"I can't understand things, I swear!"
Oh to be young and talented, the eyes of the world gazing lovingly at all that potential, nothing but blue skies and green pastures ahead. Or, in our water world, blue skies and tasty waves. Surf and surf-adjacent brands so happy to ink sponsorship deals, to release glowing press releases about etc.
Father Time, though, he is an unrelenting menace and soon the young and talented turn twenty-seven and talented and those same surf and surf-adjacent brands hold their nose, turn the other way while whispering, “It smells like Geritol.”
And let us read from the Instagram of twenty-seven year old World Surf League Championship Tour veteran Caio Ibelli who was just dumped by Oakley even though he is currently sitting 9th and could easily win the year as he is a proven competitor.
Per the translation:
16 years ago I joined the team @oakleysurfing were many trips and dreams conquered together as pro junior world champion, Brazilian champion Junior champion WQS, rookie of the year … It was a lot of money invested getting ready to get where I am today, in the world surfing elite. I am very grateful for everything they did for me but I can’t understand things, I swear! Today I am in the elite, without a main sponsor and I lost another co-sponsorship! But that’s it, let’s go in love, and appreciate who’s on our side!
Wait.
Twenty-seven?
That is primetime, not old, and what is surfing’s major malfunction? Does it fetishize youth, like an unfortunate pervert, not properly valuing talents reaching their own?
Should surfing be forced to register as a sex offender?
Much to ponder but while you are pondering, come listen to Caio Ibelli on Dirty Water and feel the rage boil at his dumping.
Pro surfing as we have known it is done, it was already failing pre covid but covid has put the final nail in the coffin, time to start again
Does one in this situation wait for a new sponsor or go around squinting in the sun running the danger of getting crow’s feet before turning say 28?
Get some hair plugs, go back to Brazil and get a fake birth certificate, and then he can be the new hotshot 18 year old ripper and land some sponsors again. It worked for a couple of drinking-age basketball players who went back to high school and became stars (until they got caught.)
he did come 2nd at Bells , beating JJF in the semis’s!
On one of your boards if I remember correctly!
Isn’t he on RYD team now? Surely they could give him a few extra South African Rand to cover the deficit left by Oakley.
He seems like a decent guy. Hangs out around Carlsbad with Josh Kerr. Maybe Surfride can float him some t-shirts and wax, maybe a traction pad or two?
The amazing thing is that he seems so surprised and confused by it all. Like, there’s a pandemic and people are losing jobs left right and centre and he’s baffled that he’s no longer going to be paid by a brand in an industry that is haemorrhaging money for a job that he essentially has only done for a couple of weeks in the past year.
I mean, half the fucken top ten got the chopping block from Hurley – and they were guys who’ve had signature movies, multiple WCT wins, and adoring fans for the past decade. Guys who have massive profiles and accomplishment outside of competition.
I suspect the bloodbath has only just begun and pro surfers are going to have to adjust to a very different pay scale over the next few years. Any pro who hasn’t done serious work over the past year either setting up alternate income streams or building a massive social media presence/persona is going to regret it very soon.
Caio never really did fit the Qakley image. The makers of the classic “speed dealer” sunnies much prefer people who fit that brand a bit better, like Dustin Barca, Rico Jaminez and Bruce Irons.
Hope he wins this year 😆
sorry Cry-O you just don’t have any marketing appeal
Pauline Mensczer says hi.
wait?!?!?!?! 9nth in the WORLD???????? more questions than answers
I was once 5th.
He won 2 heats at Pipe (one of them a non-elimination).
He’s equal 9th with 7 other people. After 1 event.
The Neco Dirty Water was good.
The ironic thing is that the WSL muzzles its surfers for the sake of the brand, which makes the surfers largely unrecognizable on their own right, which hurts the WSL the most in the end…
This is fucked up true!
True, not that I know much about these things, but they all seem as bland as vanilla, no rebels there.
And then they try and gin up fake controversy with a podcast called “Getting Heated” to try and pretend like its an open mic.
Tbh, Slater should sign him up to Outerknown. Caio will win a few more contests post-COVID and the Brazilian market as we know is only going to grow.
Caio’s sponsors are dropping off quicker then his hair
Let’s hope he’s ocaio
Whenever I’m shopping for sunglasses I stop to consider if I opt for the timeless and classically heavy and solid Ray Ban Wayfarer or some chunky white lightweight flimsy pieces of shit. Then whilst sitting on the fence I recall… Caio, I must be like that pretty okay and fairly nondescript surfer from Brazil! I just must!
Perhaps some wraparounds and a mullet might endear him to some sorts.
One word: unmarketable
Surfing? or just Caio?
A little of both Ha Ha. I meant Caio though
He’s clearly trying to surf at the wrong beach for one thing. That water behind him is calm as a pond.
Perhaps he should pursue a SUP-Yoga career?
Haha Oakley still sponsor Hiroto Ohhara and some old fisherman cunt named Kevin Vandam. You did something wrong, Ciao. Also, you’re a bit of a sook in general.
I bet many more people in the US know who Kevin Van Dam is then Mr. Ibelli. Just as bass fishing is more popular then surfing.
The contest surfer must ask the question, how/why the fuck am I getting paid right now?
Make an ass out yourself unboxing things.