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Australian rugby star retires at 31 declaring: “Unfortunately it’s no longer the 1960s where a warm-up was a cigarette and training was 10 beers in the pub. Now the time has come for surfing!”

"Le temps est venu pour le surf."

When I lived in Australia for a year, in the late aughts, I fell very much in love with Australian Rules Football. Collingwood claimed my heart but I would happily while away the evening hours, Carlton Draught in hand, watching whichever team happened to be playing that evening.

Carlton was my second favorite team, thanks its namesake beer (the best in all of Australia), St. Kilda third.

I did not like Geelong because the town reminded me too much of my hometown Coos Bay and was on the way to Bells.

In any case, I could not understand how people would choose to watch rugby over Aussie Rules but rugby is more popular, no?

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Certainly more popular worldwide where we find star Australian winger Blair Connor playing for Bordeaux-Begles in France and retiring at the ripe young age of 31.

Why?

Surfing of course as he announced, “Unfortunately for me, it’s no longer the 1960s where a warm-up was a cigarette and training was 10 beers in the pub. I decided I could give 100 percent this season but I’ll have nothing more to give next season…. Now the time has come for surfing.”

Bravo but do you think that Gabriel Medina, Michel Bourez, Kanoa Igarashi and all the super hard one-time professional surf trainers are re-thinking their plotted course?

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They very much should be as I’ve always held that a cigarette and 10 beers in the perfect regimen.

And here’s to Blair Connor’s new surfing career.

Our next Chris Ward?

Fingers crossed.

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47 Comments
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Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt

Thanks. Your frosted mullet looks fierce. Teased, sprayed, and blown just perfect. I’m jealous. The ladies must love it.

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt

Where in San Diego? I used to live across the street from Robb field and my Kiwi roommate used to play. His profession was a surgical tech, and he would stitch up his teammates on the sidelines all the time.

Billy Hunt

Easy to do ; )

janeausten

..my bad, “Hunt for the Wilderpeople” was what I was thinking of… my brain in melding those EnZed coming of age films into one.

Low wide stinkbug stance

Haha Collingwood supporter. Epic fail.

Tommy Riddle

The club he’s played at for the last 10 years is in Bordeaux. Most people who go to the rugby in Bordeaux speak French. Les français ne parlent pas anglais.

Lemon Next to the Pie

Have you ever seen a game of soccer?

Chief Hot stuff
Shroom

Roy and HG fuckn legends

Uneducated

80s, 90s commentary of state of origin was and still is, a highlight in Australian comedy

Clip clip Hoff…inaction Jackson…still makes me laugh just thinking about it

Lemon Next to the Pie

The best nickname was ‘Adolf’. Brad Fittler.

Chief Hot stuff
Lemon Next to the Pie

It’s so cute when foreigners try to decipher the ‘rugby’ models. You are on the right track Chas, Aussie Rules is the correct choice. Although the game young Blair plays is the secondary game to ‘rugby league’ in Australia. In New Zealand and the UK, ‘rugby union’ is the more popular of the rugbys. Rugby Union in Australia is floundering after years of pandering to the top end and ignoring the grass roots. The game is not available on free to air tv and pay tv does not have enough market to provide interest. Of all the codes in Australia, it has been by far the hardest hit. Although, they seem to have struck a deal overnight to get some (pay) tv coverage, not that it will help their cause much.

Rugby Union in Australia for a long time the last amateur hold out ‘big’ sport. It relied on private school toffs for its playing ranks. Occasionally snaffling a few talented ‘leaguies’, who took to the verdant playing fields of the classy schools via scholarships and then returned to their roots when school finished. Kalyn Ponga being one of these. Kalyn is a transplanted Kiwi who took his school to (rugby union) premiership glory and then went to play league as soon as he was finished there. Currently he is the most watchable player in the league comp by virtue of his speed, elusiveness and guts in defence*. Also interesting is that despite being a Kiwi who plays for a NSW team, he plays for Queensland in State of Origin.

The State of Origin series is the most watchable rugby league of the year. Not always for great play. Usually the first two games are a bit defence oriented with most attack coming from kicks and both teams more focused on avoiding losing (through conceding points) than trying to win. But the third game can be compelling.

Rugby Union on the other hand is highly officiated game with rule changes so complex most players can barely keep up, let alone the spectators and/or referees. At its best, it is a great game to watch, but anything less is a tedium of turgid miasma that would make watching the Lemoore Wave Pool Comp, while strapped to the Clockwork Orange chair with eyes propped open with toothpicks for 3 days, preferable.

The big advantage the rugbys have over Aussie Rules is that the main action can be contained within the confines of the tv screen. Aussie Rules is best explained by actually being at the ground and being able to take in the bigger picture of the 360 nature of the game. League and Union only need to focus on where the ball is with the occasional wider shot to show where the attack is heading.

The bigger concern is, as has been stated before, is your preference for Collingwood, and your second choice Carlton. Probably the two most hated teams in the AFL. Both carry an air of superiority not commensurate with their results. Collngwood at least have some background with the working class, while Carlton are most famous for running a salary cap scam for a length of time that would make the Donald green with envy, and have the same amount of remorse.

