Thirty dollars per month to unlock myriad secrets.

Brother of US Olympian John John Florence joins controversial content subscription service “mainly used” by pornographic models and sex workers; promises “raw POV video”!

Dreams fulfilled for thirty dollars per month.

It’s Sunday, in Italy, my Dior suit is crumbled on the floor and it is time to pack and go. Yacht returned to Marina, Med moored in epic fashion, Josh slipping it right between a luxurious catamaran and a luxurious catamaran whilst seasoned captains watched leery then gave earnest nods of approval.

We had to ferry back to the island of Ischia, not nearly as chic, race to the hotel and change for a wedding we had been invited to crash.

Black tie and I was underprepared but at least my Dior is dark blue.

It was a lovely affair, setting sun, warm winds, a five-course meal followed by dancing to a live Italian band, featuring trombone, playing the best of Lionel Ritchie.

La dolce tutta la notte.

An exclusive affair but not as exclusive as OnlyFans, the exciting platform that has received much attention over the past few years for bringing stars directly to the people who want to see them unfiltered.

Famous members include the Coffey sisters, Chris Brown, Chyna Blac and now Nathan Florence, brother of John John.

Florence promises “raw POV video” and much more. 

Will you consider?

La dolce miglioramento delle abilità?

Hannah Ann Sluss, who once attempted to woo a Bachelor, will be injected into a cast featuring Luke Davis, Anastasia Ashley and more QS-to-low-QS surfers.

World Surf League to play matchmaker on The Ultimate Surfer, injecting castoffs from the popular Bachelor and Bachelorette series into The Surf Ranch!

ABC sets honey trap for surfers!

I watched the sun peek over Ischia, bathing the isle in pink, exactly at the same moment as steam rose from the Bialetti in the galley.

La dolce buon tempismo. 

We had anchored, overnight, in a delicate cove directly under a fine hotel and thermal spa where Andrew, the fine trunk maker, has a cousin getting married and we will drop him here.

I ambled down the companionway, poured a cup and swayed on the gentle rock.

Ah, love.

Is there any finer thing in this whole glorious world?

Michelin-starred meals, grotto swims in perfectly-temperatured water, heeling as the wind pushes forward, tiramisu after Michelin-starred meals are all wonderful things but nothing compared to love and especially the love of a radiant wife?

No there is not and I am the luckiest man in the world having that one thing and could happily survive on that one thing.

I suppose it is wonderful, then, that ABC television has revealed that former Bachelor, Bachelorette, stars will appear on this summer’s The Ultimate Surfer with the purpose of sparking this wonderful love.

Industry blog ScreenRant reports, “The show is about finding the best surfers, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be romance in the air,” and thus Mike Johnson, who was once in the running to be the Bachelor, and Hannah Ann Sluss, who once attempted to woo a Bachelor, will be injected into a cast featuring Luke Davis, Anastasia Ashley and  more QS-to-low-QS surfers.

Johnson has since written a book about his experiences.

Sluss has a robust Instagram presence.

Exciting and will one of our own find their soulmate while living in a trailer right off Kelly Slater’s eponymous artificial wave?

Will Kelly Slater himself be tempted?

La dolce tentazione?


"I'm taking a break indefinitely from the WSL world tour for my own well-being and that of my family." | Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms

Olympic gold hopeful and Pipe Master Julian Wilson makes shock decision to draw curtain on pro surfing career, “I’ll be found surfing the points at Noosa on my longboard!”

"I'm returning to my roots."

The Australian Olympian or Irukanji Julian Wilson has lit up Instagram with his shock decision to, well, not exactly retire he says, but draw the curtain on his pro surfing career immediately following the Olympics. 

Wilson, who turns thirty-four in November, is currently rated seventeenth on the tour after a pretty ordinary start to the year, two seventeenths, two ninths and a fifths.

It ain’t exactly the world tour year Wilson was hoping for before the window of opportunity closes for the class of 1988, which also includes South African Jordy Smith.  

“I’m returning to my roots,” Wilson told the WSL. “I’ll be found surfing the points at Noosa on my longboard and I will also be found chasing some fun high-performance waves around Australia. I have a few projects coming to life that I’m really excited about and I’m just really looking forward to take a step back for a little while.

