Listen: “Well, you got trouble, my friends, right here in surf city. Trouble with a capital ‘T’ and that rhymes with ‘P’ and that stands for porn!”

A musical on the horizon?

But what a coup those Sisters Coffey just pulled right smack in the middle of a Coronavirus pandemic. Grabbing more eyeballs, more headlines, more clicks, clacks, conversation in one week than the World Surf League has since a nice man from Wuhan, China ate a bat in December, 2019.

A deluge.

Much of the news has been how “loaded suggestions” are not being delivered and as I sat on a deck on the Baja peninsula, overlooking an empty point, chatting with David Lee Scales about the week’s surf news which was, again, exclusively Coffey, had a revelation.

What if they are modern day flim-flam gals? Snake oil saleswomen? Out looking for those suckers born every minute but in a real old-school way? Rolling in to town promising the peach and skedaddling with purses full of jingly dimes fully clothed?

Oh my, I see a grand musical theater production with a cast of ripped-off surfers, angry librarians, a frustrated Erik Logan with pockets turned inside out and a big frown on his face. Probably wearing suspenders.

Derek Rielly also in a starring role.

Karl Von Fanningstad can write the lyrics and… who wants to do set design? Oh I’m getting ahead of myself here.

But do you see it?

Feel it?

Listen here.

Or watch.


"He puts on this Muay Thai shit and runs around Burleigh acting all tough guy."

Gauntlet thrown: Kelly Slater tells IG fans that if ten-time world kickboxing champ John Wayne Parr came to Bali, “I would f**king smash his face, I would show him what a jab is…”

GOAT v GOAT.

I won’t give too much away, here, preferring that you examine the video below, but it’s moments like these that remind the viewer that Kelly Slater, so often beset by insecurity and sudden explosions of combativeness online, can be, well, you just gotta watch.

The little video includes these lines,

“He puts on this Muay Thai shit and runs around Burleigh acting all tough guy.”

“If he was here I’d fucking smash his face for sure, I’d show him what a jab is.”

John Wayne Parr is a boxer and kickboxer who lived in a Muay Thai camp in Thailand for four years and who won ten world titles in that game and who, last December, ended the career of decorated Australian boxer Anthony Mundine in ten rounds. 

Fight fans know him as The Gunslinger.

Watch Kelly and his trainer buddy Jake Illey, who has the loveliest physique I think I’ve ever seen, tee off here.

 

 

 

 

 


Surfing’s I-am-woman-hear-me-roar moment: WSL surf star Ellie Jean Coffey describes pivot to XXX-rated subscriber service as “liberating” and says “it empowers me to motivate other women to not limit themselves in fear of others’ opinions.”

"(I've) helped thousands increase their confidence and feel more positive about themselves.”

Two weeks ago, and as reported here, the former world number twenty-five surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey pulled back the velvet curtain on a ten-dollars-a-month subscriber website that promised “uncensored content, private chat and more.”

Some fans were disappointed when the ten dollars a month (US) only cracked the door to a banner asking for much larger sums, $65, $85 for the holy grail of “fingering pussy”, “taking panties off” and so on.

A reddit thread on the topic revealed a community of disappointed men.

One wrote, “She just sent me a post saying she’s using her vibrator on her pussy, and charging $150 for it. Lmao what the fuck does this girl think she can get away with?!” 

Yesterday, EJ Coffey revealed the surprising motivation behind the site, a desire to liberate and empower, telling Rupert Murdoch’s news.com.au. 

“It’s also liberating knowing I’m strong enough to face the adversity and do what I want to do and express myself openly.”

“I couldn’t imagine in my wildest dreams how well the website has gone, honestly. Personally, for me as a young woman, I have enjoyed every minute of it. Also, the new friends who have been created and the relationships that I have built have been amazing.”

“While I’m not going to share how much money I have been making, I will say it’s by far the most successful opportunity I have taken. But most importantly, it empowers me to motivate other women to not limit themselves in fear of others opinions.”

“It makes me happy interacting with my followers on a daily basis, and building up these relationships. I’ve learnt so much about my fans, and helped thousands increase their confidence and feel more positive about themselves.”

Earlier today, EJ Coffey promised the most forbidden of treats, her eighteen-year-old sister Bonnie “spanking my (peach emoji) hard” an intersectional jackpot.

I am woman hear me roar. 

 


Pro-Arab surf journalist receives lambskin glove slap across face from pro-Zionist surfer; Delivers rebuttal on behalf of “Silly people. Greedy, barbarous and cruel!”

A few questions.

