Gross.
As things happen on the Amalfi coast, my wonderful friend Josh left his sunglasses at a cliff-side restaurant called Atrani.
We had all shared a fabulous dinner the night before, low-warm seafood starter, various risottos and pastas, a chilled bottle of white wine then dinghied out to our yacht firmly anchored. The next morning, as the Italian sun rose and bathed the green-brown cliffs and and pink-yellow homes in splendor we stood on the deck and enjoyed except for Josh who stood and squinted.
After a quick search, it was determined that his glasses had been left at the restaurant.
A phone call confirmed and there we were dinghying to its base which had a rock pool just above the sea and various lounges on staggered rock decks. The pool manager did not wish for us to tie up and so I jumped into the cool blue with Euros clenched in my teeth to be used for ice.
That water is so remarkably clean and clear as to boggle the mind.
It is perfect water very much unlike the water off Los Angeles, which just received a massive sewage dump that officials did not inform the public for many hours leading to many happy beach goers unwittingly swimming in filth.
According to The Los Angeles Times, “The delay occurred even though officials from the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health, which is responsible for notifying the public, were at the Hyperion Water Reclamation Plant in Playa del Rey during the emergency discharge procedure that began Sunday evening and ended Monday around 4:30 a.m., according to interviews.”
Julio Rodriguez, a captain with the county Fire Department Lifeguard Division at Dockweiler Beach, told The Los Angeles Times that his brave men and women found out about the beach closure around noon — after seeing a county worker posting a sign on a lifeguard tower.
“That’s how we received official notification of the closure of the beaches,” he said, likely feeling sad about all the filth swimming that had occurred on his watch.
Los Angeles County Supervisor Janice Hahn, also likely feeling sad, released a statement reading, “What happened yesterday was unacceptable and irresponsible. We need answers from L.A. City Sanitation about what went wrong and led to this massive spill, but we also need to recognize that L.A. County Public Health did not effectively communicate with the public and could have put swimmers in danger.”
Gross.
I retrieved Josh’s sunglasses, in any case, and the waiter gave me two bags of ice free of charge.
La dolce vittoria.
I’m guessing your wife pays for your holidays Chas?
Pfffftttt – rookies. We shit all in our water here in FL on the daily. 2019-2020 was a 230m gallon sewage spill in SFL just for starters…
Sewage spill or just another Wednesday at the homeless camps on California beaches?
FL says hold my beer – https://www.theguardian.com…
And yet people are still flooding (pun intended, of course) FL from places like NY and CA….
Because RE is cheap and no state income tax. It’s a no brainer. People have been flooding here for years, you are just now hearing about it. Not really sure what you are arguing.
Uh…you were the one who tried to rationalize the CA shit show by dumping (pun intended) on Florida.
And since I live in NY and half of my family has moved to FL I know EXACTLY why people are moving there.
Where did I rationalize it?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Okay retard, you want to go there? FL has the same problems as CA, NY or wherever the fuck USA – and many worse. Homeless -all over the fucking place – you can’t swing a cat without hitting one. They go to warm states – duh. Sewage spills? Top us. Our waters are filled with shit. Manatees are starving because there is no more fucking food for them to eat. Native here – I’ve seen it all, so fuck all you NY assholes except Long Island. New Englander’s always welcome. Cunt…
How about you just go fuck yourself and spare us the drama of you being a bitch.
And when you’re done…go fuck yourself again.
You qotards are such a sensitive bunch, LMFAO…
Bro…Trump broke you.
Fucking shattered you into a million pieces.
Man up and stop being a bitch.
Looks like you are the one who is broke ha ha
I’m not the one whose screen name references Trump.
Man up, buttercup.
It was a joke in response to another commenters name, which I notice they have now changed back.
I am just here for the shit talk! Looks like my name needs to be changed back to CovidiotsRule – have to capture the moment. They are about to start dropping like flies here again in the good ‘ol FLA.
After the last 90 times that everyone was wrong about the imminent demise of Florida what makes you think this time it’s going to be different?
