Taj Burrow in 1999, shot for Transworld by the
great Steve Sherman aka @tsherms.
Much-loved world number two surfer launches
wild anti COVID vaccination fusillade; tells 326,000 followers,
“Wake up and stand up Australia!!! Do not get the poisonous
needle!!”
By Derek Rielly
No jab for Tez.
The two-time runner-up to the world surfing title,
Australian Taj Burrow, has issued a dire warning to his 326,000
followers, writing of the folly of inoculation against
the, likely, man-made and imported from China virus COVID-19.
Using his Instagram story function, Burrow, who is a few weeks
off hitting forty-three can y’believe, don’t it make you feel old
etc, ran, first, this.
And, TB suggested y’watch Doc Ryan Cole’s slam dunk on a disease
that kills, almost exclusively, the old and the fat.
Interesting times, as they say.
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Report: Bad blood gushing in El Salvador
ahead of World Surfing Games as furious Olympians, forced to
compete, point to Kelly Slater’s exemption as patently unfair!
By Chas Smith
"Once again, we will get to unite the world in
peace through our sport’s community, youth, and love."
Well well and well, the World Surfing Games
kick off today in beautiful El Salvador, sun shining overhead,
waves lapping coarse shores, but reports coming out of El Sunzal
and La Bocana, which infuriated Huntington Beach by dubbing itself
Surf City, are filled with frowns and wailing.
Much gnashing of teeth.
As you know, International Surfing Association chief Fernando
Aguerre, who’s organization is in charge of selecting Olympic
qualifiers, forced every Olympic hopeful
to attend the entire event, from opening ceremonies to
closing ceremonies. Even those who have already qualified through
the World Surf League Championship Tour like Australia’s deadly
Irukandjis.
The WSL and Surfers’ Union have, apparently, fought hard for
those already qualified not to have to make the trip to El Salvador
in this still-exhausting time of Covid, attempting to placate
Aguerre in various and sundry ways, but he was having none of
it.
“The surfers must surf and march and flag wave in El Salvador!”
is a relatively accurate summation of his general line.
“Except Kelly Slater!”
Frustration has continued to mount over Slater’s doctor’s note
for a years old foot injury, exempting him from traveling to El
Salvador but not from barreling in Hawaii or the upcoming Surf
Ranch Pro presented by Corona. Joanne Defay has allegedly been
given a doctor’s pass allowing her to pool but not Salvador
too.
Bad blood running in the gutters.
Aguerre, unbent, released the following statement..
“These are historical times for surfing. We will crown ISA
World Surfing Games champions and complete the qualification for
the Tokyo 2020 Games. Once again, we will get to unite the
world in peace through our sport’s community, youth, and
love. While we had to wait a year, the 2021 edition of the
World Surfing Games will certainly be one of the most special in
history. It has been a challenging time for all around the
world, but we have demonstrated our resilience. Our sport and
community are stronger than ever. From a record number of
women, to the world’s best surfers flying their flags, there are
many reasons to be excited about what this event and the future of
surfing behold. I would like to give a huge thanks to the
Government of El Salvador, the organisers of the event, as well as
to the people of El Salvador for the warm welcome and strong
support.”
I suppose if surfing’s Olympic debut will unite the world in
peace, youth and love then a few hurt feelings are worth it.
No?
Surfline believes so, running the biggest banner ads I have ever
seen in my life featuring a video presentation of chief
Aguerre.
At time of publication, 966 people have viewed.
Surfline, man. Let’s double it for them. Aguerre seems like a
sweet guy, bringing peace between the English and Irish etc.
Do your part to end The Troubles here.
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Breaking: Famous-adjacent actor Miles
Teller false cracked in Maui, experiencing the gift of aloha while
allegedly screaming “I’m going to press charges!”
By Chas Smith
Spam musubi.
Well heck. What a rough end to an altogether
rough week. Malibu inflamed in war, ex-professional surfer Matt
Wilkinson caught up in scandal, and now, per just released reports,
famous-adjacent movie star Miles Teller experiencing the gift of
aloha whilst on Maui, screaming about pressing charges.
Uh oh.
