VAL-pocalypse: In nightmare surf scenario, former first daughter Ivanka Trump nearly decapitates young son with waterlogged soft top in Miami!

The horror, the horror.

The world held its collective breath yesterday afternoon when images leaked out showing vulnerable adult learner, and former first daughter, Ivanka Trump nearly removing the head from her five-year-old son Theodore’s body with a very thick foam surfboard whilst taking a lesson in South Beach near Miami.

You must click here to see yourself the full gallery as, after much discussion, it has been deemed too disturbing by BeachGrit‘s editorial staff.

Also the Daily Mail is entirely litigious. Near Stab ed. Ashton Goggans level of police calling.

According to that same prosecution-happy though still august Daily Mail:

The 39-year-old was seen hitting the waves with her three children – Arabella, nine, Joseph, seven, and Theo, five – on Sunday, however it was far from smooth sailing for the former First Daughter, who suffered several tumbles during the session, as well as a scary collision with her younger son.

Thankfully, the youngster appeared unharmed, and proud mom Ivanka was later seen waving her hands, clapping, and flashing a thumbs up while watching her kids conquering the ocean on their own boards, all while under the watchful eye of several instructors.

Those several instructors should each be ashamed of themselves both for being surf instructors and for presiding over such an ugly show.

If you do not want to click to see yourself the full gallery, Ivanka is wearing yoga pants and a blue hooded sweatshirt.

Inappropriate at any beach outside Saudi Arabia.

Do you think the near decapitation was purposefully orchestrated by deep state lackeys?

More to the point, are surf instructors collaborators in the VAL-pocalypse?

Much to ponder.

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Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

OK, it’s a coffee

channelbottom
channelbottom
5 years ago

I’m glad Caio got the stickers, but I must admit that I really don’t like the design. It’s a very weak and cluttered logo.

OccysBong
OccysBong
5 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Is some cunt gonna own up to that shit or what?

Otto
Otto
5 years ago

Yes.
“I think he has been wrong on nearly every major foreign policy and national security issue over the past four decades,” former Defense Secretary Robert Gates says of Vice President Joe Biden in his new book coming out later this month. Gates’ assessment of Biden’s boss is only slightly better, depicting an Obama administration with very murky lines of communication on military issues.”
From The Atlantic 2014

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
5 years ago

Dumbocrats?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

That’s mine

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
5 years ago

Haha yes! I seen this yesterday and was wonder when it’d get the BG treatment. I’ll grab my popcorn and scroll down for the Otto vs John’s knee show.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

Trumps are now American Royalty.
The new Kennedy minus the death.
Thank god they didn’t show Michelle Obama surfing with her horse cock swinging around in the lycra.

J H
J H
5 years ago

I contend that there are only two nose jobs that have ever made a profound difference.

One is Ashley Simpson and the other is Ivanka.

Meanwhile…this story would have been better had their been some hysterical gay man chasing her down the beach telling how awful she is.

I guess you gotta be at JFK for that.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  J H

It killed Jennifer Greys career
They put her in a corner and left her there

J H
J H
5 years ago

She went from one of the most recognizable women in the world to completely ordinary.

OccysBong
OccysBong
5 years ago

Ghosted..

Snowbored
Snowbored
5 years ago

According to Otto and Kelly Ann Conway Ivana rips! She’s an amazing surfer! She was only riding a soft top because she was tired of her 5’10” pintail.! The instructor was an amazing person!
She didn’t run over her son, he asked her to do it!
Her kid loved it and it was a great experience for everyone!

If you want any more info you will have to talk to Rudy Giuliani.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  Snowbored

It’s Ivanka.

Snowbored: “Ivana rip like Ivanka!”

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

You never know. Maybe he knows something about the Grand Poobah’s ex.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

I always know. Except when Kelly does. Then he knows.

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Hmmm. I don’t know.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

I know you don’t.

Snowbored
Snowbored
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

I mean Ivanka! She’s great! Really great surfer! The instructor was great and a really good brand ! It was great that she ran over her son! Of course it’s the media’s fault for making it look bad. And Obama’s fault too!

