Comment Live: Professional Surfing is back-esque with the Tweed Coast Pro!

It's go-ish time.

It has been many months since professional surfing in the ocean. Today, we have the Tweed Coast Pro which counts for neither World Qualifying Series points nor World Championship Tour points and cannot truly be considered professional surfing at all in the traditional sense of the phrase though is far, far, far better than any Stumble at a Ranch.

These visceral accidents, as I write this, are no longer a part of professional surfing, as under governments worldwide it was decided to protect the lungs of the surfers with a sort of social distancing designed in the terms of the decree “to avoid those horrible sights which so disgust foreigners and tourists.”

These protectors avoid these sights and greatly decrease the number of professional surfers with grave breathing problems, but they in no way decrease the pain suffered by the surf fan; they take away much of the bravery from the professional surer, this to be dealt with in a later post, and they are the first step toward the suppression of the professional surfing altogether.

The professional surf contest is an Australian institution; it has not existed because of the foreigners and tourists, but always in spite of them and any step to modify it to secure their approval, which it will never have, is a step towards its complete suppression.

Watch here and discuss.

Un-Spicoli: New York teenager arrested for “repeatedly going to school,” becomes champion of “anti-surf” establishment!

Skool is kool.

The anti-surf establishment, infuriated since their Mr. Hand was made to look very foolish by student/surfer Jeff Spicoli at Ridgemont High School in 1982, has finally found its champion on Long Island, very near Montauk.

You’ll certainly recall the scene wherein Spicoli entered Mr. Hand’s U.S. History class late after likely smoking marijuana in a van and proceeded to call him a “dick” to his face.

An aggressive insult, showing clear disregard for authority and education, that has not been avenged until this day.

For this day, or maybe yesterday, Maverick Stow marched into his William Floyd High School and was arrested for “repeatedly going to school on online days.”

The school released the following statement:

“Mr. Stow continues to display irresponsible and selfish behavior with today’s latest publicity stunt. He arrived wearing a neon green shirt — for high visibility — with a contingent of media just outside the fence line trying to capture him getting arrested as he entered the building.”

Young Mr. Stow countered with:

“I feel strongly that kids should be able to go to school five days a week. I hope that me facing the consequences for my actions are going to lead to potentially change in the schooling system and a 100% in-person learning solution.”

Young Mr. Stow’s mom, Nora Kaplan-Stow, added:

“Kids need to be in school every day. Virtual learning is not learning. My son is being suspended because he wants to be in school.”

Many questions.

Will the anti-surf establishment send young Maverick Stow on a high school speaking tour around these United States to counteract Jeff Spicoli’s damaging messaging that school isn’t cool?

Will his mom be joining him?

Do you think young Maverick Stow is named after:

a) Tom Cruise’s Top Gun character
b) The late U.S. Senator John McCain
c) James Garner
d) The city of Dallas, Texas’s NBA franchise
e) Other

Much to ponder.

Eighteen-foot Great White “mega shark” in feeding frenzy forces closure of iconic Australian Point and surrounding beaches!

The season of the White.

Ain’t nothing like the putrified carcass of a whale to fire the taste buds of a full-sized Great White, a meal more substantial than the surfers juvies have been hitting with abandon these past three months, the latest two days ago. 

RIP, Rob Pedretti, Mani Hart-Deville, Nick Slater. 

After a dead humpback whale was washed up at Waniora Point, Bulli, the Illawarra Council closed beaches at Bulli, Thirroul, Woonona and iconic Sandon Point, the closest Sydney surfers have to something approximating a Gold Coast point. It ain’t Snapper, but it’s something.

Crowds of spectators lined the grassy Sandon Point headland to enjoy the spectacle, some, with boats, enjoying a closer examination of the action. 

The whale carcass is expected to be towed out to sea today. 

Meanwhile, surfers who saw Thursday’s attack at the Superbank have spoken of a relentless “thirty-to-forty-five second” hit and of the Great White charging another surfer.

Never thought it’d come to this, but might be time to invest in one of Dr Jon Cohen’s Shark Bite First Aid Slam Kits. 

Could be the best hundred-twenty y’ever spent.

