United Airlines sued for crewing planes entirely with young, tan, blonde, “surfer-like” attendants: “Airline bases value of workers entirely on racial and physical attributes and stereotypical notions of sexual allure!”

The unfriendly skies.

Let’s be quite frank in admitting the world has absolutely gone to hell in a hand basket. Just one year ago, this would have been deemed ecologically friendly, as hand baskets are reusable and save the earth.

Today, though, it’s all just a gargantuan flaming mess. A raging inferno where single-use plastic bags and thoughtful hemp carryalls with reinforced handles get smelt in the same vat.

Take, for example, the just-released lawsuit against United Airlines which claims that surf-esque adonises and adonias, mostly adonias, are being given the most plum jobs in the steward/stewardess biz.

National Football League charter flights.

“Young, tan, blonde…” Like they’ve just spent their morning hours “paddling around the Trestles, picking the waves of the day, making many combination turns.”

Like Laura Enever.

The two attendants who are suing are not young, blonde or surfer-like in the traditional ugly Beach Boys/surf magazine/un-woke/California/Australia stereotype. Both have been in their jobs for many decades and declare that, “United has adopted and continues to implement procedures that are designed to ensure that young, white, blond/blue-eyed, female employees receive positions with the charter program, while more senior, and Black and Jewish employees such as plaintiffs, do not.” And that the airline bases the value of workers, “entirely on their racial and physical attributes, and stereotypical notions of sexual allure.”

The NFL charter flight gigs are, apparently, desirable because attendants who work those flights earn more, are provided with premium accommodations and sometimes get tickets to games, including playoff and Super Bowl tickets.

United Airlines, though not detailing specifics, released the following statement:

“While we cannot comment on this ongoing litigation, the flight attendants included in our sports team charter program are largely representative of our overall flight attendant population in regards to age and race. Importantly, flight attendant eligibility to work a charter flight is based solely on performance and attendance and has nothing to do with age, race or gender.”

And I wonder, if the World Surf League was an actual league, like the National Football League, and chartered flights, etc. which airline it would use?

I think maybe Spirit. Possibly Allegiant. And I think there would be no attendants at all save CEO Erik Logan who would entertain the cabin with stories about things he heard Laird Hamilton did.

Very exciting.

Follow along with the lawsuit here. Guillory v. United Airlines, Inc, 20-civ-03889, in Superior Court of California, County of San Mateo.