@surfads
@surfads
5 years ago

Otto is it true this happened when she tried to go left?

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

The moment offered a learning opportunity for her son:
1.) When you encounter the Left, expect nothing but headaches;
2.) Anyone who is a regular person will find it awkward going Left. Best to leave it to the goofy mf’s out there;
3.) Pain is just weakness leaving the body;
4.) Smile kid. It could be worse. You COULD be a Democrat.

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Haha!

Snowbored
Snowbored
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

“A learning opportunity “!!!!

Alternative facts!!!

If Trump said the sky was green and shit tasted good you would believe it!

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago
Reply to  Snowbored

I’ve chewed peyote, it turned out good.

ricmatic
ricmatic
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

If one is not near the center, one is a weirdo.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Right on Ric!!

@surfads
@surfads
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Go right and it’s nothing but cutbacks

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

Yay, no more child abuse funding.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

Right back into your pocket. Where better to end up?

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

Legend status right there. Beat Otto to his own thought.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
5 years ago

Wodayameen by “are surf instructors collaborators in the VAL-pocalypse” ?
They started it, they’re the leaders of it, they run it, they rule it, they ARE the VAL-pocalypse, without them it would never have existed and without their continued VALeadership it would wither and die.
We need a Jihad on all surf instructors.
We need to wipe out all surf instructors.
We need to crush all surf instructors.
We can’t surrender in our efforts.
The people must rise up against them.
The VAL-pocalypse MUST be defeated.
If we band together and fight against them, the meek shall NOT inherit the surf !

Krypto Jackson
Krypto Jackson
5 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

The problem as Chas noted is that the instruction is poor. Surf Instructors need to teach – wetsuit on backwards, wax on bottom of board, etc. Increased misery will diffuse the VAL-pocalypse.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
5 years ago
Reply to  Krypto Jackson

Amen.

Preston
Preston
5 years ago
Reply to  Krypto Jackson

Exactly. It’s like when the wife asks you to teach her to golf. You hand her the 2 iron and tell her to have at it.

resumes.mvlhawaii@gmail.com
5 years ago
Reply to  Krypto Jackson

Most of the instructors here make sure to send the bfs/husbands/sugardads right into the shallowest part of the reef to incur Polynesian tattoos, Then get the chick into some fun ones. They get pretty lucky with that most of the time….

pitbarrelfrothrinsebrineshack
pitbarrelfrothrinsebrineshack
5 years ago

anyone ever seen a celebrity in the line up (not surf affiliated) ? I personally haven’t and frequently relish the thought of dropping in on the 1%, granted there are a good few silicon Vals around spots but I mean dropping in on some jerk off like Tom Cruise who thinks they are untouchable, I really just want to see their face of utter defeat as I paddle away pretending to ignore their existence but thinking to myself, “Fuck tom cruise, scientology doesn’t even surf and Isaac Hayes would still be alive if it wasn’t for those insufferable cunts”

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago

Our former PM dropped in on some poor lady at TiTree a few years ago. I would have liked to have done more than drop in on that prick. Like the guy who headbutted him in Hobart. Wouldn’t have needed to have been “6/10 drunk” to do it either.

https://www.theguardian.com…

https://www.abc.net.au/news…

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

The guardian
ABC
No wonder youre you

ricmatic
ricmatic
5 years ago

and no wonder you’re so foxy

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

News has ceased to exist.
It’s now just manipulative bullshit.

ricmatic
ricmatic
5 years ago

100%, as we used to say.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

It’s 110 %
Even maths is now fake

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago

Sure their news comes from a perspective, but while sometimes needing a grain of salt, it also seems to cover the real news in ways that affect me as someone who is still waiting for the blessed trickle down.

