Giant “mutilated shark alien” spotted lurking off coast of Southern California causing much consternation and hand-wringing amongst SUP community!

The end of the world?

There are many odd creatures on God’s blue earth but many none odder than the ocean sunfish or mola mola. Considered the heaviest boney fish, it looks like it is missing its entire body, just head and tail and is found in tropical waters or, apparently, off the coast of Southern California where one caused much consternation and hand-wringing amongst the SUP community.

Two paddled out to examine what they first thought to be a “mutilated alien shark.”

“He’s as big as your board,” one said to another before giggling.

Odd.

Jonah Hill-esque.


The "Surf Jew” sticker on his surfboard and hoodies serve as an ironic punch in the nose to Malibu’s traditional Nazi-punk culture.

Malibu strongman and perennial Academy Award nominee Jonah Hill offers fans the chance to win wildly rare “Surf Jew” hoodies, “We’re going for the Jew Tang Clan”!

“I’m a nice Jewish boy,” says Hill.

The man who put the V in VAL, Jonah Hill, famous for his comedic turns in a series of box-office hits including Get Him to the Greek where alpha rock star Russell Brand shelves his bag of heroin inside Jonah’s ass and as the nebbish Seth in 2007’s Superbad, is offering fans the chance to own one of his wildly rare “Surf Jew” hoodies.

Hill’s Jewish bona fides are tight.

He was born Jonah Hill Feldstein to Richard Feldstein, the tour accountant for Guns N Roses and appeared on the cover of Heeb magazine, issue fourteen, in 2007. (Hill is holding a bagel smeared with anal, or vaginal, lubricant and talks of his “Jew Pack” or “Jew Tang Clan” of fellow Jewish actors.)

Hill, who turns thirty-eight in five days, is a surf veteran of two years and recently became a Malibu local after buying a nine-million dollar house there. The “Surf Jew” sticker on his surfboard and “Surf Jew” hoodies serve as an ironic punch in the nose to Malibu’s traditional Nazi-punk culture popularised by Miki Dora, Greg Noll and co.

Body positivity issues, or maybe cruelty to VALS, are referenced on the back off the hoodie with the slogan, “You deserve to be treated with love and respect.”

Anyway, hit Instagram, see if y’can join the gang.

 

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Ordem Progresso.

World Surf League shocks media watchers by inking stunning two-year deal with largest commercial television network in Latin America; celebrates by tooting racist dog whistle!

"Passionate."

Professional surfing has turned a gorgeous shade of green and yellow, over the past decade, with much order and progress following. Fit surfers doing much workout on Instagram. Mind-bending airs that could not have even been dreamt ten years ago.

The future is Brazil made even more certain, yesterday, when Santa Monica’s World Surf League inked a stunning two-year deal with TV Globo, the largest commercial television network in Latin America and the second largest in the world, thereby shocking media watchers.

To be quite frank, I do not know if the two-year deal was “stunning” nor if media watchers were “shocked” but I do think it is worth reading the press release in full without skipping one jot or corp-tittle.

Today the World Surf League (WSL) announced that, beginning in 2022, Globo will be the official media partner in Brazil. The new three-year media deal will be effective from 2022 through 2024, providing multi-platform coverage that will be amplified on Globo TV, Globoplay, ge.com, and Canal OFF. This new media deal will give the passionate Brazilian audience the opportunity to watch the world’s best surfers in action, including all of the Brazilian athletes that are on the forefront of competitive surfing.

In addition to full coverage of the Championship Tour (CT), the agreement also includes linear broadcast rights to the Challenger Series (CS), the path to the elite tour, as well as Longboard and Big Wave events. Globo will also have distribution access to original content series and documentaries produced by the WSL. As the home of professional surfing, the WSL will continue to broadcast all WSL competitions on its own digital platforms, its free app as well as its YouTube channel.

“For the WSL, being part of Globo’s multi-platform coverage, which speaks to millions of people every day, is something that will increase the sport’s current visibility, both in the availability of surfing content and the opportunity to become even more familiar with all the athletes who are part of the current generation of champions, as well as the up-and-coming generations, which are also exciting and very promising,” said Ivan Martinho, General Manager of WSL Latin America.

“The market has shown that surfing is already amongst the most loved sports in the country and has the highest number of active surfers in Brazil. The fact that it is now among the select group of sports that Globo chooses as part of its platform is a source of great pride for the WSL. I am sure that the increase in visibility to surfing will be very important in the construction of today’s surfing idols while providing a springboard for the idols of tomorrow,” concluded Martinho.

While providing greater visibility of professional surfing to a larger audience on free-to-air, premium, internet and streaming platforms, the Globo Group will use all of its experience by supplying broad coverage across all its platforms to bring a unique perspective and outreach to the sport of surfing and to the Brazilian athletes, who are a vital part of the WSL surfing elite.

Isn’t calling the Brazilian fanbase “passionate” a racist dog whistle?

I’m 99% sure it is.

Shame on Santa Monica.


Beloved nonagenarian actor Dick Van Dyke shares incredible story of falling asleep on surfboard and drifting out to sea: “I looked around and I started paddling with the swells, and I start seeing fins swimming around me. And I thought, you know, ‘I’m dead!’”

But was it all a dream?

The much beloved actor Dick Van Dyke turned 96 years young, yesterday, and wow. Van Dyke made a name for himself in musical theater before gracing the silver screen, playing unforgettable characters like the chimney sweep in Disney’s Mary Poppins and Dick Van Dyke on “The Dick Van Dyke Show.”

Wonderful and in honor of his birthday, delightful stories from the past near century are being unearthed including this one:

While chatting with Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show in 2010, Van Dyke, then 85, said he’d once enjoyed surfing. But when Ferguson asked if he still caught waves at that point, Van Dyke told him, “No, not anymore.”

He said he used to paddle out on a 10-foot longboard and had a preference for the cold waters of the east coast — specifically Virginia Beach.

“I went out once and I fell asleep on that board,” he shared. “I did! And I woke up out of sight of land.”

But the story gets even more incredible. Van Dyke said, “I looked around and I started paddling with the swells, and I start seeing fins swimming around me. And I thought, you know, ‘I’m dead.’”

“They turned out to be porpoises,” he concluded. “They pushed me all the way to shore. I’m not kidding.”

Well I have never heard anything so surreal. Have you? Also, have you ever fallen asleep on a surfboard? In cold water?

Incredible.


Brazilian big wave stud Pedro “Scooby” Vianna blows doors off minds of mainstream press with “mega monstrous” ride, lovable post-heat interview at Nazare Big Wave Challenge!

A star is born.

The TUDOR Nazare Tow Surfing Challenge presented by Logos Santa Casa has now officially wrapped, sun dappling bigger and bigger waves with gold, exhaust fumes swirling in the still air. There were six 50-minute heats featuring three teams of six surfers. To the surprise of no one, Kai Lenny and his partner Lucas Chianca took it for the boys while Justine Dupont handled the women’s side though it was Pedro “Scooby” Vianna who captured the imagination of the mainstream media.

“Pedro Scooby RIDES MONSTROUS WAVE… Insane Video!!!”

“Pedro Scooby surfs MASSIVE wave at Nazare and somehow the post-wave interview was even better!”

“Pedro Scooby is the HERO for OUR FRACTURED TIME!”

And even though the mainstream media is convinced that his name is “Pedro Scooby,” Vianna was the clear winner and has much upside moving forward.

Buy low, sell high.

Watch here.