Wright (pictured) hacking.
Wright (pictured) hacking.

Two-time World Champion Tyler Wright opens up about surfing Pipeline in candid new interview: “It’s a f*cking sausage fest!”

Jonah shouldn't go.

The dawn of the World Surf League’s 2022 Championship Tour is but hours away with its kickoff at the world famous Banzai Pipeline. The iconic wave is nothing new for the men, it having been a mainstay, the Proving Grounds, for decades but the women will also paddle out this year to the thrill of all.

Last year, you may recall, their Maui Pro was shifted to Pipeline after a shark attack. This year the full event will run in the shadow of Volcom’s famous stone but what is the temperature amongst competitors? How are they feeling?

Two-time World Champion Tyler Wright opened up about the opportunity to Pipe in a candid new interview with the august Sydney Morning Herald, telling the paper that she hasn’t surfed it since she was sixteen and let us peek our noses right in for more.

“It’s annoying, frankly, it’s dangerous (out there). I get over it, but when it comes to physically matching the men I don’t want to fight ten guys. It’s obviously a f—ing sausage fest. That’s fine, it is what it is, but at times it’s annoying. Honestly, we can catch the waves, it’s just that we don’t get the practice competing with 150 guys. It’s the most competitive lineup, it’s a gnarly slab, there are lots of different angles. It’s a unique wave. The more people out there, you’re not sitting in the spot you want to be in. You can’t sit in the right spot because it’s so competitive you’ll never get a wave. It is dangerous. I respect the people who put in the time here. I’m sure they see every kook in the world come here and try and surf it. There are always people out there who shouldn’t be out there. That’s dangerous, they’re jeopardising our lives. That’s why I understand that it’s important to have a heavy and respectful local presence. It’s not us that have to worry about it, it’s the local lifeguards that have to pull those guys out. Some people just shouldn’t go.”

And how refreshing is that hot take?

How wonderfully honest?

Jonah Shouldn’t Go.

A new bumper sticker?

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Andy King, far left, with Gabriel Medina and Yasmin Brunet. | Photo: WSL/Cait Miers

Wildly successful coach of Gabriel Medina and Mick Fanning to take lead role in resurrection of Australian competitive surfing!

“Coaching is a bit of a fucking magician show. I wanted to see if there’s any value in coaching, that it had any grounds, that it wasn’t a farce.” 

Ain’t no secret that Australian competitive surfing is at its lowest point in history, no genuine title contenders, no teen freaks coming through the ranks, the country’s only bauble a bronze medal from the Tokyo Games. 

And this, despite the government millions thrown at Surfing Australia, the funnel through which potential champions are poured through via regional contests etc. 

All of that is set to become a memory now that Andy King, the personal coach of Gabriel Medina and Mick Fanning, has been appointed head coach at Surfing Australia. 

Andy is the Australian pro from Cronulla who lost his hearing after a street fight in 2004; a hard-charging goofyfooter who grew up with an alcoholic pops (Andy kept a knife under his pillow for protection) and who shifted to surf coaching after his tour comeback was stymied by his deafness.

He was intro’d to Medina by Mick Fanning at a time when Medina’s life was going through rapid change, the estrangement of his family, a new wife and so on. 

Medina’s shaper said King’s arrival stilled Medina’s emotional state, elevated his performance.

Cue: a world title at a canter.

Two years ago, King, who had the feeling that coaching high-level pro’s was all smoke and mirrors (“Was I just security to make their life easier? I didn’t know,” he says), turned a Russian synchronised swimmer into a shredder in eighteen months.

“Coaching is a bit of a fucking magician show,” he says. “I wanted to see if there’s any value in coaching, that it had any grounds, that it wasn’t a farce.” 

With the Paris Games two-and-a-half years away, and with the surf event being held at Teahupoo, King is gonna attempt to improve Australia’s medal haul, chasing silver, maybe gold.

“This (upcoming Olympic period) is the biggest stage in our sport, held at the biggest and best location in the surfing world. I’m so honoured to ride with the Australian team into this battle. Tahiti will truly showcase what our sport is all about and it is overwhelming to have this opportunity,” Andy said in the usual stiff press release. 

Not real sure who’s gonna snatch gold at Teahupoo, howevs, maybe Jackie Robinson? 

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New drone footage of massive Waimea illustrates surfing’s new normal: “With over 50 death-wishing surfers battling one another for each swell, it also provides an idea of just how crowded the sport has gotten, even on the heaviest of days in the most formidable of spots!”

Crowds, amirite?

