Awe-inspiring.
I have been a surf journalist for the better part of my working life, now, and have conducted many interviews but none so thorough, so exhaustive, as the one just conducted by Financial Review (officially Australian Financial Review).
The business and finance magazine, founded in 1950 and publishing six days a week, sat down across from Nick Garnham, a Victoria-based director of a furniture company, yesterday, and asked every single surf question possible, including:
How long have you been surfing and how did you get into it?
Goofy footer or natural?
How often do you surf and where?
What are the biggest waves you will tackle?
Do you surf in all temperatures?
What are your favourite surfing spots in Australia?
What about elsewhere in the world?
Has COVID-19 affected your surfing?
How do you feel about travelling overseas to surf?
What have been your most memorable times surfing?
How many boards do you own and what are they?
Do you surf on your own?
Who’s your favourite surfer?
Who would you most like to go surfing with?
Any tips to become a better surfer?
Have you ever been scared in the water?
Any injuries or catastrophes in the water?
What’s your favourite surf gear?
Is there anything you dislike about surfing?
What’s your view on sharks?
What do you most like about surfing?
What do you think about when you’re sitting out there on your board?
Whoa.
First, I am deeply ashamed of my entire past body of surf journalism. Profoundly ashamed. But, second, as we round the bend toward another holiday season, one fraught with political/pandemic-related pitfalls, I think these questions can form the entirety of our interactions with co-workers, family members. I think we can print them up and tape them to the insides of our fedoras and quickly review if cornered by any non-middle-aged, white, male nihilists.
Very helpful.
My sister had sex with an aussie guy called Jimmy on the beach in South France in the 90s
Said it was nothing to write home about.
LOL
Before I became a Guru of Solar Rez , I used acetone to remove resin from my 5 thumbs after fixing dings ever so badly …. Looks great but will not see it in Germany and travel home is out of the question until ? Vaccine knows when ….
sweet Tim, see you at the port.
Ok I am on it !
This year is the first time I haven’t spent at least 3 weeks there during that period since 1991 ….. misère !
What do you think about when you’re sitting out there on your board?
“…That dickhead better not paddle over here…”
One day , I walked 25 minutes just to be away …… from everyone ,in my old village , where I had a solid place at the top of the local hierarchy, and could have annoyed everybody , anywhere , on any bank , caught any wave I wanted , on our 18km stretch …. but decided I’d prefer to surf, one of three, perfect triangular banks on a tiny but beautiful swell ….. I chose the furthest away from the plage centrale , started to enjoy myself racking up wave after wave , after wave ….. and then , only 20 minutes later , the dickhead better not paddle out here moment arrives …. and fuck me if dickhead doesn’t walk past 2 identical banks to come and shatter the moment at my bank no 3 .
When he finally got out to the takeoff I said to him in French ….. either you go or I go …. but don’t follow ….. he thought I was mad , I was and paddled down to the next bank 50 m south across the channel and surfed for another 2 glorious hours …… ALONE .
Has happened to me a hundred times.
Take it as a compliment and move on and make that peak look better. That has been my only solace.
Om Om Om
“Il y a branleur dans la ocean!” would be the best I could come up with.
Les Connards !
It’s incredible isn’t it?!
Worth a read ?
The reporter is not asking the right questions.
“Four Newborns in Adelaide have died after being denied lifesaving heart surgery because it wasn’t available in Adelaide, and they couldn’t be transferred interstate because of travel restrictions,” reported 9News Australia.
Sounds like there’s more to that story – if truck drivers are allowed to cross borders they are not going to stop a dying baby. Don’t be such a gullabull.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk…
If Vic had a Conservative state govt party Pete would be goin off his head.
So that’s the “more to the story”. In party Pete’s world, if you’re a conservative, you’ll be dismissed quicker than a newborn that needs lifesaving heart surgery.
It’s some sad shit in Victoria
The less said the better.
I met the one JS, but I was busy and I when I found her again, she was taken by someone who didn’t love the road (she referred to him as steady). I couldn’t argue her point, but i hear her voice every time the wind blows.
Do you surf on your own?
I dont even surf with my friends, why would I want more people on the peak, especially ones that will burn me on purpose.
An insight into the minds of disturbed men.
They ought to ask you how you spell poser.
I surf when my kids aren’t Zooming…..
Is there anything you dislike about surfing ? Well fuck it’s obvious , ANYONE WHO SURFS !
( possibly my same answer for what do I like about surfing )
A furniture store sponsored the last WSL event at South Stradbroke …. who would have thought that surfers , living in grass shacks , on a supersized version of Gilligan’s Island , with nothing else to do but surf , drink béer , smoke weed and get the occasional root , would need or want to purchase furniture ? What fuckin for ?
Yep, if it wasn’t for rootin my house would be empty.
After my divorce, I lived in my design room within my warehouse. At nights, I would paint in acrylics the walls… an inebriated Claude Monet who surfed. It was heaven, no TV, no nothing.