And per those just released reports, Teller was vacationing with
his wife Keleigh Sperry (maybe a relation to the shoes), Shailene
Woodley (star of Hawaiian film The Descendants) and her fiancé
disgruntled Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers.
They were out, according to law enforcement, at Monkeypod
Kitchen, when Teller had to use the restroom and did so, I’m sure
providing some amount of pleasure except when he was there he
became punched directly in the face.
A classic false crack.
According to TMZ, “The man who punched Miles was a wedding
planner who claimed Miles owed him $60,000 for services he
performed for Miles’ wedding in Maui back in 2019. Our eyewitnesses
claim the man was complaining to Miles he had not gotten paid.”
No one was arrested.
Hawaii.
Amirite?
One-time surf personality Ashton Goggans
would certainly approve of the pressing charges.
More as the story develops.
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Watch: Shane Dorian, Keala Kennelly, Billy
Kemper and other notables share dark secrets in masterful Monster
Energy Big Wave Sessions!
By Chas Smith
Not to be missed.
Tomorrow morning at 11 am Pacific Standard, 2
pm Eastern, ABC will air the entirely compelling Monster Energy Big
Wave Sessions in these United States of America. And it is easy to,
sometimes, forget there is surfing productions beyond the WSL.
Filmmakers, storytellers to use the parlance of WSL CEO Erik Logan,
who can weave a narrative out of surfing’s various and sundry
strands.
Tales for the masses, yes, as ABC (American Broadcasting
Corporation) is network television but tales for us grumpy locals
too.
Emmy Award winner Paul Taublieb is one such storyteller and in
charge of tomorrow’s program.
Taublieb, co-creator of ESPN’s X-Games, producer and creative
director for MotoGP spectacular Fastest narrated by Ewan McGregor
(one of my very favorite actors) and aforementioned Emmy Award
winner for ESPN’s Hawaiian: The Legend of Eddie Aikau, applies his
iconic style to big waves and their surfers.
What will we learn?
Rumor has it that the Big Island’s own Shane Dorian will
announce his retirement, Keala Kennelly will speak to her bi-polar
diagnosis and Billy Kemper will recount the harrowing Morocco
accident wherein he almost perished but this time not long and
drawn out into five episodes.
Short and to the point, the way better stories are told.
We will also see Kai Lenny risking life and limb, swimming into
the impact zone in order to fetch a loosed tow board just so no one
else will be able to learn his dimensional secrets. What’s he
hiding?
Mark Zuckerberg?
Find out tomorrow.
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Listen: Calls grow for ex-professional
surfer Matt Wilkinson to justify his bald-faced cultural
appropriation of country music and the country music
lifestyle!
By Chas Smith
Wonderbread.
I have absolutely no doubt that you have been
following along with the controversy surrounding reality tycoon
Kendall Jenner and her dressing in “migrant chic” in order to sell
a new tequila. Critics were quick to point out the tequila is
integral to Mexican culture and the Jenner is stealing “the look
and feel of poverty” for her own selfish gain.
According to The Hill, “This
isn’t the first time Jenner has been accused of cultural
appropriation or tone deafness. In the past, she has worn her hair
in cornrows, sold vintage tees with her face superimposed over
those of Biggie and Tupac and appeared in a Pepsi commercial about
police brutality where she ends protests by offering an officer a
Pepsi.”
Troubling.
Equally troubling, though, with a growing number demanding
answers, is Matt Wilkinson’s bald-faced cultural appropriation of
country music and the country music lifestyle.
Also, his literal tone deafness.
Days ago, the ex-professional surfer released a short music
video that appeared to adopt objects or elements of a non-dominant
culture in a way that didn’t respect their original meaning, give
credit to their source, and reinforces stereotypes also
contributing to oppression.
Country music and lifestyle fans, initially thinking the piece
was homage, snapped their fingers along to the 4/4 time until
quickly realizing it wasn’t homage, but rather parody, and became
sad.
Wilkinson is yet to respond but should be held to account
publicly across social media.
White on white violence is still violence.
David Lee Scales and I discussed this, Malibu Karen and how the
World Surf League should launch a Master’s Division wherein Nathan
Hedge can win groceries for a month.