Crowds, amirite? Covid has undeniably exploded surfing’s popularity though, I’ll be honest, I only thought it was at soft n’ easy breaks. Longboard spots etc. Jonah Hill’s backyard but new drone footage shot over the great Waimea days ago during a very large run of swell seemingly proves that crowds are, in fact, everywhere.

According to Drone DJ:

That vicarious two-part UAV footage was taken January 22, when waves were reportedly surging in at over 20 feet, and dishing out beatings the Honolulu Star Advertiser said prompted 53 lifeguard rescues.

But the educational utility – and, quite possibly, nerve-ruining effects – of the drone video isn’t limited to its close-up perspective of the so-called “fun” of taking off late on a two story-high Waimea wave. With over 50 death-wishing surfers battling one another for each swell, it also provides an idea of just how crowded the sport has gotten, even on the heaviest of days in the most formidable of spots.

The other thing it offers less daring surfers and non-paddlers alike is an idea of how tough it is to control an enormous drop while also avoiding the small army of people wallowing out front as they scratch frantically to get outside the giant incoming set. Whether you’re risking your neck for a slide down Mt. Liquid while navigating the human slalom run, or one of those who’ve made themselves floating human buzzsaw targets in front, the commonly shared fate of surfing Waimea in winter is ending up worse for wear under an avalanche of white water.

Were you out?

Thinking about going out during next swell?

Part of the problem or solution?

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“Ended up with 8 staples in the back of my head, 6 stitches in my chin, cuts all over my body from my shoulders, to my hips and lower body, all of which from the reef. The head injuries are always a major concern and something that is going to be looked into, since I did have a concussion but the most significant damage done was actually from my board. Underwater my board must’ve hit me pretty hard in the upper abdomen causing a laceration in my pancreas." | Photo: @jimhogan_

Hawaiian surf prodigy in bizarre, near-fatal wipeout at Pipeline, “North Shore lifeguards are the reason I’m alive!”

Board tries to rip out surf star's pancreas.

Eli Hanneman, the nineteen year old from Maui who surfs as if he was a wizard casting a spell, has almost died in a bizarre wipeout at Pipeline, his board reversing into his guts while his head and face connected with the infamous reef.

Eighties pro Jim Hogan snatched a sequence of the event.

 

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A post shared by Jim Hogan (@jimhogan_)

“Took a pretty bad spill out at Pipe Monday afternoon which put me in the hospital. I got pretty banged up but I believe God has had his hand on me through it all!,” Eli wrote on Instagram.

 

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A post shared by Eli (@elihanneman)

“I can’t thank @brodi_sale @northshorelifeguardassociationenough for saving my life, you guys are the reason I’m still alive❤️. I don’t have too much memory of what went down but if I didn’t mention anyone that helped me let me know so you don’t go unnoticed and unappreciated! I’m pretty strung out on drugs right now so I might sound fried but I’m just so happy to be alive.

“Ended up with 8 staples in the back of my head, 6 stitches in my chin, cuts all over my body from my shoulders, to my hips and lower body, all of which from the reef. The head injuries are always a major concern and something that is going to be looked into, since I did have a concussion but the most significant damage done was actually from my board.

“Underwater my board must’ve hit me pretty hard in the upper abdomen causing a laceration in my pancreas, which was causing significant pain to my stomach area. Luckily the doctors found that it was not something I needed surgery for and I was able to be operated through my stomach without surgery needing to be done.”

A who’s who of pro surfing, including Zeke Lau, Jamie O’Brien, Conner Coffin, Carrissa Moore and Kai Lenny dived into Eli’s IG to pay their respects, wish a speedy recovery, throw a few prayers etc.

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Surfing, dangerous.

Two-time Academy Award nominated actor and Matt Biolos lookalike Jonah Hill almost loses eye in wild surfing accident during Hawaiian vacay!

Malibu strongman and self-proclaimed "Surf Jew" punched in face by board.

The two-time Academy Award-nominated actor and body positivity activist Jonah Hill, famous for his comedic turns in a series of box-office hits including Get Him to the Greek where alpha rock star Russell Brand shelves his bag of heroin inside Jonah’s ass, has revealed just how close he came to losing an eye recently when his board punched him in the face.

In a post to his three-and-a-half million followers, Hill employed his legendary humour to explain the almost-blinding collision with his board while on a Hawaiian vacay with shredder girlfriend Sarah Brady.

“Surf Jew” Hill, who is thirty-eight, is a surf veteran of two years and recently became a Malibu local after buying a nine-million dollar house there. The “Surf Jew” sticker on his surfboard and “Surf Jew” hoodies serve as an ironic punch in the nose to Malibu’s traditional Nazi-punk culture popularised by Miki Dora, Greg Noll and co.

 

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A post shared by Jonah Hill (@jonahhill)

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