Felt so austere, but my staff began deliberating what was in the trash (beer/weed) and to end the conjecture I rented a small hovel on the beach.
My married home was filled with so much stuff. Moving out required 3 van loads, but to be candid, 2 of the van loads were surfboards. I let her have ALL the stuff. 3 bedrooms worth of furniture, multiple TVs.
Setting up shop in the hovel, I purchased a single mattress that I laid on the floor, no box springs. I loved being close to the floor although my female guests were always surprised by the austerity.
I bought two plates, two forks, two glasses. Spartan living suit me well.
Clothes neatly folded in piles on the carpet near the bed. Closet suits lined up and rarely worn with dress shoes.
Tidy bathroom. Used my shampoo for body wash.
No TV. My living room wall was a row of boards I currently rode, the rest were in the rafters of the warehouse. Wetsuit hanging in the shower, something I was not allowed to do in my happily married home.
I miss the “cave”. I fucking don’t need any of the stuff.
Sometimes you don’t need much ….. I lived in an apartment ,for 10 years , above a surf shop ,which I shared with whoever , with two micro bed room lofts with no doors or curtains ….. and no regrets , 300 m from the beach , 200 m from Work , Southern Aspect . The Fuckin Love Shack . Fuck I still miss it , Unfortunately my mate sold it and the shop and the business for € 1.5 million in 2007 . I finally left the town after 20 years and the only piece of furniture I brought to Germany was an oversized Towel , which occasionally was used as a carpet like The rug that really tied the room together ….
Simple times are invigorating. Not sure why everyone aspires for complication? Women are complicated and need things including attention.
I’m happy on my front porch smelling the wind off the channel, cold and salty, not a sound. Pop a beer and watch the trees turn into pink silhouettes as the sun sets. It really is simple.
Sunsets ….. I watched it go down behind the land , from the water every night for 10 years in the 80s on the East Coast , …purples and oranges ……and then watched it disappear every dusk into the sea on Europe’s west coast , backlit and green , (like a Queensland morning but at night) ….. once surfed a 4hour session from 7pm to 11pm in early July after having waited all day for the flags to go down on the bomb bank ! When I got out German Tourists were clapping , not for me , but the bloody wonderful sunset spectacular , the best free show on earth !
I night surfed for 30 years, regularly. I liked it being quiet and empty. Now Rincon is crowded with any moon. It was such a good plan, worked like a dream, but the kids figured it out and have invaded with the chaos of the day light.
I take one solace JB, they can’t shoot IG photos at night.
Not Yet ! Go Pro Infra Red can’t be far away ….. cunts !
Nah man, there are plenty that do not require constant attention. I have been married to one now for 15 years. Best decision I ever made.
Fucking sounds like paradise
It was , asl long as paradise doesn’t need a smart phone , TV and a car …. and it was , at least from someone from Sydney , Fucking Cold and somewhat miserable from November till mid March .
The less dishes one owns, the less washing up one does. It’s a deal with myself I made years ago that has had profoundly positive effects. I have more boards than plates.
a couch. you can drink beer on it, smoke bongs on it and get the occasional root on it. and now with the internet, you can surf on it.
Can we call it a lounge …. or must we use the more sophisticated term Sofa ?
How do the say it in French?
Un canapé …..
I was wondered why some folks insisted on calling a bent mattress a futon
In a bit I’ve used several times before (throwback!), they did the same interview with me last week!…
How long have you been surfing and how did you get into it?
25 years. I liked going in the ocean and my brothers surfed.
Goofy footer or natural?
Regular.
How often do you surf and where?
Not often anymore. San Diego.
What are the biggest waves you will tackle?
I was out in triple-overhead Cloudbreak, but usually much smaller… I caught one wave.
Do you surf in all temperatures?
Um, I guess? I might move to the Faroe Islands.
What are your favourite surfing spots in Australia?
Never been, so I don’t know… probably Keramas… you get it?… oh, I see, not funny… I don’t know, I’d probably enjoy Bells, that ol’ mushburger.
What about elsewhere in the world?
Don’t know.
Has COVID-19 affected your surfing?
No… well, actually, yes. I surf less because there are too many fucking people surfing now.
How do you feel about travelling overseas to surf?
I wish I had money.
What have been your most memorable times surfing?
Mostly whenever I get barrels by myself.
How many boards do you own and what are they?
Three: a CI Sampler… that one sucks… a #77 Sharpeye… and a self-shaped piece of shit.
Do you surf on your own?
Yes.
Who’s your favourite surfer?
Jihad Khodr.
Who would you most like to go surfing with?
Julius Caesar.
Any tips to become a better surfer?
Don’t start… or if you’re in it, quit while you’re behind.
Have you ever been scared in the water?
Always.
Any injuries or catastrophes in the water?
My eyes whenever I see footage of me surfing.
What’s your favourite surf gear?
