World Surf League wages all-out absurdist campaign of unrelenting positivism in wake of “blood feud heat of the century” pitting mortal enemies Moana Jones Wong against Tatiana Weston-Webb!

Another brick in the wall.

Mere days ago, at the dawn of the Billabong Pipeline Pro, I wondered if maybe, maybe, the World Surf League’s patented Wall of Positive Noise was beginning to crack. Students of professional surfing are well aware of the Wall, which the League began erecting soon after acquiring the Association of Surfing Professionals in 2012 for free. The only sentiments allowed, inside, are those unrelentingly cheerful, unfailingly cheery, even in the face of irrefutable truths otherwise.

Well, mere days ago, the League published, on its very own organ, a story lightly critical of Brazilian Filipe Toledo’s ability at Pipeline, writing, “It’s no secret that Pipeline is not Filipe Toledo’s strongest venue on Tour. While he’s arguably the fastest, most exciting surfer in the world in high-performance waves, there has been room for improvement when it comes to surfing heavy barrels like Pipe.”

A small break?

Small truths peeking through?

Toledo, for his part, proved the League very much correct by failing to paddle for decent waves on The Day of Days, earning a whopping 3.50 heat total and further cementing his reputation as the bravest coward.

But did sadness reign thereafter at the thought of hurt feelings?

Did one WSL staffer simply go off reservation?

Panic in the halls of Santa Monica that a situation had arisen needing to be immediately countered with an all-out absurdist campaign of unrelenting positivism?

Possibly and to whit: Yesterday’s historic women’s day two featured the “blood feud heat of the century” pitting mortal enemies Moana Jones Wong against Tatiana Weston-Webb. You certainly recall last year when Weston-Webb dropped in on Wong then proceeded to get “belted” both on land and Instagram as Wong unleashed a stream of insults including “if you have bad eyesight then don’t surf Pipe” amongst many others.

Well, in its wrap the World Surf League described the affair thusly:

On the other side of the draw, wildcard Moana Jones Wong continued to show the world why she’s considered one of the best women out at Pipeline. Dispatching longtime friend and one of last year’s Rip Curl WSL Finalists Tatiana Weston-Webb in the Round of 16 with her graceful tuberiding, she relished the underdog opportunity.

Longtime friend?

The Wall is back.

YouTube sensation’s novelty surf contest challenges Billabong Pro Pipeline for event of the year, “Next to a world title… it’s the most important title a surfer can bring home!”

For "savages" only.

While the WSL was running the Pipe Masters in nice sunny Hawaii, in New Jersey there was a running of the El Slammo Classic.

For those who are not familiar, El Slammo is a novelty wave in New Jersey made famous by Ben Gravy. He’s helped put together a contest there the last few years.

When the contest was green-lit, the weather, while looking cold, was sunny. The day of the contest was a different story.

A bomb cyclone was going through the area and conditions were sketchy, to say the least. I suspect the WSL would have postponed the event in conditions like that. Ben made the decision was to still hold the contest.

Some might question the decision of holding the contest, but there were still plenty of contestants who showed up and braved the conditions.

This is a far cry from the WSL and the idea of waiting periods and having pristine conditions to hold a contest.

The snow was deep and Ben got his van stuck and had to dig it out as he drove to the contest site.

Let’s see a WSL contestant or officials do that.

The prize money for the El Slammo Classic was all of around 500 dollars and bragging rights.

The WSL could learn a thing or two from the running of the Classic. Like once you decide a date for the contest, run it no matter what. I found watching the El Slammo Classic in these conditions entertaining as hell, a far cry from with watching an event in the good conditions of Hawaii.

The surfers who showed up were also just as involved and committed as those that were surfing Pipeline.

And I’d be curious to see how the professionals in Hawaii would have done in the conditions in New Jersey. Would they be up to the challenge?

Though the only thing now is to see which of the New Jersey contestants show up with pneumonia over the next week or two

Blood Feud heat of the century as Moana Jones Wong battles Tati Weston-Webb at Pipeline after “belting” her on beach last year!

Let's get ready to rumble!

There are plots and there are subplots but one of the best of all must be Moana Jones Wong vs. Tatiana Weston-Webb in today’s heat three (watch here).

Oh but you certainly recall last year when Wong punched Weston-Webb on Pipeline’s sand. Derek Rielly wrote at the time:

Much teeth gnashing over a drop in at Pipeline yesterday featuring local shredder Moana Wong and world number three Tatiana Weston-Webb.

Moana, who is twenty, a purple belt in Brazilian jiujitsu and one of the few gals who surfs Pipe for fun, belted Weston-Webb on the beach and used the words “stupid” and “bitch” to describe her interloper.

Shortly after, Moana used the microphone of Instagram to telegraph her displeasure at the event.

Much fun.

Many thrills.

Cryptocurrency mogul seeks to bar locals from area surrounding his Maui estate citing underage drinking; Hawaiians fight back : “Mr. Yantis is weaponizing environmentalism against indigenous gathering rights.”

There's a new Zuck in town.

The Hawaiian island chain, floating glorious in the very center of the Ocean Pacific, has long been a hot real estate opportunity for wealthy mainlanders looking for paradise. Swaying palms, coconut wirelesses, mai tai fun though land grabs often leave the local population bereft.

Take, for example, Facebook founder and world’s fifth richest man Mark Zuckerberg’s foil playground on Kauai cryptocurrency mogul Jonathan Yantis’ massive Maui spread.

Regarding the latter, Yanis, The Daily Beast is reporting, has become furious by noise made from locals congregating near his land and has attempted to put a stop to it by erecting official looking signs reading that the area was restricted to “natural sounds only” as there are precious seabirds nesting nearby along with a security guard.

The property, worth some $24 million and purchased in 2020, is one of ten estates Yanis owns around the world.

The move infuriated activists who staged a protest last weekend with lifelong Hawaii resident Summer Starr declaring, “It’s one of the last local spaces. I believe Mr. Yantis is weaponizing environmentalism against indigenous gathering rights.”

For his part, Yanis declares all the noise is coming due “underage drinking,” something he is beneficently trying to stop and that he is yet another victim of “cancel culture.” He told The Beast that the security guard is “Joe Aloha” and that “A lot of the local people really liked [the interventions]. They were grateful because it wasn’t like a gang of kids that were controlling the space anymore.”

Activist Kai Nishiki, who organized the protest, various much disagrees, saying the whole business started when Yanis’ people “accosted” her Native Hawaiian son, who was cliff diving, telling him that “Hawaiians aren’t special.”

He then removed a ladder that locals used to access the ocean.

Nishiki, anyhow, said the protest was completely peaceful and enjoyable for all.

Yanis countered, saying people “showed their asses on the camera and took shits on the front lawn.”

Big trouble on the Valley Isle.

More as the story develops.

Eye of the Tyler.
Eye of the Tyler.

Open Thread: Comment Live on historic Women’s Day Two at the Billabong Pipeline Pro!


The World Surf League declared, on its lightly trafficked website, that, yesterday, Pipeline went “haywire.” Doesn’t that seem a strange summation of clean-ish tubes growing into monstrous tubes later in the day? It wasn’t “haywire,” from my perch, it was near perfection, as far as entertainment went, described deftly by JP Currie here.

Well, more fun today. Historic fun as the women paddle out to finish the job Filipe Toledo couldn’t. Watch here or here. Comment below