A gift for the weary.
A great fear hovers just beyond the horizon, past worries about pandemic re-spiking, boiling racial tension, impending economic collapse.
The Great Fear, even, and it is that we will all run out of entertainment soon.
Production on television shows and films went into a freeze months ago and have yet to restart. Nighttime talk show hosts are looking increasingly silly in their casual attire and clearly flawed skin.
The most dire predictions declare we will be all the way out of previously unaired material by September, if things stay as they are, but a hot, hot rumor suggests that the World Surf League, our World Surf League is set to roll cameras next month behind the wooden gates of Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California.
The reality show, Ultimate Surfer, was announced last autumn. Per the press release:
ABC has greenlighted surfing competition reality series Ultimate Surfer, headlined by 11-time World Surf League champion Kelly Slater. The eight-episode series, from prolific unscripted producer Craig Piligian’s Lionsgate-owned Pilgrim Media Group and WSL Studios, will feature top up-and-coming surfers. They will train and live together as they battle it out at WSL’s state-of-the-art Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California, which employs by Kelly Slater’s man-made wave technology. (You can watch a video about the facility below)
Slater will serve as on-air talent and special correspondent for the show, executive produced by Pilgrim CEO and President Piligian, WSL Studios President of Content and Media Erik Logan, and UFC President Dana White.
As you well know, Kelly Slater has mysteriously returned to the United States of America from his Australian quarantine.
Is this the reason?
Also, I hope it is the reason. I have been to Lemoore, myself, in July and will be returning this July in order to attempt surf journalism and catch unscripted moments from the unscripted show. Do you think they will allow participants to play the pokies at the Tachi Palace?
Do you think they will make the participants wear masks?
Will the “surfers falling in love with other surfers” storylines be shelved because of those masks?
Lemoore is not pleasant in July but I am very excited for this show and wonder if, alongside wildcards into future World Championship Tour events, the winner gets to visit World Surf League owner and co-Waterperson of the Year Dirk Ziff’s plantation?
Hmmmm.
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How many embarrassing spectacles will the wsl forcefeed the starved surf fans. I rubberneck these comps the same as I do accidents on the highway. Shameful brief undevided attention as I scan for injury, wondering to myself who is at fault.
Why is goat a goofy in the abc promo materials?
Bi-Stanceual
I keenly await
Sweet Kelly jumping the shark
Fonzarelliesque
Fuck the pokies, real casino-based gamblers play the tables…
I’m interested. It has the potential to be far more interesting than watching a contest.
It will be interesting too see who they cast and what stereotypes they will use to develop the characters.
They may get it right and it becomes a sensation and just like the Gidget movie the surfing population will tripple over night!
“Executive produced by Dana White”
Huh?
So striking during a paddle battle will be allowed?
My money’s on Bourez.
Even with 4 oz gloves, he’ll knock’m all out.
‘Cept maybe Robbo, he looks to have quick head movement, so he might be tricky.
Looks like Pilgrim Media is already about to shoot a back up plan:
https://www.pilgrimmediagro…
I think Kettleman is far enough from the huge Harris Ranch feedlot so you don’t smell it? My co-worker calls it cow-schwitz cause its basically auschwitz. for our bovine friends.
Cowschwitz… LOL! Now, every time I drive past there, imma remember that.
I hope there is a cooking segment.
Username checks out.
Well the original recipe was to throw the world’s best surfers into the bowl, stir for 3 days…toss in some second rate bands for garnishing
The result was a giant snooze pie
Now they are going to try the same recipe, but with second and third rate surfers
Good luck with that
Best thing about Lemoore is watching it get smaller in your rear view mirror.
I heard that Slater flew back to the U.S. to fire the surfranch staff who let JoB sneak in with some rich kooks knowing fully well he was banned from going there…
I heard to reduce risk the only contestant is going to be Kai Lenny, competing against himself on 8 different surf craft.
Look out for his backflip on the SUP goatboat, it’s out of this world
foil tow ins behind the train?
Does this show fall under the auspiceses of the wsl fun police? Specifically no close ups of female front side bottom turns?
If yes, then the shows gonna bomb.
Non surfers might be entertained but a bald guy they’ve never heard of isn’t the right guy to host it.
I wasn’t aware that the words “ultimate surfer” and “surf ranch Lemoore” could be used in the same sentence. As long as there are still reruns of South Park, Seinfeld, and Gilligan’s Island, I don’t plan on watching this anytime soon.
I feel bad for looking forward to this.
I wonder what Chanel it’ll be on over here in good ole Selandia Baru ?
And whether it’ll be priorly known ‘B (or C) grade’ competitors, or any old kooky clown-school graduates ?
How many channels you got now? Three, four?
Maybe 5 for free and another 5 if ya pay for them, depending on how you hold the antenna wires…
So are we going to see what the WSL’s commitment to diversity looks like with an all white cast or is Wesley Dantes on his way to Leemore?
I’m going to try and get one of the guys who flies Rhino’s out of NAS Lemoore to “buzz the tower.”
That should make for some good TV, don’t you think?
Please do. Some lovely GE 414 music would certainly make for a better soundtrack than Kelly’s jam sessions (that will no doubt be featured).
I’m on it!
I heard back from My pilot acquaintance. He’s flown over the ranch before and likes the idea of a full afterburner “hello.”
A beautiful anti-depressive spin on the most depressing idea in surfing.
Future scene from the show, Kai Aiden Turdburglar III is looking for romance while out at Tachi!…
https://www.youtube.com/wat…