Wilson has orbited the tour since 2011, was a rookie of the year, made Gabriel Medina cry when he beat him in Portugal in 2012, he beat Medina in the final of the Pipe Masters in 2014 and three years later beat Medina to win the 2017 Tahiti Pro. 

Whether or not he comes back as nears forty,  if there’ll even be a tour to come back to or if this sparks an exodus of pro’s from a fading tour, will be revealed over the next year or so.


Typhoon set to light up Japan’s waves for surfing’s Olympic debut, “John John Florence roof dragging on broken knee to gold?”

A typhoon brings proper, gorgeous barrels. Pipes throaty enough to give Brazilian Pip Toledo second thought.

Panic hit at five pm on the isle of Capri.

I had just stumbled across a Michelin starred restaurant in Marina Picola, after lunch, and thought, “We must eat there tonight,” so marched right in and made a reservation.

The problem?

Our dinghy was very low on gasoline and it was extremely unlikely that we’d be able to make it back to the yacht back to Marina Picola for dinner and back to the yacht again after. An emergency meeting was called and we all stood in the small sidewalk overlooking a beach club.

Andrew, who makes the finest boardshorts on earth, was tired and voted to nap on the Mediterranean fronting rocks. Nate and Josh, feeling the warm wind of fate, puzzled options. Micah, a longshoreman on his way to law school, was up for anything.

After a few minutes, it was decided we would take a cab to Marina Grande, get gas, cab back, then be set.

The other problem?

We left our jerry can in the dinghy but that issue could certainly be solved later. We hailed a convertible Fiat taxi, winded up the cliff and found a petit gas station with no cans.

After puzzling more, Nate went into a nearby shop, bought water bottles and we drank as much as we could, dumped the rest on deep purple bougainvillea then filled them with that precious gas.

The taxi ride down, in a different Fiat convertible, was marked by quiet head nods of triumph.

La dolce soddisfazione.

A deep sense of all things working out perfectly that International Surfing Association chief Fernando Aguerre may soon feel.

Rumor has it from shaper to the stars Matt Biolos that a typhoon just may be headed Japan’s way ahead of surfing’s grand Olympic debut mere weeks away.

Aguerre, who pushed so hard for surfing inclusion and also pushed hard for surfing to be in the ocean and not a wave tank, was making a serious gamble.

Chiba, the host region, has generally small waves in the summer, extremely small, maybe unsurfable to non-Brazilians but a typhoon?

Oh, a typhoon brings proper, gorgeous barrels. Pipes throaty enough to give Brazilian Pip Toledo second thought.

Certainly an already frustrated Japan will cop much damage, an expensive add-on to an expensive bill, but for Aguerre?

For the future of Olympic surfing?

John John Florence roof dragging on broken knee to gold?


A common sight on Australian beaches. Paramedics, cops, surfer on gurney.

Horror injuries of surfer mauled on arm by ten-foot Great White at Crescent Head revealed, “Everything was destroyed… His body as he knew it won’t return.”

"Unlikely to be any miraculous recovery."

The popular Sunshine Coast surfer Joe Hoffman, who was attacked by a ten-foot Great White at Crescent Head on July 5, ain’t one to complain.

In between thirty hours of surgeries, Joe told his ol boy Bill that he was “glad it was me and not one of the young kids out there.”

Surgeons expect Joe, who is twenty-five and whose arm was mauled from the wrist to his bicep, will, at best, only regain a limited use of his right arm, if at all.

“Everything was destroyed,” Bill told the Murdoch press in his only interview. “His body as he knew it won’t return.”

Leg nerves have been transplanted to his arm, a vein taken from a foot, a piece of artery replaced.

“Rehab is going to be lengthy and it’s going to ask a lot of questions of him. He’s got a big challenge in front of him. They’ve borrowed bits from all over his body (to repair his arm),” said Bill, adding his kid isn’t one for killing Whites,

“There is absolutely no shark hate in our family, Joe accepts that surfers enter their environment. We’re always aware of their presence and the risk of injury is slight. He was brought up in the surf 400m from our family home. People who don’t want to surf with sharks should go to a wave pool.”

A GoFundMe page set up to help cover Joe’s cost post-recovery, this being Australia costs ain’t as catastrophic as the US, has so far raised $61,000 with a seventy-k goal.