No. 2 pencils only.
As revealed, moments ago, one-time Venice-adjacent surf magazine Stab is hiring (youth only) for a coveted new Byron Bay position but first a quiz must be taken. No. 2 pencils only.
(Just kidding. If you’re using a no. 2 pencil it means you are old.)
Begin.
1. Air quiz | Why will the name Zoltan Torkos forever be part of surfing’s aerial history?
He landed the first backflip
He was the first surfer to land an air at Waco.
He taught Christian Fletcher how to fly.
He landed the first kickflip
2. Which surfer landed a seamless lien full-rotation air reverse to win Stab High in 2019?
Kevin Schulz
3. In the 2009 Kai Neville film Modern Collective, Jordy Smith landed numerous backside Superman airs, which later became known as the _____?
Sushi roll
Froggy
French crumpet
Awkward eagle
4. Who was the first surfer to stick a no-grab double alleyoop (landing with the tail facing the beach)?
John Florence
5. John Florence landed his biggest in-competition alleyoops at what CT venues?
Backdoor and Haleiwa
Keramas and Bells
J-bay and Brazil
Snapper and France
6. What Volcom surfer closed his first profile film with a tube into a massive alleyoop, and at what wave did he fly?
Bruce Irons, Keramas
Ozzie Wright, Tallows
Andrew Doheny, Lowers
Noa Deane, North Point
7. What freckle-faced Floridian invented the Gorkin Flip?
Kelly Slater
Eric Geiselman
8. In 2011, what surfer defeated Taj Burrow in the Quik Pro New York semifinals with a hail mary frontside full-rotation, sans tail pad?
Julian Wilson
Owen Wright
Josh Kerr
Kelly Slater
9. What aerial pioneer was sponsored by a Southern California porn shop, got mixed up with the Hells Angels, and is rumored to have won the 1989 Lowers event strictly by doing airs on the left?
Kelly Slater
Kevin Schulz
Christian Fletcher
10. In 2001, what younger brother earned the closing part of Taylor Steele’s Campaign fim, largely due to his straight air hammer that closed the film?
Cory Lopez
Bruce Irons
Nathan Fletcher
11. Filipe Toledo landed one of the biggest airs in competitive history at the 2018 Oi Rio Pro. What was it?
Alleyoop
Frontside full-rotation
Backside full-rotation
Straighty
12. What Santa Cruz aerialist was known to punt off NorCal wedges in custom Hotline superhero wetsuits?
Darryl ‘Flea’ Virostko
Jason ‘Ratboy’ Collins
Shawn ‘Barney’ Barron
Nat Young
13. Tube Quiz | One of the most memorable waves from Slater’s storied career was an air-drop to accidental layback tube, which earned him a 10 (and the win) against Bruce Irons in what CT event?
Cloudbreak
Teahupo’o
Pipeline
Brazil
14. This surfer has become known for his annual jaunts to Skeleton Bay, where in the past two years, he’s clogged our feeds with dual GoPro/drone visions of waves with 7+ tubes.
Brett Barley
Benji Brand
15. Before Skeleton Bay was on the map, Ozzie Wright had the longest recorded barrel at which Indonesian wave?
Nokandui
G-Land
16. This female World Champion got a hellacious no-hand backside tube at Cloudbreak while warming up for the 2016 event.
Carissa Moore
Tyler Wright
Stephanie Gilmore
17. The heaviest-ever tow wave and heaviest-ever paddle wave at Teahupo’o were ridden by different surfers of the same first name. What is it?
Andy
Koa
Nathan
John
18. In 2018, Joel Parkinson called an air-drop to unmade tube by Grant Twiggy Baker the greatest wave ever ridden. At what big wave venue did it occur?
Jaws
Nazaré
Maverick’s
Puerto Escondido
19. This Pipe Master’s eponymously-named film is focused almost entirely on tube-riding, with sections in Indo, Tahiti, Mexico, Fiji, Micronesia, and Hawaii.
Joel Parkinson, Parko’s Pits
Kelly Slater, Kelly Slater in Black and White
Taj Burrow, Sabotaj
Jamie O’Brien, Who Is JOB
20. Craig Anderson rode a famously undersized craft at massive Nokandui in 2015. How big was his Hypto Krypto?
5’0
5’2
5’4
5’6
21. This surfer recently revolutionized tube-riding by perfecting the forehand layback.
Mason Ho
John Florence
Damien Hobgood
22. In 2017, Michel Bourez used what unique body part to slow himself down at Cloudbreak, earning a nine-point ride for the subsequent tube?
Forehead
Back
Knee
Foot
23. This surfer earned surfing’s only perfect-30 heat on a gorgeous three-foot day at Kirra by threading tube after tube.
Kelly Slater
Joel Parkinson
Shane Beschen
24. The most memorable wave of Andy Irons’ career was a backside side-slip into a gaping 10-foot tube. Where did this occur?
Teahupo’o
Pipeline
Cloudbreak
Mundaka
25. Face Surfing Quiz | Dane Reynolds made his “Dane Turn” famous at which WSL event, where commentators Shane Dorian and Rob Machado believed the 7 he received was a major under-score?