And what a world we live in where a reality television star is President of the United States, a surfboard shaper is the most powerful political force in Australia and an anti-depressive surf website is the place where people come to calmly solve the long-ish simmering feud between Arab and Jew as it relates to the beautiful country of Israel.

Absolutely fantastic.

Those who spend time here, often, will know that principal Derek Rielly is completely pro-Zionist, having been won over on a trip to Tel Aviv with professional surfer Ozzie Wright. I, also a principal, am decidedly pro-Arab having studied in Egypt and spending much of the last two decades traipsing through Syria, Lebanon, Yemen, Palestine, etc. (Buy here).

We are, the two of us, an international version of Mary Matalin and James Carville. Happily married with extremely opposing views.

Now, yesterday, a wonderful podcast listener (anyone who listens to us ramble is a saint) who happens to live in Israel and also describes himself as Zionist-leaning wrote a thoughtful response to a comment I made referencing apartheid in a conversation about the Holy Land.

It’s very worth an entire read (here) but the bulk of the argument rested on a genetic tie Jewish people have to the land and criticism that I was “trying to force western concepts on this situation” that was “historically inaccurate and not very constructive.”

I would like to ask a few questions.

First, what allowed for the conquest of Israel in 1948? Was it that genetic tie or the same guns, gold, banking and technological advantage that had propelled all European colonial powers to conquest and displacement of local rulers for the previous three centuries?

Second, is it really so wise to stake a claim on land that belonged to someone else, forcibly evicted on your very behalf less than 75-years ago, on a genetic continuity between Polish Jews and Yemeni Jews?

Does my Germanic heritage and connection to that land allow me to go kick some Turks out of Berlin and reclaim my birthright?

An extremely slippery slope.

I am not anti-Israel, not at all, and have thoroughly enjoyed my time in the bravest little nation on earth, even once partaking in a Shabbat dinner with settlers in the illegally occupied West Bank, but genetic arguments as it relates to the conflict is a decidedly western concept.

Can it not be called what it is? An exclusive club with membership and participation ruthlessly and brutally enforced?

Also have you watched Lawrence of Arabia?

It is the greatest movie ever made.


Swinging Moz, left, and the world champ turned coach and commentator, Barton Lynch, who holds one of Maurice's creations. | Photo: WSL

Vote: Firebrand surf shaper Maurice Cole enters Australia’s political fray, runs for Surf Coast Shire Council on explosive anti-World Surf League platform!

End WSL tyranny!

Maurice Cole is one of the grandest of all surfing personalities. Talented, brash, handsome, unafraid especially when the sissification of surfing is in full swing. A rare combination and I truly fell in love when he barked, “Chas, you are a complete and total fuckwit whose opinion is based on other fuckwit’s stories.”

Extremely to the point and true and if I lived in Torquay, Australia or Jan Juc or even Gnarwarre I would beg to be his campaign manager.

Yes, it is true. Maurice Cole is running for public office on a grand, explosive anti-WSL platform.

According to the Brisbane Times, there exists, in Torquay, a plan for a permanent viewing platform at Bells Beach to be used chiefly by the World Surf League for viewing and filming the once-annual Rip Curl Pro.

Mr. Cole ain’t having it and has cobbled together a coalition of independent like-minded candidates in order to put a stop to the whole nonsense.

“We are already seeing the most overcrowded car parks and surf we’ve ever seen,” Mr Cole declared and also, that surfers and residents were angry about the proposal and believed there should only be temporary infrastructure installed for the annual Rip Curl Pro surfing contest along with accusing the council of attempting to appease the World Surfing League by agreeing to build the platform at the community’s expense.

Appeasing the World Surf League would be foolish as the enterprise is in full retreat and should be chased to Santa Monica then broken on the Third Street Promenade while buskers sing songs of it’s demise.

If you live in the Surf Shire, which includes…

Aireys Inlet, Anglesea, Bambra, Barrabool, Bellbrae, Bells Beach, Benwerrin, Big Hill, Birregurra (shared with Colac Otway), Boonah, Breamlea (shared with Greater Geelong), Buckley, Connewarre (shared with Greater Geelong), Deans Marsh, Eastern View, Fairhaven, Freshwater Creek, Gherang, Gnarwarre, Inverleigh (shared with Golden Plains), Jan Juc, Lorne, Modewarre, Moggs Creek, Moriac, Mount Duneed (shared with Greater Geelong), Mount Moriac, Ombersley (shared with Colac Otway), Paraparap, Pennyroyal (shared with Colac Otway), Torquay, Wensleydale, Winchelsea (shared with Colac Otway), Winchelsea South and Wurdiboluc.

…then I plead with you. Vote Cole and end WSL tyranny!