Fans of #25 WSL surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey explode on Reddit, “I just paid $85 for her ‘private XXX shower video with my nipples showing’. Her nipples are not visible at all!”

Derek Rielly

By

Satisfaction hard to come by at any cost… 

Earlier today, it was revealed that surf fans had become enraged by price gouging on Ellie-Jean Coffey’s new XXX channel, agreeing to the stipulated ten US dollars a month only to find the gate to explicit imagery closed unless an extra forty to eighty dollars is spent.

Now, thanks to a BeachGrit reader who directed us to a reddit thread on the topic, it has emerged that even spending sixty-five or eighty-five dollars doesn’t necessarily grant access to forbidden realms.

A brief sample of comments,

Sooooo is it actually topless? She says “fully tits out” for $65. I am thinking of taking the plunge but if someone can confirm…

Just echoing what everyone else has already said. I regrettably just paid $85 for her “private XXX shower video 🚿with my nipples showing”. Absolute lie. She’s wearing a white shirt and squeezing her tits but her nipples are not visible at all.

Okay, so I subbed to her website. She just send me a $80 video of her masturbating… I think its $80 down the drain, did anyone buy that video and can verify wether its any good??

don’t. her nipples are covered. total bullshit

She sent me a video of uncensored nipples, when I asked if it was nude or implied/covered nude! But the video is 65$, I’m not paying for something that could end up being bs….

What is remarkable, at least to me, is how many men are cavalier with their credit cards, squeezing extraordinary amounts out for the express purpose of a torrid solo moment, dispassionately gripping their weapons and twirling the snout violently against imaginary clit and vulva.

Still, you gotta laugh.

Below, my favourite exchange.

She just sent me a post saying she’s using her vibrator on her pussy, and charging $150 for it. Lmao what the fuck does this girl think she can get away with?!

 kinda curious about that one

An orgasm of the soul.

Disappointed fans claim price gouging as world #25 WSL surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey announces subscriber limit on new XXX channel and ramps up explicit footage: “OMG, I was caught masturbating on video!”

Derek Rielly

By

The old bait and switch.

Surf fans have complained of price gouging on WSL surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey’s new XXX channel, agreeing to the stipulated ten US dollars a month only to find the gate to promised explicit imagery (“Who wants to suck on them (nipples)?”, “Topless doggy style”) closed unless an extra forty to eighty dollars is spent.

“The ones you get for ten dollars are very PG,” writes one disappointed fan.

For instance, to enjoy “Was fingering my pussy, thinking of you” will cost sixty-five dollars.

(A similar instance is available for free on private-shows.net, posted one year ago, one-minute in duration, quarter of a million views. Low-res.)

 

“Taking panties off and nips piercing through shirt” will cost twenty-five dollars.

 

EJ Coffey, who is a former world twenty-five on the WSL’s qualifying series for women, caused much tabloid sorrow last year when she was the subject of a “lewd ambush” by the author of the best-selling biography of prime minister Bob Hawke. 

A terrible episode.

Enjoy the original interview that gave tabloid readers the vapours here.

And, if you’re still considering subscribing to EJ’s channel, be fast.

See notice below.

“Only letting in 100 more subscribers.”

 

Florida surfer-parents get lambasted for smoking “joints as big as cigars” while children learn from home: “You can’t do that!”

Chas Smith

By

Florida teachers not happy.

It is difficult enough to be a surfer-parent, balancing the needs of young children with favorable swell reports, planned boat trips to the Ments with “da crew” etc. and now, with Covid keeping those young children learning at home, sucking up precious bandwidth typically dedicated to gazing at sunbathers on the beach etc. it is downright impossible.

Well, Floridian surfer-parents have discovered a solution.

Smoking “joints as big as cigars” while their young children finish online math tutorials and also drinking heavily.

Floridian teachers, obvious downers, are not happy.

Edith Pride, who teaches at Boca Raton Elementary School told Fox News:

“We need to make sure parents don’t get on the computer to help their children with joints in their hand and cigarettes in their mouth. Sometimes the joints are as big as cigars. You can’t do that! We’ve seen the parents in towels, we’ve seen them in underclothes, we’ve seen them in bras. It’s just inappropriate. The children can see it in the squares.”

Pride brought up her concerns at the school board meeting and other teachers chimed in with stories of 11 am beer drinking, partying and whatnot.

Surfer-parents have never been known for decorum but what are they to do? What solutions can there be?

