quickly downgraded to “Never mind… stingray.”

Stingray hits are a dime a dozen here.

Painful but cheap.

This morning, however, I read that first there was a shark attack, later downgraded to aggressive bump followed by a punctured foot due stingray, which caused me intense shame, and let’s go all the way to Boston to learn more.

A 16-year-old boy was punctured by a stingray and aggressively bumped by a shark Wednesday, days after beaches reopened along California’s coast.

The teen was on a bodyboard or surfboard around 5:30 p.m. off Moonlight Beach when he encountered the shark, The San Diego Union-Tribune reported.

The victim first told lifeguards he was bitten by a shark; however, on the way to the hospital officials determined he was “aggressively bumped” by it, the Union-Tribune reported.

The boy’s mother told KSWB the shark tore his wetsuit and a sting ray punctured his ankle.

The beach was immediately closed and shark advisory signs were posted along the beach, KNSD reported.

Per Twitter:

Teenage surfer encounters a shark & stingray at #MoonlightBeach. Lifeguards say he kicked at a shark. A woman identifying as his mother says shark did not bite him but a stingray punctured him. The teen was rushed to the hospital w minor injuries. Stay w #FOX5SanDiego @ 10/11PM

And wait just a dang second. I AM a shark cum surf journalist and my shame is vanishing as my solid reputation re-grows. Absolutely no way this happened. The bite to bump is suspicious as is going to the hospital for a stingray jab, normally treated right there in the lifeguard tower by placing foot in bucket of warm water.

I shall postulate that the teenager was bumped by his bodyboard then stung then discombobulated as he has been locked out of the ocean water for months and forgot what it all feels like, the swirling and pulling and pushing and whatnot.

The heavy toll of Coronavirus closures.

But I promise to stay on the trail for you. To uncover other such truths and bring complete light to SharkStingray-Gate.

More as the story develops.