Satisfaction hard to come by at any cost… 

Earlier today, it was revealed that surf fans had become enraged by price gouging on Ellie-Jean Coffey’s new XXX channel, agreeing to the stipulated ten US dollars a month only to find the gate to explicit imagery closed unless an extra forty to eighty dollars is spent.

Now, thanks to a BeachGrit reader who directed us to a reddit thread on the topic, it has emerged that even spending sixty-five or eighty-five dollars doesn’t necessarily grant access to forbidden realms.

A brief sample of comments,

Sooooo is it actually topless? She says “fully tits out” for $65. I am thinking of taking the plunge but if someone can confirm…

Just echoing what everyone else has already said. I regrettably just paid $85 for her “private XXX shower video 🚿with my nipples showing”. Absolute lie. She’s wearing a white shirt and squeezing her tits but her nipples are not visible at all.

Okay, so I subbed to her website. She just send me a $80 video of her masturbating… I think its $80 down the drain, did anyone buy that video and can verify wether its any good??

don’t. her nipples are covered. total bullshit

She sent me a video of uncensored nipples, when I asked if it was nude or implied/covered nude! But the video is 65$, I’m not paying for something that could end up being bs….

What is remarkable, at least to me, is how many men are cavalier with their credit cards, squeezing extraordinary amounts out for the express purpose of a torrid solo moment, dispassionately gripping their weapons and twirling the snout violently against imaginary clit and vulva.

Still, you gotta laugh.

Below, my favourite exchange.

She just sent me a post saying she’s using her vibrator on her pussy, and charging $150 for it. Lmao what the fuck does this girl think she can get away with?!

 kinda curious about that one

An orgasm of the soul.

Murphy, it turns out, was very much not the debonair gentleman thief as played by Don Stoud in Live a Little, Steal a Lot.

Jack Murphy, the handsome surfer-playboy jewel thief — that’s what Nora Ephron would have you think, anyway — died last week at age 83, from heart failure.

Murphy was born in LA but belongs to Florida. That’s where he made his mark as a surfer, winning the ’62 Daytona Championships and briefly running Murf’s Surf Shop in Indialantic.

And that’s where he began thieving professionally, as a B&E creeper in Miami Beach, stealing high-end art from rich people’s beach homes and selling the pieces back to their insurance companies.

In 1964, Murphy and two accomplices broke into the American Museum of Natural History in New York and stole the Star of India sapphire, plus a big handful of other precious gems, and “Jewel Heist of the Century” stories ran coast to coast.

Three days later they were caught, and Murphy served 21 months in Rikers.

My resentment against Jack Murphy began with the fact that his perfect “Murf the Surf” nickname sounded too much like “Murphy,” and I don’t want anybody or anything stepping that close to Rick Griffin’s sweet-faced cartoon grom, who represents all of our surfing innocence.

(In 2013 I described Murphy as the Hello Kitty of surf culture, meaning he was sweet, popular and beloved, and I stand by that call.)

What really put me off Jack Murphy, though, was looking deeper into his criminal history while writing Encyclopedia of Surfing in 2000. Murphy, it turns out, was very much not the debonair gentleman thief as played by Don Stoud in Live a Little, Steal a Lot.

He was a stone-cold killer who in 1967 took a pair of female crime accomplices out for a boat ride, beat them to death, knifed opened their torsos, tied them to concrete blocks, and threw them overboard.

The East Coast Surfing Hall of Fame elected Murphy on their first ballot, in 1996, noting his competition wins and his surf shop.

The open-and-shut double-murder conviction somehow went unmentioned.

It shouldn’t matter, but Jack Murphy also looks like Montgomery Burns’ favorite son.

(Like Matt Warshaw’s flavour? This obit comes from his weekly mail-out, sent to all good surfers who cut three bucks a month to subscribe to his bottomless archive of surf history. Join here. And if you want a little more, listen to Matt, along with Tyler and Jamie Breuer on their Sunday Joint podcast here. Fascinating.)