"Shhhhh... I'm not allowed to do anything but if I pinch your nose, you'll die faster."
"Shhhhh... I'm not allowed to do anything but if I pinch your nose, you'll die faster."

New South Wales residents infuriated as lifeguards cancel mouth-to-mouth resuscitation: “(It) would haunt you forever if you knew you could save someone but were told not to!”

Peak Covid absurdity?

Australia is rounding the bend toward its first full Covid summer, heat, crowds on the beach, etc. A break from routine, surfing, swimming, remembering that it is possible to enjoy life again. Or possible as long as a lung-full of water is taken in New South Wales and a lifeguard is present.

Typically, a lifeguard would be a welcome addition to any post-near drowning resuscitation scene but not this year for this year mouth-to-mouth has been canceled and the lifeguard must idly stand by and watch vitality slowly drain away from the victim until the only thing left is a cold, grey corpse.

In a Saturday announcement, Surf Life Saving NSW Chief Executive Steve Pearce said, “We’ll no longer be doing mouth to mouth resuscitation, we’ll still be doing CPR.” NSW Emergency Services Minister David Elliott added, “Of course there are going to be changes to the interaction that the Surf Life Savers have with beachgoers and that will see a change to the way that they conduct mouth to mouth. I don’t believe that anybody’s life will be at risk but it shouldn’t be a reason for people to be complacent.”

The cancellation of mouth-to-mouth has angered many with people sharing frustrations on social media.

“If someone is pulled from the water and mouth to mouth could save them (young child etc) I would be doing the mouth to mouth to save a life, that would haunt you forever if you knew you could save someone but were told not to.”

“I think if I was dying I’d rather catch (COVID-19) off the person who just breathed for me until I can do it on my own.”

“There’s something wrong about this. If it can save a life, isn’t that good?”


Also not mentioned, but equally serious, is how many couplings will be thwarted by handsome/beautiful lifeguards not allowed to breathe life into handsome/beautiful victims.

But have we reached peak absurdity with the Coronavirus pandemic yet? If someone is literally and actually dying in front of a lifeguard they will not be allowed to save them due to an extremely low-percentage theoretical death?

Or do we have a ways to go before peak absurdity?

More as the story develops.

Frame grab from video showing deputies arresting Reinhold.
Frame grab from video showing deputies arresting Reinhold.

Home of surfboard industry, San Clemente, rocked by protests as unarmed homeless Black man shot and killed after being stopped for jaywalking by two Orange County sheriff’s deputies.


And there just seems to be no break from the unrelenting bad news as it relates to race relations in the United States of America. On Wednesday, San Clemente, California, home of the surfboard industry, entered the ugly fray when two Orange County sheriff’s deputies shot and killed an unarmed homeless Black man after stopping him for jaywalking.

Per The Orange County Register:

1:15 p.m. Wednesday, two deputies with a homeless outreach team encountered Kurt Andras Reinhold, 42, near the Hotel Miramar, off of South El Camino Real.

It is unclear what prompted it, but a ground fight broke out, the Sheriff’s Department said shortly after the shooting.

The department said Reinhold – whose last known address was in Los Angeles County – reached for a deputy’s gun before he was shot. Two gunshots were fired by one deputy during the incident.

Shortly after Reinhold was shot, deputies began lifesaving measures but they were unsuccessful.

I have no doubt that policing is more difficult, more potentially dangerous, than ever but the “victim-was-reaching-for officer’s-gun” excuse is, let’s be honest, ridiculously overused, generally unprovable even with “photo evidence” and at this point beggars belief.

A demonstration rocked typically quite San Clemente the next day, beginning at the former site of the Pipes Cafe and organized by former City Council candidate Jackson Hinkle.

Hinkle told the Register he believes the San Clemente shooting was related to the Sheriff’s Department and other law-enforcement personnel trying to step up jaywalking enforcement, adding, “Instead of giving him food and support, they gave him two bullets. Instead of letting him walk away, they body slammed him to the ground and pinned him. I want justice. I want those officers arrested.”

Sheriff Don Barnes asked the public to reserve judgement until an investigation has taken place which seems particularly unlikely as Reinhold’s death occurred directly on the heels of a decision in Kentucky not to prosecute officers there over the shooting death of Breonna Taylor. Justice, for many, seeming an un-reachable fantasy.

Whatever one’s beliefs on Black Lives Matter etc., the loss of Reinhold is tragic in every way.

