"We been in quarantine, and I need to get out and party!"

But let us not forget, somewhere in the multiverse exists an earth where a Chinese man did not eat a bat, where a novel Coronavirus didn’t race around infecting and killing, where obese diabetics over 80 with underlying heart conditions are living full, complete, fear-free lives.

Where professional surfing began its 2020 World Tour on time and we have finished the thrilling Australian leg with Kolohe Andino wearing the Jeep Leaderboard Yellow Jersey heading into G-Land.

And Jeep.

Such a steady sponsor of professional surfing. Such a rock. Refusing to follow Samsung, Build-a-Bear, Barefoot Wine, Wienerschnitzel etc. out the door.

It can only mean that Jeep owners and professional surfing fans are one in the same. Tragically, the lack of professional surfing has caused many Jeep owners a deep, powerful consternation. One that is blowing right through the seams and let us travel to a Texas beach, together, where 200 professional surfing fans were arrested and two shot at a Jeep enthusiast rally.

Per NBC News:

A raucous Texas beach event known as “Go Topless Jeep Weekend” ended with two people hospitalized following a shooting and nearly 200 others arrested on various charges.

Galveston County Sheriff Henry Trochesset said two men were airlifted to the hospital after both of them were shot in the torso during the annual event on Bolivar Peninsula, which brings together thousands of Jeep lovers and 4-wheeler enthusiasts, many flying Italo Ferriera’s green and yellow “Stoke-ed” flag.

A group of men and women were arguing when the fight escalated and gunshots rang out, Trochesset told NBC News. The conditions of the two men who were hospitalized haven’t been released.

Authorities are looking for a third man in a Gabriel Medina singlet who fled, the sheriff said Tuesday. No arrests were made in the shooting, and the investigation is ongoing.

By the time the gathering ended, more than 180 attendees had been taken into custody on numerous unrelated charges. The sheriff said charges included assault, driving without wearing a seat belt, DWI and public intoxication. Most of those who were arrested have since bonded out.

Justin Weaver, a resident of Bolivar, told NBC affiliate KBMT of Beaumont that he was disappointed in how people acted.

“I don’t know why it’s so hard for people just to show up and have fun these days,” he said. “It disappoints me to see that kind of violence come here, because it’s usually real quiet but people need to get there man-on-man somewhere, you know? We all forgetting what the excellent range even looks like.”

“We been in quarantine, and I need to get out and party,” beachgoer Chelsey Coyer told KBMT, reminding people how to take precautions. “Wash them hands for 20 seconds, keep them clean with the Germ-X and God bless Kolohe Andino. American boy right there.”

Alas, things look to get worse, before getting better, as a specialty Lemoore event is being planned to ease some of the pressure.

Will it work?

Experts say, “No.”

More as the story develops.

Heroes have risen.

Maybe falling in love with a mid-length surfboard has changed me. Thawed my bitter, cold heart and made me see, for the first time, that “the best surfer in the water is the one having the most fun.” That “horses for courses” is the way toward enlightenment.

No such thing as a bad watercraft, only bad people. My hydrofoil doesn’t kill you, I do etc.

Well, whatever the case, today I was sent an instagram post featuring a near-naked New Jersey legend goat boating some 50 degree (10 celsius) storm surge and it captivated me nearly as much as Dane Reynolds newest offering.

Shall we together?

Tell me he doesn’t belong with Mickey Minor, Django and Wade Goodall as a Surf Hero in the Time of Coronavirus.

Note the other surfer in 5 mm, boots, hood and gloves.

Note the effortless roll at the end.

Inspirational.

Very anti-depressive.

“Then I saw the whale and I was like ‘that’s pretty cool’."

We surfers, we waggers of tongues and tattlers of tales, have not had a very good Coronavirus Pandemic run or, or at least not as it relates to public perception. Afraid, vicious little rats is how we’ve come off. Also, sanctimonious, hypocritical know-it-alls. Throwing each other under the bus, collaborating with draconian authorities, zooming our whimsical entries for the #HomeBreakChallenge instead of just paddling out into the vast ocean.

Heroes have, of course, risen. Heroes like Mickey Minor in La Jolla who told a SUP to “fuck off” just days ago. Heroes like Django on Australia’s Gold Coast who, yesterday, freed a trapped baby whale from a shark net off Burleigh Heads.

Let’s hurry and read his story before some surfer and/or Stab magazine writer demands a citizen’s arrest.

A diver who freed a baby humpback whale from a Gold Coast shark net, while authorities were making their way to the scene, was expecting a fine, despite his good deed.

The man, named only as “Django”, rejected the “hero” status bestowed on him on social media and said he could afford any fine coming his way, despite internet strangers offering to raise funds to cover the cost.

Django took to the water off Burleigh Heads about 7am on Tuesday after a drone operator reportedly spotted the whale entangled in the shark net.

“I was going for a dive off Burleigh,” Django said. “Then I saw the whale and I was like ‘that’s pretty cool’. Then I saw he was in the net and I thought ‘that’s not that cool’. So I went over and had a look, and then the adrenaline kicked in.

I had a knife, but I didn’t really need to use it, he just had his left pectoral fin wrapped up.

“Eventually, I got him enough out of the rope so he could just break free.”

Django said he was not scared of the whale but was cautious of the potentially deadly ramifications of coming too close to shark nets.

Django said he passed the Department of Fisheries team responding to the incident on his way back to shore and explained what had happened.

He said the government workers told him he would be fined for his actions, but Django didn’t go into detail about what the fine was for.

On Tuesday night, a Department of Agriculture and Fisheries spokesman said no decision had been made regarding whether Django would be fined, with the Queensland Boating and Fisheries Patrol yet to finalise its investigation.

Under Queensland laws, shark-control equipment is protected by a 20-metre exclusion zone. Those failing to adhere can be fined $26,900.

In response to questions regarding a potential fine, Django said: “Oh yeah, it’s fair enough … I can afford it … it was an expensive day, but whatever … you’ve just got to pay the price sometimes.”

Despite his potentially expensive day out, Django said he would be back in the water on Wednesday because “the surf is pumping”.

And a proper hero. A reason to feel proud again and all of it, from Django’s name to the fact that he doesn’t care about the fine he’s going to cop to his Wednesday plans, is just perfection.

Should we raise money for a Django statue to be erected at Burleigh Heads?

Speaking of, does the Gold Coast have a statue of Mick Fanning anywhere?

Joel Parkinson?

Let’s hurry with our Django plan.