Kelly Slater and Betet Merta, Padang, September, 2020. | Photo: WSL/Junior Garcia

Kelly Slater opens Instagram front against fan critical of his Bali vacay during COVID pandemic: “Please tell me about the spread I’ve caused. Keep drinking the Kool-Aid…”

"Got anything else to whine about?"

Instagram, as if it needs to be said, is the devil that never sleeps, a wicked goblin that awaits the misspoken word or misstep that will awaken its legion of offence seeking trolls.

Kelly Slater, eleven times a world champion and a man of almost immeasurable wealth, has made a point, in recent times, of going after all those he feels may’ve wronged or misrespresented he.


Kelly Slater hits back at historically inaccurate troll on Instagram: “I don’t give a shit…you’re on glue. You’re a miserable coward…Accusing me of being a racist? My girlfriend is Chinese… Fuck off.”


World surfing champion Kelly Slater opines on noted LA shaper-artist, “Must be great to be in your mid-late 60’s, on drugs, sexually confused and dying for any kind of attention.”

Today, we find Kelly defending his decision to vacay in Bali, a holiday that has already yielded a double-tube ride with Betet Merta and a backside carving 360 at Padang as well as a lovely head-high session at Uluwatu.

@deathsalt, 924 followers, writes,

@kellyslater how many countries have you travelled to whilst covid is going on?

Kelly replies, Technically one. I was in Australia when it happened then went home and am now on my first trip abroad. Got anything else to whine about?

And, then, the expected, but no less effective, coup de grâce,

Well, let’s see… I was already somewhere by default. Then I went home which everyone was requested to do. Then anyone who can pay for a visa can go to indo. I’ve had 4 tests done in that time all negative. Please tell me about the spread I’ve caused. Keep drinking the kool aid though.

The Kool-Aid reference, for those who missed the Jonestown massacre in 1978, refers to the poisoned Kool-Aid (actually Flavor Aid, a cheaper copy) followers of Jim Jones’ apocalyptic cult willingly, and unwillingly, drank as part of their “revolutionary suicide”.

Nine hundred dead, three hundred of ’em kids, too.

To drink the Kool-Aid means blind obedience.

Which, I think, gives this story its meat, so to speak.

Does Kelly think that COVID worriers, which @deathsalt appears to be, have been hoodwinked by their governments?

A conspiracy etc?

As for getting into Indo, it ain’t no secret.

Cough up the cash and you’re in for two months.

(Read that here.)

Photo by Steve Sherman. An absolute icon and saint of surf photography.
Photo by Steve Sherman. An absolute icon and saint of surf photography.

Listen: “Who would actually win a professional surfing world title between peak emotional, physical, mental Andy Irons vs. peak Kelly Slater?”

We solve this, we solve everything.

Pandemic still with us, wrecking, reeking, wreaking havoc. The western United States is burning entirely to the ground. Sharks are eating people where they have never eaten people before. World economies are teetering, China has become increasingly belligerent as its military modernizes, heretofore unknown space airplanes are delivering things into orbit that we know nothing about and Jeff Bezos is looking more and more like an alien who could very well live forever.

But, real talk here. Who would win a professional surfing world title between peak emotional, physical, mental Andy Irons vs. peak emotional, physical mental Kelly Slater?

I ask because Kelly Slater recently appeared on Tim Ferriss’s podcast and spoke about not being at his “best” during those years where he lost to Andy.

Stacking three Ss onto the end of your name (when the possessive is applied) is a real work, though I had never heard of Tim Ferriss before today’s wonderful chat with David Lee Scales.

David Lee, named after David Lee Roth, listened to Ferriss’s podcast and said he re-fell in love with Kelly Slater plus took Kelly’s excuses for failure as legitimate.

I’m still dubious.

But let’s be honest. All things equal, who wins between Andy and Kelly?

If we can solve this riddle we will be able to solve global warming.

David Lee and I discuss in depth and also many other things including World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s embarrassing failures and how he should apologize publicly to Justine Dupont for making dumb economic decisions and pretending they are legitimate and also everyone else who has ever touched a surfboard.

Shame on Erik Logan.

Listen here.