I genuinely tried to get a balanced view from the local news (Sunny Coast Daily and Courier-Mail), and The Australian, but pay walls and print-shrieking RWNJs wore me down. Even watched Sky News one day, but didn’t last more than about 10 seconds. The first story was a whine about how a historically factual statement by other sources was fake.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

Enjoy!!
I can’t stomach any of it.
Let me know what’s goin on.
My mate just had a multiple hundreds of thousands cancer invoice paid by us all, us taxpayers, he’s grateful for that torrent, hardly a trickle.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago

Well, you know I’m on the redistribution of wealth bandwagon, so I’m happy your mate got a bit. It’s more the torrent going to Gerry Harvey, Gina, et al that gets my goat.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

Yes, system not perfect.
However system allows you to invest and enjoy benefit from said greedy companies.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago

If I had anything leftover to invest. Sure.

ricmatic
ricmatic
5 years ago

Lock her up. Lock her up
Just practicing

Laird's performance mushroom
Laird's performance mushroom
5 years ago

Spot could use a little more seaweed

Otto
Otto
5 years ago

You’re right about one thing. The Left are a disease.

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Where does anyone refer to a disease? Just want to make sure credit is given where it is deserved.

Krypto Jackson
Krypto Jackson
5 years ago

This is great surf instruction. I love the part where the son is instructed sternly, yet violently, why he and other beginners should never try to go surfing again.

Pat V Mann
Pat V Mann
5 years ago

thin out the herd

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
5 years ago

Almost one less shady future Kushner.

J H
J H
5 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

Considering what’s going on in Israel right now maybe the world (and the Biden admin) could use a few more Kushners.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  J H

The video of Israel’s Iron Dome defense system at work was incredible.
As soon as Biden resumed funding to the Palestinians, we get a Hamas claim of the largest rocket barage (130) they’ve ever fired upon Israel.
Biden’s Administration is an abject failure. Just like Gates said, Biden has been on the wrong side of every foreign policy issue. Biden batting average still intact.

J H
J H
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Who would have thought that bringing back all of the Iran apologists (save for Benny Boy Rhoades) would have emboldened Hamas?

I mean…has John Kerry ever stopped advising the Ayatollahs?

Emirates Airlines is getting ready to start service to Tel Aviv thanks to agreements since during the last administration and this administration is enabling a shooting war.

Mapski
Mapski
5 years ago

If only this story merged with a fatal shark encounter…

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
5 years ago

She wore that outfit because she was tired of her dad jerking off to her bikini pics

Otto
Otto
5 years ago

She’s raised a tough kid who can shake off a strike to the head. Good on her.
More impressive than the soy boy mouth breathing gender confused cry over a broken nail fuckwits raised by Lefty parents.

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Have you tried Risperdal ? Helps with the tics and uncontrollable outbursts.

Mapski
Mapski
5 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Will it turn off the newsmax feed that controls his thoughts?

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Did you have to look at your prescription bottle to get the spelling right?

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Every so often you should try to embrace the ridiculousness of some of the things you say. That’s all.

Dung beetle
Dung beetle
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Yeah those trump kids sure are good tough blue collar types!
You’re trying too hard Otto

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  Dung beetle

Tough is tough. Didn’t say blue collar. Why don’t you take that dress off your son and tell him to man up.

Dung beetle
Dung beetle
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Shouldn’t you be at a child rape party with your buddy Matt gaetz?

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

oh dear, i feel so seen.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Excellent trolling Otto. You know your fanbase well.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

I try. If only I could parlay this into a Moderator gig, then I’d know I have arrived at the zenith of influence.

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Its a moderator circle jerk!

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

You’d know ya bully boy cunt.

Oooh my Scottsh BF is annoyed, ill ban Sam and hell love me even more!!
Fuk I’m tuff and resilient!!
And in LOVE!!!

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
5 years ago

I like that you think I care what one person thinks, it really shows how small minded you are. Xx

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Like away ya flautist

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
5 years ago

Btw, Some good commentary lately Bexy and a little less. Some positive changes in your life?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

I thought I’d knocked some decency Into you.
But you’ve dissapointed me again
I know I’m only one Brutus away from vanishing again.

Snowbored
Snowbored
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

That’s a good spin Otto right out of the “alternative fact” playbook. Instead of running her kid over she’s “raising a tough kid”.. That a good one! Keep em coming and you will be a spokesman for Trump in no time!

braziliangayjesus
braziliangayjesus
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

…dogwhistling much?


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