Another brick in the wall.
Mere days ago, at the dawn of the Billabong Pipeline Pro, I wondered if maybe, maybe, the World Surf League’s patented Wall of Positive Noise was beginning to crack. Students of professional surfing are well aware of the Wall, which the League began erecting soon after acquiring the Association of Surfing Professionals in 2012 for free. The only sentiments allowed, inside, are those unrelentingly cheerful, unfailingly cheery, even in the face of irrefutable truths otherwise.
Well, mere days ago, the League published, on its very own organ, a story lightly critical of Brazilian Filipe Toledo’s ability at Pipeline, writing, “It’s no secret that Pipeline is not Filipe Toledo’s strongest venue on Tour. While he’s arguably the fastest, most exciting surfer in the world in high-performance waves, there has been room for improvement when it comes to surfing heavy barrels like Pipe.”
A small break?
Small truths peeking through?
Toledo, for his part, proved the League very much correct by failing to paddle for decent waves on The Day of Days, earning a whopping 3.50 heat total and further cementing his reputation as the bravest coward.
But did sadness reign thereafter at the thought of hurt feelings?
Did one WSL staffer simply go off reservation?
Panic in the halls of Santa Monica that a situation had arisen needing to be immediately countered with an all-out absurdist campaign of unrelenting positivism?
Possibly and to whit: Yesterday’s historic women’s day two featured the “blood feud heat of the century” pitting mortal enemies Moana Jones Wong against Tatiana Weston-Webb. You certainly recall last year when Weston-Webb dropped in on Wong then proceeded to get “belted” both on land and Instagram as Wong unleashed a stream of insults including “if you have bad eyesight then don’t surf Pipe” amongst many others.
Well, in its wrap the World Surf League described the affair thusly:
On the other side of the draw, wildcard Moana Jones Wong continued to show the world why she’s considered one of the best women out at Pipeline. Dispatching longtime friend and one of last year’s Rip Curl WSL Finalists Tatiana Weston-Webb in the Round of 16 with her graceful tuberiding, she relished the underdog opportunity.
Longtime friend?
The Wall is back.
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I’m thinking the wall of positive white noise coming from the traditional male surf promotion surfmedia about the women at pipe is……
Actually a deflection for the failure of MALE pro surfers in the lineup!
Has anyone seen Jordy? Is still out there?
Waiting….waiting…..
When people use the phrase “I seen you” or “I seen her” or “I seen it”:
It’s a vile use of grammar in the English language and immediately outs the speaker as white trash haole/trash Hawaiian/trash trash trash.
I noticed one of the Rothmans did it about 5 times on the webcast and was embarrassed for everyone involved in the production. Did that kid’s dad get him the job as a commentator?
the woozle should be setting up a pillow fight. they finally get their pay per view model they desperately want
That would have been hot. Hot Tuna even.
Guess that means it’s a “no-go” sending that damn okie E-Lo back to his sacred homeland then eh? Well that sucks.
* flying fists
…mo bettah.
How hard would it be for the wozzle to mic up slater with a water proof ear piece for the final with John John.. if it is to happen. Be interesting to hear his take and talk people through the heat. Way better than Strider’s babble from the channel. May be the last chance to hear what a clutch moment is like to experience for the goat in real time
That’s actually kinda awesome.
Yeah, earnest young men who just don’t appreciate silly schoolboy humour I guess.
Surfads was one, never heard of the other before.
They’re probably at home being all serious and practising their surf scowls.
Oh well.
P.S.
Not that I mind a few downvotes, it’s good to know ya making an impact…hehe
the wipeout queen!
with friends like that who needs drop ins?
Haha, like anyone worth their salt could be interested in women’s pro surfing.
Funny….
Dear Beach Grit Oligarchs,
May I please propose a proposal to confabulate and retabulate the contextual intricacies of the true sport as I see it.
Introducing: the World Blood Feud League.
A careful cultivation and relocation of rivalries across and encompassing a wide variety of venues and menus to strain one’s sinews.
Come for the hate, leave with a plate (lunch) of various flavours plus 3 scoops of rice.
Surfers in F1 cars, F1 drivers on rodeo bulls, UFC combatants baking cakes and Pastry chefs kicking fuck out of each other.
Basketball players sandcastling, CEOs tiddlywinking, Tiddlywinkers stand-up golf wanking and Writers sweating bricks whilst off-road toilet cleaning.
The WBFL will have it ALL.
What’s not to like?
The WBFL will advertise, agonize, alphabetise, analyse, authorise, bastardise, capitalise, carbonise, categorise, characterise, chastise, circumcise, civilise, colonise, colourise, compromise and computerise.
It enables bitter enemies to demonise, despise, digitise, devise, disguise, enterprise, excise, exercise, dramatise, equalise, finalise, fossilise, franchise, globalise, homogenise, hospitalise, improvise, incise and incentivise.
The WBFL can likewise, imperialise, institutionalise, materialise, maximise, mechanise, merchandise, optimise, organise, otherwise, oxidise, pasteurise, patronise, personalise, philosophise, polarise, popularise, pressurise, prioritise, privatise, publicise, realise, recognise, regularise, revise, revolutionise, specialise, standardise, sterilise, summarise, supervise, surprise, synchronise, symbolise, synthesise, tenderise, televise, terrorise, theorise, vandalise, and visualise all the potential Blood Feuds into one easy to digest media package available for consumption whenever and wherever you wish.
I humbly await your generous offer for funding a new lavish lifestyle for my pleasure based on this concept.
Warm regards,
Channelbottom
(Founder, Imagineer, Artiste, Poet – WBFL)
Sorry CB, but this sounds a lot like BG.
But yea, throw in a weekly wet T shirt contest and I’m in !
You gotta love Chas calling out Felipe as a coward.
Chaz makes jp Currie seem like Shakespeare
We all know it was Ross Williams who was blocking for Tati on that infamous drop-in day but Ross’s real blunder as a coach was reflected yesterday with his possible lack of schooling Betty Lou Sakura on critical late heat priority strategy.
I take nothing away from Isabella and give her huge credit. But after she lost priority on a non-make backdoor with 4:30 left on the clock, Sakura then regained priority with only a 3.30 point lead.
Instead of sitting right on Isabella, Sakura instead gave her complete free reign, letting Isabella snag the best backdoor barrel of the heat with 1:05 left. Sakura then caught a closeout left and lost the heat. Check the last 4 minutes of replay. Betty Lou makes no effort to challenge Isabella.
Who knows? Maybe Ross did emphasize this most critical lesson in late heat priority strategy and the rookie Sakura failed to understand the moment and/or underestimated Isabella’s cunning. I can’t think of a more important lesson a “surf coach” should convey. And I’m wondering if Ross isn’t the coach he thinks he is.
The whole show is full of incompetent retards. Surfers are by and large, uneducated peasants.
Hopefully Betty Lou will be more aggressive next time.
I can see the headlines now
…’Johnson has balls’…
You got it backwards as usual.
Moana is the entitled brat posting on social media that she didn’t get her way.
She got stuffed, instead of dealing with it maturely, she acted like a spoiled child
Are you the women’s tour designated apologist?
Are you a grumpy old man with a shitty sex life?
Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves, why don’t you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
What are Ross and Makua gonna say when the 2 girls finally get into a punch up on the beach?
I think they will offer guidance, as all good coaches should.
“KICK HER IN THE TITS”,”PULL HER HAIR” etc etc
I’ll pay you to downvote people for me.
I couldn’t get into that.
I could get into that wave, but certainly in an even less successful manner than the attempt pictured above, if that was possible. Think upsidedown and backwards.
I’d be eating reef right next to ya