Elysa Grossman, a Johns Hopkins University professor, and Susan Sonnenschein, at University Maryland Baltimore Campus, conducted a poll earlier this year and discovered that stressed parents are drinking more during the coronavirus pandemic, to say nothing of stressed surfer-parents.

“We found that parents who are stressed by having to help their children with distance learning during the COVID-19 pandemic drink seven more drinks per month than parents who do not report feeling stressed by distance learning. These stressed parents are also twice as likely to report binge drinking at least once over the prior month than parents who are not stressed, according to our results.”

Again, obvious but what’s the fix?

Where’s the solve?

Should local surfer-parents get together and form a collective where the children learn in one room while adults smoke, drink, wander nude etc. in an adjacent room with no connecting door?

What would The Dude do?

Much to ponder.

It shouldn't matter, but Jack Murphy also looks like Montgomery Burns' favorite son. | Photo: EOS

Warshaw on death of Jack “Murph the Surf” Murphy: “He was a stone-cold killer who took a pair of female crime accomplices out for a boat ride, beat them to death, knifed opened their torsos, tied them to concrete blocks, and threw them overboard.”

Matt Warshaw

By

Murphy, it turns out, was very much not the debonair gentleman thief as played by Don Stoud in Live a Little, Steal a Lot.

Jack Murphy, the handsome surfer-playboy jewel thief — that’s what Nora Ephron would have you think, anyway — died last week at age 83, from heart failure.

Murphy was born in LA but belongs to Florida. That’s where he made his mark as a surfer, winning the ’62 Daytona Championships and briefly running Murf’s Surf Shop in Indialantic.

And that’s where he began thieving professionally, as a B&E creeper in Miami Beach, stealing high-end art from rich people’s beach homes and selling the pieces back to their insurance companies.

In 1964, Murphy and two accomplices broke into the American Museum of Natural History in New York and stole the Star of India sapphire, plus a big handful of other precious gems, and “Jewel Heist of the Century” stories ran coast to coast.

Three days later they were caught, and Murphy served 21 months in Rikers.

My resentment against Jack Murphy began with the fact that his perfect “Murf the Surf” nickname sounded too much like “Murphy,” and I don’t want anybody or anything stepping that close to Rick Griffin’s sweet-faced cartoon grom, who represents all of our surfing innocence.

(In 2013 I described Murphy as the Hello Kitty of surf culture, meaning he was sweet, popular and beloved, and I stand by that call.)

What really put me off Jack Murphy, though, was looking deeper into his criminal history while writing Encyclopedia of Surfing in 2000. Murphy, it turns out, was very much not the debonair gentleman thief as played by Don Stoud in Live a Little, Steal a Lot.

He was a stone-cold killer who in 1967 took a pair of female crime accomplices out for a boat ride, beat them to death, knifed opened their torsos, tied them to concrete blocks, and threw them overboard.

The East Coast Surfing Hall of Fame elected Murphy on their first ballot, in 1996, noting his competition wins and his surf shop.

The open-and-shut double-murder conviction somehow went unmentioned.

It shouldn’t matter, but Jack Murphy also looks like Montgomery Burns’ favorite son.

(Like Matt Warshaw’s flavour? This obit comes from his weekly mail-out, sent to all good surfers who cut three bucks a month to subscribe to his bottomless archive of surf history. Join here. And if you want a little more, listen to Matt, along with Tyler and Jamie Breuer on their Sunday Joint podcast here. Fascinating.)

Listen: Longtom and Chas Smith on stalkers, empty political gestures and the conjoining of the Great White shark to modern culture wars: “The Great white shark as an avenging spirit for deeply misanthropic thinking that regards humans as a cancer on the planet.”

Derek Rielly

By

And, what if you hate Bad Grandpa Biden but love Kammy Haz? Where does that leave a man?

On a sleepy morning recently, one man in Lennox Head, another in Cabo San Lucas and the other in Sydney, the important matters of critical race theory, the proliferation of stalkers of surf stars on the Gold Coast, the beatification of the Great White and more were discussed in a roundtable of sorts.

Questions:

Was Tyler Wright’s BLM protest a wonderful thing or was it an empty gesture, a confected outrage?

EJ Coffey and sis have monetised their asses for men that like to jerk their hips. Good or no?

The reason black kids don’t surf in Australia is because of the high cost of coastal real estate. Fact or fiction?

Patagonia says “Vote the assholes out.”

What if you hate Bad Grandpa Biden but love Kammy Haz? Where does that leave a man?

Some very poor audio, as usual.

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
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