Hi – CA beach town dweller here. Way rather the homeless than the hopeless wealthy 2nd home-owning cunts that have fucked many a local beach neighborhood to bits.
bingo
What exactly is your definition of “fucked?”
I mean…I’ve worked in Manhattan for years and the last thing I enjoy is keeping an eye on every psychopath shitting on the street, stinking up Penn Station or threating to hurt people.
by fucked, i mean “FUCKED”
Proximity to filth goes hand in hand with living in SoCal. At least it’s hot there and a drought is in effect.
Please choose Dockweiler RV Park for your next glamorous getaway, Chas.
Glad to see that Beachgrit can afford to send you to the Riviera. Who said there’s no more money in the Surf Press?
There is poo everywhere, check out the recent Golleta Verde’s findings from the Lazio coastline 💩
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Poor Josh…
If we were still doing SURFER Mag I would start a rumor that Kelly Slater is a vampire.
Look at his chick! She’s so slender! He’s draining her!
And then there’s this for a digital camera company.
DIGITAL VAMPIRE AD IDEA – JUNE 15, 2011
EXT – A SUBURBAN HOUSE, LIT UP FOR CHRISTMAS – NIGHT
A “colony” of six or eight bats are flying toward a nice family house, with Christmas lights glowing. It looks to be around midnight.
The bats are flying crazily, but there is menace in how they approach.
They aim for the chimney and then dive straight down the chimney without slowing down.
CUT TO
INT. – THE DARK CHIMNEY OF A HOUSE – NIGHT
There is a brief shot of the bats flying down the chimney.
There is colored light glowing at the bottom.
CUT TO
INT. – THE LIVING ROOM OF A HOUSE – NIGHT
The living room of the house is dressed for Christmas. A Christmas tree, lights, stockings over the chimney, presents under the tree.
There is a pause on the empty room, which is still and quiet. This is Christmas eve.
The stillness is broken by the flutter of bats flying out of the chimney. Magically, they all transform into vampires. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight YOUNG, SEXY, TWENTY-SOMETHING VAMPIRES: three or four male vampires and three or four females.
They are stylish and chic and sexy, because vampires are sexy.
There are now a “colony” of vampires standing in this Christmas eve living room. They don’t make a sound, but their senses are tuned. They look about, then all look in the same direction. The camera pans fast in the direction they are looking.
CUT TO
INT. – THE BEDROOM OF THE HOUSE – NIGHT
MOM and DAD are fast asleep, and because this is Christmas Eve and excitement is high and security measures are in place, TWO CHILDREN are asleep in the bed with mom and dad.
There is a boy and a girl, and the parents have string tied to the kids, so the kids can’t get up early and check out the presents.
The humans are sleeping soundly, unaware there arevampires in their living room.
BACK TO
INT. – THE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The vampires have sensed the blood-laden humans sleeping soundly. They look at each other, grin at each other maliciously, and move toward the bedroom.
It is Christmas Eve and these vampires are going to make a meal of these innocent people. This is a Christmas ad?
A PRIMPING VAMPIRE walks by a mirror and tries to fix her hair. Somehow she has forgotten that vampiresdon’t reflect in mirrors – but she reminds us. And also reminds us that vampires don’t show up on film cameras.
She makes a sad face. She can’t primp. Sometimes it sucks to be a vampire.
A GOOFY VAMPIRE tries to console his friend. He makes a face at the mirror and doesn’t reflect. He helps the Primping Vampire with her hair and gives her a thumbs up.
The lady vampire smiles and feels better.
The other vampires are getting angry, because these two are goofing off and holding up their evil mission.
CUT TO
INT. – A BEDROOM OF THE HOUSE – NIGHT
Back to the sleeping family for a moment. They haven’t moved and are blissfully unaware of the vampires headed their way.
BACK TO
INT. THE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The main group of vampires look angry. They are looking away from the victims and back toward the Goofy Vampireand the Primping Vampire.
The Goofy Vampire is holding up the show. He walks by the Christmas tree and all the presents, and finds A CAMERA on a table. He picks up the camera and begins clowning around with it.
The Primping Vampire gets in on the act and she starts doing model poses as the Goofy Vampire does exaggerated fashion photographer poses.
