Blinded by the white!
The official cast of this summer’s surefire reality television smash “The Ultimate Surfer” was announced to great fanfare, hours ago, but as the trumpets of praise begin to fade they are being matched by a cacophony of confusion.
Why no Brazilians and/or diversity?
The World Surf League, under the pale right hand of Nebraska-bred SUP enthusiast Erik “ELo” Logan has pivoted the Santa Monica-based organization hard woke in recent months, making certain to be at the bleeding edge of pronoun usage etc. and yet his cast resembles a revamped Brady Bunch.
Covid will, no doubt, be fingered but are there zero Brazilian surfers living in The United States?
Mexicans?
South African sons of famous flugelhornists who also count Kelly Slater as a best best pal?
Brazilians?
That proud South American nation is the only, currently, producing anything whatsoever “ultimate” in “surfing” and to leave entirely out seems… shortsighted.
But seriously and I hate to poke*, how did this even happen?
More as the story develops.
*I don’t.
Bruna is brazillian, from Matinhos, Paraná
Blame Ziff!
“I’ll give you 20 pds. of primo meth, to promote my silly show about douchebags.”
“SCOoOOOOOOooooooRE!”
“South African sons of famous flugelhornists who also count Kelly Slater as a best best pal”
I can’t get past this. Who you talking about here Charles?
Sal!
Hmmm. He can’t really surf worth a shit. Plus the plural “sons” threw me off.
In a strange twist in time and space , after traveling through a wormhole , a 21 year old , Kelly Slater , plays himself playing Jimmy Slade in this 2021 version of Bay Watch goes to the Pool and meets his 50 year old self in A Picture of Shane Dorian Gray Moment …..
Would he be happy having become surfings version of Colonel Kurtz meets Dr Evil or would he throw himself under his future self’s train ….. thus denying his elder self 10 world titles which would leave his legacy similar to that of ADS who won a title and then lost it to this POOL?
Even Stranger David Hasselhof will turn up genetically modified looking like Tattoo from Fantasy Island and ask Kelly “ What is your fantasy Boss ? “
you got to have some good weed
Actually in a holding pattern , thinking of beer , waiting for guests to arrive for a birthday
Be nude when they show up, and tell them clothes are patriarchy!
Scorn I once got nude in front of the whole village in France during a drag queen cabaret at the end of season and somehow managed to shock every women over the age of 40 even though I had seen them all nude at the beach for years …. Go figure ?
Just like real estate, nudity is all about location, location, location.
Unless it was dance of the flaming arseholes or spitting the winkle. Then those Frenchies had what was going.
We , a future boss of Surfing NSW and I or me … we’re in 1997 performing the dance of the flaming arseholes during a mythic night of Bacchanalian frivolity in the town of 100 French and 3 Australians where I lived for 20 years when my mate the Butcher ,Jean Paul pulled down his shorts and lit 🔥 up his pubic hair for 7 seconds … which made us look like Batman at sunset beach …. so we practiced and learnt and I performed this at a mate’s wedding overlooking Sydney Harbour in 2003 ….
( hide the meat ,
ignite the pubic hair
and LIGHT UP THE PARTY !
What is this called?
Pubic Flash Paper?
Whites and Ricans, they have one thing in common, they both don’t like black people. Of course not all across the US, but definitely here in my state.
They made a little musical about it
WEST SIDE STORY …. just kidding
I think Spike Lee may have explained it best in this scene from
DO THE RIGHT THING
https://youtu.be/gLYTObRhcSY
Oh boy….this story is sure going to develop
Hi Jas Smith and also Jaddy Lee Snails .. please do not respond defensively .. but your podcast could use some lightening up 🥰
I was sick and grouchy.
No worries man. I was a bit harsh. I too stare at the long desert in the evening when I am feeling distant from the god dionysus. It’s a wonderful/terrible life we live in. Jaddy Lee Snails still can lighten up though
This.
Can’t wait for the episode when they all paddle a heavy day at Shipsterns Bluff until only 1 remains.
Or the obligatory alcohol episode where Zeke finds a bottle of tequila and a shark-toothed club in his bungalow.
When you say you “hate to poke”, do you actually mean you “hate to poké”, and are against the (apparently these days) Hawaiian national dish ?
And by doing so, do you in fact hate all of Hawaii as a result of your strong disliking of poké ?
Do you also hate acai, and other (apparently in Hawaii) fashionable (supposed) healthy foods ?
What about non trendy (and supposedly un)healthy all-American foods like hotdogs or toaster waffles ?
Have you, or are you, going to take a similar stand on spam, Hawaiian or otherwise ?
To be quite honest, I don’t really like poké but I love Spam so much that I’m basically Hawaiian.
