GOAT v GOAT.
I won’t give too much away, here, preferring that you examine the video below, but it’s moments like these that remind the viewer that Kelly Slater, so often beset by insecurity and sudden explosions of combativeness online, can be, well, you just gotta watch.
The little video includes these lines,
“He puts on this Muay Thai shit and runs around Burleigh acting all tough guy.”
“If he was here I’d fucking smash his face for sure, I’d show him what a jab is.”
John Wayne Parr is a boxer and kickboxer who lived in a Muay Thai camp in Thailand for four years and who won ten world titles in that game and who, last December, ended the career of decorated Australian boxer Anthony Mundine in ten rounds.
Fight fans know him as The Gunslinger.
Watch Kelly and his trainer buddy Jake Illey, who has the loveliest physique I think I’ve ever seen, tee off here.
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OMG lucky you are clownin Goat cos JWP would turn you into Goat meat! Haha
Kelly is to surfing what the year 2020 has been to humanity.
With a bit of luck MR Wayne Parr couldn`t handle watching this IG post until the punchline, walked through (kicked down) his frontdoor, jumped in his monster ute, and booked a ticket to Bali.
BREAKING: Kelly Slater Signs Three Fight Deal with KVF All Bark No Bite Promotions!
Kelly Slater, the GOAT of surfing, signs a promotional deal with mega-star mediocre fight promoter, Karl Von Fanningstadt’s company to put on three publicity fights, whereby Kelly will surely get his ass beat.
In addition to the promised untold levels of fame to be gained from his involvement, KVF will provide Kelly with best in class services of excuse making and exploiting hero worship, sitting back and waiting for others to defend the client. As he has pointed out, it will be up to Kelly to make things work and fulfill the partnership’s potential.
“Kelly’s insecurities and desperate need for attention/validation will be instrumental to our success,” he said.
The three fight slate features two warm up matches, the first November 7 at MGM, where he will fight Paul Roach, the Boogie Beater. The second match will be in February somewhere in China, the ancestral homeland of Kelly’s girlfriend, where he is scheduled to fight Sasha “Cody from Step by Step” Mitchell. Then finally, on Cinco de Mayo weekend, Mr. Slater will take on John Wayne Parr, who might actually end up murdering the GOAT, at Surf Ranch.
Sure to be fun.
Christ that was some top-drawer acting – best I’ve seen since Baywatch.
I might actually pony up for the PPV of Kelly trying to fight that guy
“He’s got like a psychosis or something.” We call this projection, right?
Are we sure he wasn’t being a wee bit sarcastic?
I haven’t watched the vid and can’t be arsed to.
I watched….but I think they are just buzzed. Or are talking about completely different people.
Less and less about the surfing’, more and more about the bullshit
Beachgrit or Kelly?
Kelly has never been about surfing… He’s about Kelly.
Bobs such a fucken retard.
Huffn it up on Bali, goaty boi ?
You show him Kelly. The momentum is on your side.
https://youtu.be/zmutIZEuzQo
“Don’t hit hard “ says the GOAT who has stomped the absolute shit out of every NSSA ,ASP/WSL competitor who has crossed his path since 1985 …..
“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others”
The sentence is a comment on the hypocrisy of governments that proclaim the absolute equality of their citizens but give power and privileges to a small elite….. possibly relevant to the current situation in let’s say …. Bali ?
I’m not too sure but at about the 30 second mark they could be those jabs he wanted to show…or was he trying to wipe a bit of spag bol off his buddies cheek…its hard to tell
Lucky he grew up in a bubble
the best part is that the reachy bloke is a body boarder, thanks for posting the vid, its one of my favourite video parts of all time
Smelly copping a serve or Kelly Surfing …. or both ?
both, but I was also a huge fan of that track too so I guess its a threeway. for 80 bucks I can send you some pictures
Let’s make it $ 85 …. what’s good for Coffey is good for Kerr , ensuring that employees in the same job and location are paid fairly relative to one another, regardless of their gender or ethnicity..
and I always thought aiming equality of opportunity was a good thing but creating equality of outcome was lunacy, for that extra 5 I will shave me plums.
It’s either that or a bar …. of Sex Wax .
BR (all Cali punk of the era, except Sprung Monkey) + 90’s surfing like wine and cheese.
like occy and concrete blonde
Paul Roach- had helluva drop knee turn
Like Ashton and Chas. Still hoping for a rematch on that one. Winner gets all you can eat PanAsian chicken salads for a year.
Correct me if I am wrong, but was that not a bodyboarder, one of the best drop-knee riders at that time, who dealing on him? Don’t want to say the name in case I’m wrong and mixed up on this…
Yep it was Paul Roach. Sick Drop Knee booogie boarder. All my boog mates at the time were ever so happy to rub it in that the golden child of surfing got clipped by a lid. Gave em aloyt of confidence that little section.
Haaaa ‘i thought we were boxing’
Fuck I used to lose my mind over the Slater sections in those momentum vids growing up.
Character revealing
He may have a lovely physique, but his accent is pretty suss.
Was bit of Yank in there?
Sounded like a classic expat bali accent. A weird melange of the Gold Coast, Southern California and stockholm.
Was weird.
#goatbait
Raise your hand if you have ever in your life mentioned that a dude has the loveliest physique you have ever seen.
Not that there’s anything wrong with it.
I’ve thought it
But only in the mirror
It’s what I say about you too Bex, as I stare in your windows.
For some reason DeNiro in Cape Fear comes to mind .
If you could take your tissues with you when ur done that’d be great
Don’t forget the Windex Bex
Tissues are for kooks.
Your Agapanthus’ never had it so good.
Ah Regina Bex Vidina
Gather ye Rose-buds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to day,
To morrow will be dying…..
I’d like to meet your peer group.
The peer group brushed their teeth , I read them a story and then they went off to sleep happily …..
I met Brad Pitt many years ago and I was stunned by his beauty.
Then again, I met Kate Moss during the same timeframe and the thought of kidnapping her did cross my mind.
Bipartisanship of Dreams …..was going to use ship of fools but , JH , you appear to be anything but .
Well everyone knows how pretty brad is but a slippery pole gathers no moss
There’s Coffey…and there’s champagne
I once worked at a function that Cronulla’s favourite daughter, Elle Macpherson attended. She managed to be the girl next door and other worldly simultaneously. Luminous.
I can’t hear a bad word spoken about her, as my senses go a bit wonky and all the focus goes to the optics.
Same place I met Brad Pitt was the same place I met her. STUNNING is the word to describe her.
Up close he’s got a face like a sack of chisels. They put makeup on with a trowel to hide all the acne scars.
Very much so but that doesn’t take away from his beauty.
Have had kidnapping thoughts lately..don’t have a white van but could acquire. A mate believes with the virus there are more opportunities for kidnappings and serial killers, less attention etc. Very exciting!
Coming from Gay Sydney , most of the loveliest physique types are waxed , back sack and crack , and appear on floats at Marci Gras and have never tried to covet any of the women I love ,loved or lusted after ….god love em .
Bex also lives in Sydney and, as above, asserts he has a lovely physique. BG should definitely have a float at next Mardi Gras.
Not drowning waving … I could zoom in my old bald pate from Kiel to cheer you all on … I , I will survive