The other vampires are getting really angry, as these two are breaking protocol.
The Goofy Vampire turns toward the group and just then, the camera lets off a big FLASH! The Goofy Vampire has touched a button and activated the camera.
Now the other vampires are really angry because they don’t like bright lights, and the lights might have taken away their element of surprise.
The Goofy Vampire is standing with a camera in his hand, looking apologetic and a little worried. How do vampirespunish vampires?
The Goofy Vampire is ready to behave himself. He looks at the camera as he is replacing it on the table, and then he sees something that shocks him:
VAMPIRES SHOW UP ON DIGITAL CAMERAS!!!
Goofy Vampire is amazed. He shows the photo to the Primping Vampire and the others and now they are shocked and delighted too.
These vampires haven’t seen themselves in centuries.
The photo is bad, because they are all reacting to the flash, shielding their eyes and they don’t look good.
It’s important to vampires to look good.
But Goofy Vampire fixes that. He goes back to fashion photographer mode and starts taking pictures rapid fire. The other vampires get into it: They haven’t seen what they look like for centuries.
The vampires are now all goofy. They are goofing off and posing and hanging from the ceiling and doing all kinds of shtick. They look at the photos, check themselves out, and do more poses.
The vampires have forgotten their evil mission, and now they are having fun with this digital camera. Seeing images of themselves for the first time since they became vampires: centuries!
CUT TO
INT. – THE BEDROOOM – NIGHT
From the bedroom, there are now camera flashes leaking around the edges of the door. The vampires are apparently making noise too, because the two children wake up.
They look toward the door, see all the flashes, and look at each other.
They aren’t afraid. It’s Santa!!!!!
The kids get out of bed without waking their parents.
BACK TO
INT. – THE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The vampires have completely forgotten the blood-laden humans. They are fully into the photo session. Goofing off, posing sexily, checking out the digital images of themselves and posing some more.
Maybe one of them has “red eye” in the photo, from the flash. They try to fix the problem, but no, that’s what avampire’s eyes look like in photographs: blood red.
All of a sudden, the posing just stops. The vampires all look toward the bedroom, and the two children are standing there.
What was goofy and happy is now tense. The children were expecting to see Santa, but they don’t know what to think of these sexy vampires goofing in their living room with the family camera.
The vampires are reminded they are there to feed on human blood.
The scene is tense. Will the vampires now attack the children?
The Goofy Vampire breaks the tension. HE HANDS THE DIGITAL CAMERA to the children.
The vampires now pose in a group as one of the children aims the camera.
Maybe there is a close-up on the viewfinder of the camera, to show the controls and options available. We see thevampires posing through the viewfinder. They are nudging and primping and trying to hog the photo.
THERE IS A FLASH and when the scene clears, the kids are standing alone in the living room, looking toward the empty room. They can now see the chimney, and the stockings hung with care.
The kids move toward the chimney and maybe they try to look up into it.
CUT TO
INT/EXT. – THE CHIMNEY TO OUTSIDE– NIGHT
Now we are with the colony of bats, flying up and out of the chimney and away from the house. Their flight is even more erratic and crazy now. These bats just had fun.
BACK TO
INT. – THE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
In the living room, we see the two kids, who still are wondering what just happened.
PULL BACK TO SHOW
The parents are now standing there, looking as angry as thevampires when Goofy and Primping Vampires broke protocol.
The kids have broken the Unwritten Law and got up before the parents to check out the presents.
The parents look angry, then one of the children holds out the camera, to show evidence of why they are in the living room.
They have proof, on digital. It wasn’t Santa.
CUT TO
EXT. – OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE – NIGHT
The vampires are flying away, leaving the house trimmed with lights, which is one house in a nice neighborhood of houses dressed for Christmas.
QUICK CUT TO
TITLE: _________ CAMERAS: CAPTURE THE MAGIC
AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT
Shit, do you know how long it took me to scroll past your post!
I wonder how much did your euro plane trip cost, from Aus return it would be about $30,000 coach and no guarantees
You can leave anyway Bexy, Gladys and Scotty from marketing said so.
I can?
shit happens