Spam masubi–ono grinds!
If you like spam you’d love Palm brand tinned corned beef.
Made in NZ and hugely popular across the South Pacific, it’s what powers all the Rugby and League players from the islands…
I have eaten a lot of shit during my years but since I could afford otherwise , I remind myself I will never have to eat Spam , Vegemite and Lots of Noodles ( Dole food of a surfing nation ) ever again .
Well as Greg Brady would say “Geez they look like really groovy chicks!”
Only a beach grit dude could go back that far, and pull that quote out of the hat.
I reckon they should like Bobby and Cindy , attempt to break the world teeter totter record ……. on a fuckin ban saw ….. ooops see saw .
The “katchoo” episode reminds me of last year! “Experts”
I wondering in the current political climate if one would be brave enough to put a common bathroom between the room of teenagers not related genetically like the Brady Bunch ?
Kanye don’t surf
If the Wsl can import Americans and others to Australia for a surf contest–I’m pretty sure (with Dirk’s billions), they could have arranged to have some quarantine time and have some non-U.S.A. visiting surfers on their show.
Or, it could just be racist.
More likely U.S. employment laws don’t allow it.
Similarly, there’s never been any non US citizens in ‘Survivor’ for instance, even though it’s filmed and shown all around the world.
And this show is most undoubtedly never going to be shown on network TV outside the U.S. of A….
Okay, maybe I’m making a big thing out of nothing, (they still looked hand-picked though), but even ‘Survivor’ had some African-American contestants.
If you read the fine print on the application form you had to be a US citizen or green card holder.
Ok, point taken, but since surfing is such an international sport these days, (unfortunately), is that fair? did they do it on purpose?
These guys aren’t stupid, they know exactly what they are doing.
There are no surfers of color in the United States?
These guys (girls) all look like they could have been taken out of that TV show that was on a few years back, “The O.C.”
The Odd Cunt?
Get over it. It required certain restrictions (citizen or green card), thats life. On top of those restrictions you still had to be able to surf and be interesting enough to put on TV. And, no, there are not that many African American surfers in the US.
I like the story about how the images on the Voyager space probes say “Greetings from Orange County”.
In Australia we don’t have a mania about race like you guys do. We are just surfers and the only prefix would be “indigenous” when describing some of our Aboriginal mates. That’s it.
Having said that… It’s pretty bloody tone deaf to pick all the contestants who are white or “tanned”. If for no other reason than there are some damn foxy Asian and Dark skinned women out there that I would like to see prancing around in bikinis.
FUCK OFF.
FUCK OFF.
FUCK OFF.
FUCK OFF.
FUCK OFF.
FUCK OFF.
etc ad infinitum.
Diversity is so hot right now
yea, white hot
No doubt there’s many Brazilian surfers living in the good old OooEssAyy, the question is how many are living there legally and able to appear in this shitshow…
Looking forward to the open thread: comment live viewing party.
Drek, get on this, please.
Will this wonderful show also enfold the cultural heritage of The Sport of Klaims ™?
Exklaimation Point ! Taken .
CB ….. could you , in your role as Minister of the Sport of Klaims* and Cultural Heritage please investigate the claim by John ( blow in ) who claimed that The Pass at Byron was a “ Longboard heritage spot “ and seems in denial of the importance played by this spot in the role of Local Byron Shortboard Stars and the Board Manufacturing industry at Byron since 68 ….. From Gary Timperley , whose folks owned the Timperley Garage , smack bang in the middle of town , through to Soli Bailey and Kiuss King and in between Kieran Perrow and Danny Wills and a plethora of stars …..
Having Surfed on the SKY TEAM , I don’t remember seeing a single long board in the factory in visits in the 80s and never saw a MADDOG long board either !
Could you please send a member of the STASI ( Surfers Truth And Security Institute ) to render John Doe inoperable …. This message will self destruct in 10 seconds
Konsider it done.
Khaos shall not reign
What’s the over / under on Luke Davis and Koa Smith romance? https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Luke over Koa under
Hopefully a torrid affair that ends in a joe turpel hosted mid season interview with eliminated cast members
fuck, I can’t un-see that
Do the winners definitely get a spot on the CT? The press release says they get an ‘opportunity’ to join the tour, which is ambiguous.
If you’re the QS surfer who misses out on the CT by one spot, you’d be pissed knowing that spot was put aside for a bunch of American social media influencers.
I think it’s just a wildcard to the wave pool, isn’t it? There will always be two mens and one women’s wildcard at every event. That’s how they’ll do it.
In the Australian football they had a similar thing where the winner got drafted into one of the AFL clubs. I think the winner ended up being put on Port Adelaide’s list for the season IIRC.