St. Kilda would be a better choice. A history of disappointment, tragedy and inadvertent comedy would be a
more sympathetic choice. But no, Chas heads straight for the sharks every time.

* One of the main differences with US sports being the lack of substitutes. You are either on the field, and expected to attack or defend depending on need, or a spectator.

Otto

Turgid miasma?!! I had to look up what the hell that meant, and I got the Celibate Rifles.
That was a great comment. Worthy of its own article status. Come on Chas, bump Lemon’s work to the front page.

Lemon Next to the Pie

It was either that or try and work in a reference to a “Midstream of Consciousness”. Horses for courses brah.

frank

o I love celibate rifles!!!, thanks for the time warp, I spent many hours listening, bitd so rad!
https://m.youtube.com/watch…

@surfads

Or in summary: rugby league is a simple game, played by simple people; rugby union is a complicated game, played by cunts.

As a diehard Knights supporter I’m currently looking at gender reassignment options so I can have Kayln’s babies. Important to note two other rising stars in our team: Bradman Best, the 18 year old with possibly the best name in Australian sports; and Tex Hoy, son of – you guessed it – Matt.

longtom

they look pretty good this year.

@surfads

Yeah but last time we were undefeated after four rounds was 2015 and we ended up getting the spoon. Completely different kettle of fish this year but supporting them is like staying with an abusive partner. I do think they’ve finally turned a corner though.

Chief Hot stuff

Manly still got a lotta supporters up there.

FelipesFrontFoot

The strength through constant adversity surely has to make you a better person?

Lemon Next to the Pie

Still nothing like being a St. Kilda supporter. At least you have premierships in living memory.

NEGATRON

My old man always called League Statehouse Rugby.

@surfads

Haha oh man I can only imagine NZ domestic league

Beef & Beer

GNARLY AS FUCK in my day…

Beef & Beer

My old man played League for Taranaki and then Rugby for the Navy.
I played both on the ‘Shore till giving up through concussions aged 16 to go surfing haha

NEGATRON

My old boy played reserves for St George when he lived in Sydney.
I was a pussy and played football (soccer)

Shroom

Bro.. my old boy invented Rugby..haha .. is this you two as groms?
https://youtu.be/P8KAaf45g5U

beejaymac10

greatest.ad.ever.

Shroom

So good

janeausten

He’s a good kid, that one out of ‘Boy’…hope he has a good future.

John Wayne

Tex does look pretty decent – imagine how many VBs his old man is consuming whilst watching him play.

Uneducated

My brother is a member of the knights and goes to every home game
It was his 50th a few weeks ago so I was looking at trying to get him one of those cardboard cut out fan photos

He said that would be great…but he needs a photo of himself with his hand slapping his forehead, and a permanent look of disappointment, to have any level of accuracy

Lemon Next to the Pie

Yeah, the Best kiddy looks the goods. And Tex! Just being related to Matt is enough for me to get on the bandwagon.

Chas Smith

Thank you, thank you for elucidation…. and dang my crooked heart, but I love Collingwood and Carlton now more than ever.

Chief Hot stuff

Was Billy Birmingham a racist
https://youtu.be/TC0A9dOBQQY

Zero Wedge

Chas this is a masterclass in knowing ones customer.

Chumming the water with the foreigner feigning knowledge about local sport while naming local beer in order to bring the post-juvenille whites in to give a sniff.

And boy did they bite!

Engagement sans enragment, I didn’t know you had it in you.

Maybe it’s time to pivot into all the rugbies and all the football’s (except American, European)

Lemon Next to the Pie

Was explaining your contact with Aussie Rules to a fellow fan this morning. He said,
“But why Collingwood? And Carlton? Jeez…”
I said you “were a contrarian at heart”.
He acknowledged that made sense. But then “to lump St. Kilda in with the heathens is the real crime.”

You do you Chas.

Gino

Pretty sure he’s a Melbourne guy but doesn’t know it.

Gino

Carlton is a wog team Chas.
Have a listen to Pauly talk in Fat Pizza before it gets erased from history in 3 hrs time.

Chief Hot stuff

Go Manly!!!
Premiers in every decade since 1970

John Wayne

This is so well written one must assume you love union !

Lemon Next to the Pie

Went to a Union school, but have ended up an Aussie Rules player and now fan.

Beef & Beer

THE BEST COMMENT HERE EVER ! !

Uneducated

Great stuff lemon
I actually find second tier level rugby better to watch than top tier. Like high level club rugby in new Zealand or top level schoolboys. Just seem less likely to play for penalties, sport seems a bit more pure
But great comment

Lemon Next to the Pie

The most enjoyable game I have seen recently was a schoolboy game between a Saffa school on tour against a local school in Brisbane. The Saffa kids played like a razor sharp, drilled within a inch of their lives bunch, while the Aussies played seat of the pants Fiji style. Precision vs. Flair. Ended up about 30-28 and I honestly can’t remember who won. Great game.

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt

Excellent write up and explanation. Thank you for your service.
Not all hero’s wear capes.


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