Who we strive to be.
Humans get a very bad rap these days, especially mans and most especially Florida mans. The Sunshine State’s ten million males are known for wanton weirdness, misplaced rage, poor decision making, Jimmy Buffett. An XY blend so seemingly corrupted there is a whole website dedicated to making men, and women, who live in other states feel better about themselves.
Well, as of a few days ago all that may change.
For it was there on Jensen Beach, very near Port St. Lucie, that a Florida man simply named Jeremy was severely bitten by a confused nurse shark. A poor animal so befuddled, so perplexed that it refused to let go for hours.
What did Jeremy do? Bash the creature on the head with a conch shell until its unnecessarily aggressive brain matter filled the Atlantic?
No.
He lovingly cradled the chronrichthye as if it were his own child, likely knowing that he had entered its environment and deserved the whatever manner of dismemberment befell him, while lifeguards and firemen gathered trying to figure out how to dislodge the sharp, extremely painful teeth.
Jeremy continued smiling and joking as a crowd gathered. After much time, shark still affixed to arm, the lifeguards and firemen gave up and transferred him to a local hospital where the shark was removed and thrown into a medical waste bag.
“You’re a hero!” one man on the beach shouted as he was wheeled away.
A hero indeed, displaying the very best of humanity. Showing what makes us very cool and sharks beautiful but completely un-evolved.
The Florida Man I strive to be.
This guy at Sea World told me that sharks are stewards of the Ocean. They take care of the physically deranged, and dying/sick. Leave it to cowards to make sharks into a bad thing.
Sharks, getting rid of Ocean weaklings since 1billion B.C.
Forget , Cloud Nine and Cloudbreak , head direct to Cloud Forest and get the Silver Back online ….
H lovingly cuddled it while it died in the open air – beautiful!!!
The guy is on to something…as a late teenager I shamelessly cuddled and caressed my cute puppy
It was a great way to pick up chicks
If a nurse shark draws a little blood from the arm, imagine what a humpback whale injury would entail.
That cute little shark
Remind anybody else
Of an ex girlfriend?
What would Pottz do? Now that’s a real hero. Strider also a hero, a hero with teets.
Why do birds fly upside down over Florida?
There’s nothing worth shitting on.
oh nasty!
maybe the shark is sexually confused
Possibly a bit of armless teenage experimentation ….
It’s really hard to get bit by a nurse shark. I suspect sexual foul play- it is Florida after all. He probably pounded a 30 pack of Busch light, puffed on his favorite brand of gas station bath salts and went lookin’ for lovin’. Yeehaw
zoophile
noun: zoophile; plural noun: zoophiles
a person who is sexually attracted to animals.
Then what is the term for a shark sexually attracted to men from Florida …. A Flo Rider ?
I’m trying!
Tiger took a nibble on someone’s leg at my block last Saturday. Very rare to happen.
What block? Are we neighbors?
I’m down south, though–you’re up at Myrtle, right?
Here’s some next level journalistic tryin’ in regards to the elusive Florida man
https://youtu.be/ZBqY-4oDWAQ
Rip Curl put out a comedy classic …. Postcards from Morgs and , now , just a week later, Salty Crew put this one out with CJ , Damo and Kelly
Absolutely Brilliant .
Here’s the story that combines both your and Derek’s interests. Can’t believe you didn’t get the scoop.
https://www.theguardian.com…