Traction (Buy here!)
Is there anything you dislike about surfing?
People.
What’s your view on sharks?
Beach Grit.
What do you most like about surfing?
It’s fun, and I can use it to get out of the house and buy more soda.
What do you think about when you’re sitting out there on your board?
How many waves I need to catch before I can go in.
You and I think about the same thing whilst sitting on our boards.
I am thinking “how many more waves do those fuckers need before they go in” but I always cave in first
Ask them the same questions with your next dull guest on dirty waters.
It might be more Interesting than their medical issues or existential dilemnas
Haha buy more soda had me rolling
Have you ever been sitting waiting and thinking about the girl who smiled in the car park?
Suddenly, your erection pops up and switches positions from the right side of your board shorts to the left?
So what do you do? Reposition before the next set wave? Do you paddle better rolling over a log on which rail, your toe edge or heal edge?
I know, less likely with a 3 mil, but it happens and much more difficult to reposition, yes?
I turned and burned with a semi many times back in the day. Just shoved it to the left leg and prayed when I laid down to paddle my nuts didn’t get smashed. But popping up frontside on a right with a thick crowd should make anyones dick shrink pretty quick. I guess unless you’re a showman.
This is incredible Dick ! You know a surfer who is not a showman ? Unbelievable !
If you are stoked on your boner sticking out on a wave you’ve entered another realm of surf showman.
A Hard Man is good to find ?
From my experience maybe not so hard in a crowded lineup. Hahaha.
The Damien Omen …. ?
I once had a girlfriend , actually more than one ,I actually had a few different girlfriends who would wade out naked in the shorebreak , in France , which often put a quick end to the session , and lead to a dash to the dunes , or a rumble in the shorey to satisfy pent up desires , before paddling back out to continue the serious business of surfing . NEVER WASTE AN ERECTION ! Or a left hand rip bowl !
I surf alone on deserted beaches, but it’s the women in the houses taking their morning walk for coffee that catch my attention. When one wanders to the waters edge to have a look, maybe a wave, I notice.
Well, he notices.
It’s funny having dueling motivations. A set wave or a wank? The women require nuancing and I gots no time for that when the waves are good. Eventually, the old boy settles down and a few good rides later you forget the entire episode until you get home and the wife asks what you did today.
Man shall not live on bread ( or waves ) alone . 1/2 the fun of surfing , where I lived in France , was checking out the Nude Tourist girls , and local girls from March till End of October , on the way back from the best left rip bowl , wherever it may have been , on our stretch ( 12km ) of beach .
I was supposed to go over for Mailman’s wedding and I was booked solid (remember those days?), but I wish I had gone and surfed that joint. Maybe you were there, maybe not, we probably would have fought for waves anyway. I’ve met my best friends that way….
Met some French girls in Mainland Mexico, one on Huahine and always dreamed of coming over. Problem is JimJim, your season coincided with Mexico prime and I fucking didn’t want to be around during the tour.
Maybe someday.
Best Surf months by far , September , early October ….. still warm , way cheaper and , if you stray north of Hossegor and the Basque Country , you can still surf it relatively uncrowded …. I lived North of Lacanau and it was Paradise ( depending on the banks ) from Easter till Halloween .
Prime Mex season amigo. I like 400 yard points spinning. I like beach breaks heaving without a soul in sight and not tide dependent. I will get there someday, but I’m not going anywhere now.
Wife mentioned this the other day at dinner…. I was not going to be home between work trips and bookended surf trips from March until July. We got along the entire time, who knew? But i miss the road. I miss money. I miss warm, good surf.
Instead, I have 3 meals a day (never in my life have I eaten 3 daily meals), Beachgrit and too much weed. I miss the road.
Live in the now . The road will open when it is ready ….
thank you. I know it to be true, but it feels so far away.
Hip …. I am stuck surfing the Baltic , North Sea and Denmark until we can . Have you read Paulo Coelho’s « The Alchemist « One can find what we are looking for , sometimes under a rock at home ?
I will seek, find and read.
Sometimes therapy is in front of you.
12k’s. That’s a lot of titties to scope!
Twas ….When I first got there nudity was far more prevalent , so often even a surf a few hundred meters from the carpark was greeted with delights from all over Europe . My 2nd day in town in 92 , a few local girls actually asked if they could come to the beach with me to watch me surf …. I thought it was joke , but the next day 5 of them turned up , stripped naked and , watched on with glee as I surfed the shorey …… there was no way I was surfing anywhere else … ha ha
Sick!!
Talk about a dream sesh. Not much paddling plus a t&a display. Magnifique
I cried the whole session , screaming to gods « At 26 , Why the fuck did I waste the last 10 years of my young life when I could have been doing this ! « … so I stayed for the next 20 years .
I am deeply ashamed of my entire past body of comments on this surf candy site
“uh oh, fart”. rainman
“Never go full retard” Robert Downey jr.