Spam musubi.
Well heck. What a rough end to an altogether rough week. Malibu inflamed in war, ex-professional surfer Matt Wilkinson caught up in scandal, and now, per just released reports, famous-adjacent movie star Miles Teller experiencing the gift of aloha whilst on Maui, screaming about pressing charges.
Uh oh.
And per those just released reports, Teller was vacationing with his wife Keleigh Sperry (maybe a relation to the shoes), Shailene Woodley (star of Hawaiian film The Descendants) and her fiancé disgruntled Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers.
They were out, according to law enforcement, at Monkeypod Kitchen, when Teller had to use the restroom and did so, I’m sure providing some amount of pleasure except when he was there he became punched directly in the face.
A classic false crack.
According to TMZ, “The man who punched Miles was a wedding planner who claimed Miles owed him $60,000 for services he performed for Miles’ wedding in Maui back in 2019. Our eyewitnesses claim the man was complaining to Miles he had not gotten paid.”
No one was arrested.
Hawaii.
Amirite?
One-time surf personality Ashton Goggans would certainly approve of the pressing charges.
More as the story develops.
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Maybe just pay your bills Brah?
Rich haoles talking getting the law to protect them from their cunty actions in the past, Hawaii in a nutshell right there.
It’s “haole” not “haoles.”
Just because haole people pluralize with an S, doesn’t mean Hawaiians do.
Even if there is more than one?
Damm haoles!!!
Fuck the lot of them anyhow, especially all those blue eyed , blonde haired women that decimated a generation of hard arse local Bruddahs by marrying them
Haole don’t pay, Haole gets punch. What’s the problem?
Who? Take your licks and move on. 60k – you’re lucky that’s all you got. 60k debt usually doesn’t end that well.
I’ve never heard of him.
This would have NEVER happened had they eaten at Bubba Gumps or Cheeseburger In Paradise.
Its true. Monkeypod is a dangerous place for a white guy to go. I had some dark and dangerous guys almost assault me there too! Something about my Tommy Bahama shirt tucked into my Dockers that they didn’t like. Yelling something about dirty lickings and going home. Lucky the shrill squeal of my trusty Rape Whistle sent them scampering back into the shadows. Close call. Only ate at my hotel restaurants after that. Maui is dangerous.
There needs to be some things checked off, for it to be a “false crack”. I feel like this piece has been written, using cultural appropriation being that Hawaiians “falsely/steal” punch people. Makes white people victims, and the brown, indigenous, oppressed Hawaiians(90% haole) bullies. Maybe the guy asked to mouth his lemonade spicket , and got straight in his face “PUNCHED”!?? More as this……
Soo Surfline Man caught a flight straight outta L.A. to Maui…while high on PCP! See Jen See how your story-line can only get mo’betta?
so what happened with the Beach Grit podcast? dead?
I had to google him.
He sure has a douchie looking highly punchable face.
I imagine there’s quite a queue lined up to take a swing, as well as a lot of people cheering on the pugilistic wedding planner…
P.S.
Oi Chas
I think you should look further into the potential trouble brewing at the ‘bu.
Were you aware the big house on the hill overlooking the point is owned by a black African despot and Vice President of Equatorial Guinea ?
Teodora Nguema Obiang Mangue.
His dad is the Equatorial Guinea president (and officially proclaimed God) who is known for many human rights injustices, killing field style death camps and stealing all the countries oil money etc etc etc…
I wonder if he’s on Carla’s side or Jae’s side in the current Malibu conflict ?
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
(2:17)
Mangue doesn’t own that house anymore. It got seized by FBI in 2014.
Really ?
I wonder who lives there now.
They need to update his Googleness if that’s the case.
The things I read said he’d had heaps of property and money confiscated in various places but that he still had a ‘coastal California mansion’ after paying some ‘fines’ and shaking Obama and Michelle’s hands at the Whitehouse. Photos provided.
Possibly just had it transferred to another company name ?
Don’t know but this says all gone
https://virtualglobetrottin…
Any of you see that movie Whiplash? Teller was in it along with the bald guy from those insurance commercials. I thought it was fantastic and highly recommend.
Doesn’t pay for wedding services, cancelled!
Also had Paul Reiser in it
Damn Burke! Figured he could get an alien past quarantine if Ripley or Newt was impregnated. Game over man! Game over.
Brilliant fucking movie
While in no way claiming to be a jazz musician, the word on the street I heard was while the movie represented the dedication to craft of many students, if any teacher acted in that way, they would not have a job for very long.
Feels like a runaround just to poke Ashton in the ribs at the end. Sure why not