Rip Curl Pro Bells
Vans World Cup (Sunset Beach)
Reef Hawaiian Pro (Haleiwa)
26. In the Volcom film Psychic Migrations, which surfer shaped their own rainbow-tinted board and painted Chile’s left-hand points with gorgeous, abstract lines?
Yago Dora
Andrew Doheny
27. John Florence is famous for his railwork at both Rockpile and Margaret River Mainbreak. What Pyzel craft is his favorite for carving oversized walls?
The Phantom
The Ghost
The Bastard
The Padillac
28. This Australian natural-footer, considered to be surfing’s first well-paid freesurfer, is known for his long, languid carves and unrivaled power.
Dave ‘Rasta’ Rastovich
Brendan ‘Margo’ Margieson
Torren Martyn
29. What size Maurice Cole surfboard was Tom Curren riding when he did the famous cutback at Backdoor?
5’8
6’8
7’8
Trick question, it was a skimboard.
30. This Australian female earned a 10 at the 2019 Keramas event for an ultra-stylish check stall, tube, and drop-knee reo.
Steph Gilmore
Sally Fitz
Tyler Wright
Keely Andrew
31. This Hawaiian powerhouse has more Triple Crowns to his name than any other surfer.
Pancho Sullivan
Andy Irons
Zeke Lau
32. Tom Curren famously had an incredible first ride at which right-hand point?
Lower Trestles
Jeffrey’s Bay
Rincon
Snapper
33. Which surfer performed what is widely known as ‘The Snap’ at Pipeline?
Mark Occhilupo
Kelly Slater
Andy Irons
Tom Carroll
34. What year did Occy win 11 skins at Bells?
1996
1997
1998
1999
35. Famous Australian carver, Mick Fanning, has a nickname. What is it?
White Lightning
Eugene
McMuffin
All of the above
36. Kelly Slater and Andy Irons shared an iconic final at J-Bay in 2005. Which surfer won a buzzer-beater wave, despite falling on the final turn?
Kelly Slater
Andy Irons
Neither, Parko won
Share results in comments. Stab staff sure to be reading.
Dick got a 91.7. Did I break it?
I really enjoyed those questions. Knew quite a fair few. I reckon half this bell end crowd would’ve struggled with it!
Ah the old days of punting on Stab. When NEG was still around too! Nick Dee was still annoying AF, and little BG barely had a hair on its balls. Imagine paying a monthly subscription to comment on a STAB article. They scarcely manage 2 per article, I wonder what their bounce rate is, Chas?
I got every fucking question right and I hate myself for it.
Some thing like that
This is all fantastic information!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Am I hired? Too bad I’m old – no 21 year old can pass this test.
Questions for a future Aussie surf scribe:
1) Do you know what a “word count” is?
2) Can you spell Burleigh Heads?
3) Who is Col Smith?
4) Do you know the words to Simple Ben?
5) Doug Warbrick’s nickname?
6) Who is Oscar Langburne’s favorite band?
7) Who founded Stab?
8) Where is Yeppoon?
9) Who is Eugene?
10) How many people has Dingo burned out Snapper?
Who the fuck is an Oscar langburn
Fucks sake. Those questions make me realise I have nothing in common with surfing. Sigh. I guess I will just go back to riding those lines of energy rolling through the sea/ocean. I wonder what they is called? Hmmm. Let’s call it slipping! I will start Slipping Magazine! Stab has this surfing thingamajig covered it seems.
Strider seems cold in that photo.
Question: What are Strider’s pet names for his right, and left tits?
I know! I know! Attack dogs!
They have individual names.
Don’t just lump them all together.
Check your privileges.
Lester and Chester?
We do those analyses every 3 hours, to make sure that we capture every significant detail, and to check that the NWP models actually know what they’re talking about. It’s one of the joys of the job.
You go through a lot of 2B pencils when a tropical cyclone (I think that was Gita) crosses NZ.
Class of ‘78! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
‘78 adjacent.
I answered all those with “I don’t give a fuck”. Am I hired?
Do you have at least two Bad Brains shirts?
Jah, Rastafari
Why didn’t they just go back and lift various Aussie bg commentators and run it through a bot.
Seems my avatar has made a thumbnail. Up the Stridz!
Can we crowd source a BG hiring quiz
This feels so kooky somehow.
A bit ageist too. 1989? Occy? Most of us entry level’ers weren’t quite born yet.
They want someone young but ask all kinds of qustions from the eighties and nineties.
I definitely didn’t pass.
I got a a 77.8 because I was surfing back then. Still not that good.
I’ll take a 66% percent for a 24 year old then.
It’s like me trying to answer questions about the sixties. I would get a zero
2B for the win, when it comes to doing MSL analyses.
(Not mine, but a colleague’s.)
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
37. Which surfer has the best labia majora outline?
Coffey
Ericson
Hodges
Defay
38. If you find 65 lbs. of cocaine at your local, do you:
Call the cops
Go surf, and laugh about it
Call your lifeguard buddy you caught making out with the tranny in Tijuana because he’s on duty
Stick your fin in one of those bricks, and get some go-go power for carrying 25 of them in your suit
Well that just confirms I’m horribly out of touch with commercial surfing. 0.8 for me.
CT level!
I’ll just paddle myself in
What surfer has ever proved that a ‘whirly bird’ is a functional maneuver,. (instead of a funny–looking trick)?
None.