Every single damned way.

Listen: “Well, you got trouble, my friends, right here in surf city. Trouble with a capital ‘T’ and that rhymes with ‘P’ and that stands for porn!”

A musical on the horizon?

But what a coup those Sisters Coffey just pulled right smack in the middle of a Coronavirus pandemic. Grabbing more eyeballs, more headlines, more clicks, clacks, conversation in one week than the World Surf League has since a nice man from Wuhan, China ate a bat in December, 2019.

A deluge.

Much of the news has been how “loaded suggestions” are not being delivered and as I sat on a deck on the Baja peninsula, overlooking an empty point, chatting with David Lee Scales about the week’s surf news which was, again, exclusively Coffey, had a revelation.

What if they are modern day flim-flam gals? Snake oil saleswomen? Out looking for those suckers born every minute but in a real old-school way? Rolling in to town promising the peach and skedaddling with purses full of jingly dimes fully clothed?

Oh my, I see a grand musical theater production with a cast of ripped-off surfers, angry librarians, a frustrated Erik Logan with pockets turned inside out and a big frown on his face. Probably wearing suspenders.

Derek Rielly also in a starring role.

Karl Von Fanningstad can write the lyrics and… who wants to do set design? Oh I’m getting ahead of myself here.

But do you see it?

Feel it?

Listen here.

Or watch.

"He puts on this Muay Thai shit and runs around Burleigh acting all tough guy."

Gauntlet thrown: Kelly Slater tells IG fans that if ten-time world kickboxing champ John Wayne Parr came to Bali, “I would f**king smash his face, I would show him what a jab is…”


I won’t give too much away, here, preferring that you examine the video below, but it’s moments like these that remind the viewer that Kelly Slater, so often beset by insecurity and sudden explosions of combativeness online, can be, well, you just gotta watch.

The little video includes these lines,

“He puts on this Muay Thai shit and runs around Burleigh acting all tough guy.”

“If he was here I’d fucking smash his face for sure, I’d show him what a jab is.”

John Wayne Parr is a boxer and kickboxer who lived in a Muay Thai camp in Thailand for four years and who won ten world titles in that game and who, last December, ended the career of decorated Australian boxer Anthony Mundine in ten rounds. 

Fight fans know him as The Gunslinger.

Watch Kelly and his trainer buddy Jake Illey, who has the loveliest physique I think I’ve ever seen, tee off here.







"Yeah, twenty apiece. It's really happening!"

Surfing’s I-am-woman-hear-me-roar moment: WSL surf star Ellie Jean Coffey describes pivot to XXX-rated subscriber service as “liberating” and says “it empowers me to motivate other women to not limit themselves in fear of others’ opinions.”

"(I've) helped thousands increase their confidence and feel more positive about themselves.”

Two weeks ago, and as reported here, the former world number twenty-five surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey pulled back the velvet curtain on a ten-dollars-a-month subscriber website that promised “uncensored content, private chat and more.”

Some fans were disappointed when the ten dollars a month (US) only cracked the door to a banner asking for much larger sums, $65, $85 for the holy grail of “fingering pussy”, “taking panties off” and so on.

A reddit thread on the topic revealed a community of disappointed men.

One wrote, “She just sent me a post saying she’s using her vibrator on her pussy, and charging $150 for it. Lmao what the fuck does this girl think she can get away with?!” 

Yesterday, EJ Coffey revealed the surprising motivation behind the site, a desire to liberate and empower, telling Rupert Murdoch’s news.com.au. 

“It’s also liberating knowing I’m strong enough to face the adversity and do what I want to do and express myself openly.”

“I couldn’t imagine in my wildest dreams how well the website has gone, honestly. Personally, for me as a young woman, I have enjoyed every minute of it. Also, the new friends who have been created and the relationships that I have built have been amazing.”

“While I’m not going to share how much money I have been making, I will say it’s by far the most successful opportunity I have taken. But most importantly, it empowers me to motivate other women to not limit themselves in fear of others opinions.”

“It makes me happy interacting with my followers on a daily basis, and building up these relationships. I’ve learnt so much about my fans, and helped thousands increase their confidence and feel more positive about themselves.”

Earlier today, EJ Coffey promised the most forbidden of treats, her eighteen-year-old sister Bonnie “spanking my (peach emoji) hard” an intersectional jackpot.

I am woman hear me roar.