And Kelly Slater survives sudden-death elimination heat!
On a scale of one to how-shit-is-windy-beachbreak, what was your enjoyment factor today?
It was a patchy kind of day. Scores and waves were hard to come by.
There was certainly swell in the water, but maybe a bit too much north in it and hence too much refraction.
Low tides to start the day didn’t help.
Statistical evidence of the wonky, slow start is bleakly provided by the fact that no surfer managed a double figure heat total for the first three heats of the day.
Let me clarify that: nine professional surfers competed across three heats and not one of them could manage a cumulative heat total of ten.
In fact, reader, allow me to espouse that further…
Today in its entirety there were 36 heat scores recorded, yet only 12 of those were in double figures.
Poorest heat totals of any event ever? That’s a deep stat I’d like to know.
In this context the performance of wildcard Afonso Antunes seems a little less…something. Just a little. I’m not even sure what to think of a professional surfer who doesn’t even paddle for a wave in a heat that lasted forty minutes due to a restart.
Think about that.
What sort of comparison could there be in other sports? A sprinter motionless on the blocks as everyone else crosses the finish line? A golfer, poised at the tee with driver in hand but never beginning the backswing?
“He really just needs to take off on something,” Shannon kept insisting from the booth, willing him on out of sheer embarrassment.
But he didn’t.
It was less rabbit in the headlights, and more corpse with rigor mortis.
The waves weren’t great, but the scoring did seem suppressed. Castrated, even.
I wondered if the judges were keeping their powder dry, expecting it to pump later in the day.
I remain confused about whether scores are scaled on a heat by heat basis or over the whole day? Early scoring would suggest the latter, but this seems far from consistent and even fluctuates within events.
Wakey, wakey, Richie…
We need an explanation.
As the competition went on hold I went back to the day job and lectured on the value of art. It was an introduction to a poem in which the speaker wrestles with his vocation and purpose.
What’s the point of art or creativity? I asked the assembled 16/17 year olds. Why might someone feel compelled to make art? Does it have any value?
And what is art…writing, film-making, graffiti, music, dance, sculpting..?
Is surfing art? I asked them, in a collision of ideas and vocations.
Some faces in the classroom showed glimpses of realisation and spark, and yet more were simply befuddled, wondering why the man in front of them was so animated about a fucking poem, and what on earth it had to do with surfing.
There wasn’t much art on show today in Peniche and few realisations, but perhaps one or two surfers questioning their vocation.
Lots of them were repping female tennis players. Of all the inspirational women in the world I was generally uninspired by these choices. John Florence and Ethan Ewing get a tick in my book for repping their mums. What more inspiring woman than your very own mother, or that of your children?
The ghost of Bobby Martinez was present and prescient today as the pundits discussed surfing’s tennis connections.
Parallels were mentioned, an individual sport, the bracket system, equal pay…
I noted another connection – the equality of inequality. So far this year the women do not get treated equally when it comes to wave quality, just as in tennis they play fewer sets than the men.
Why do the WSL hide from the fact that women don’t or can’t surf the same waves as men?
Should we acknowledge it?
Would it be regressive to point out the deficiencies rather than pretend they don’t exist?
I’m not looking to shame anyone here, but hiding from the truth seems like going backwards to go forwards.
Or is it? I’m honestly not sure.
I enjoyed Griffin Colapinto’s esoteric and labyrinthine explanation in justifying why he had Bethany Hamilton’s name on the back of his shirt.
“She, like, got her arm bit off by a shark…”
Caio Ibelli is on such a heater this year he thinks he’s an angel. Dressed in a white wetsuit like a messenger of god, he did a praying claim on a kick out after a head dip. I could be mistaken, but if the lord has bestowed power on a journeyman pro surfer, I can’t imagine his tolerance will stretch to claiming mid-twos.
I hope Slater looked at him with some derision today for stealing his circa 2003 style. Slater wore that suit mainly to fuck with Andy, of course, who hated it. Which is surely a better excuse than Caio has.
Kelly did some Kelly things as the day wound down, winning his elimination round heat with aplomb. As much as I rag on Slater, he’s as necessary to this competition as he is to this tour as he is to me.
The game is objectively poorer without him. I’m glad he’s still in the mix and I hope the weather for the next few rounds does everyone justice.
Does anyone understand the re-seeding for the round of 32, by the way?
How does Barron draw Jordy but Morgan Ciblic surfs against Connor O’Leary?
Kelly gets Caio, yet we’ve got Leo Fioravanti vs Jake Marshall?
It makes no sense.
All in all, not the most glorious day of pro surfing ever. I’d have to say teaching poetry this morning was far more stimulating.
The conclusions of the poem in question are ambiguous, as they so often are.
Yet it suggests that art is valuable even if it is appreciated by just one person.
Was it you who appreciated the art of pro surfing today?
MEO Pro Portugal Presented by Rip Curl Men’s Opening Round Results:
Heat 1: Jackson Baker (AUS) 11.70 DEF. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 11.10, Jake Marshall (USA) 6.00
Heat 2: Samuel Pupo (BRA) 14.60 DEF. Imaikalani Devault (HAW) 13.73, Kelly Slater (USA) 9.90
Heat 3: Owen Wright (AUS) 12.36 DEF. Seth Moniz (HAW) 9.66, Lucca Mesinas (PER) 9.43
Heat 4: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 16.17 DEF. Jadson Andre (BRA) 9.47, Vasco Ribeiro (PRT) 9.17
HEAT 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 8.20 DEF. Justin Becret (FRA) 6.23, Connor O’Leary (AUS) 5.93
HEAT 6: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 9.33 DEF. Callum Robson (AUS) 8.84, Afonso Antunes (PRT)
HEAT 7: Caio Ibelli (BRA) 8.20 DEF. Frederico Morais (PRT) 7.73, Conner Coffin (USA) 7.67
HEAT 8: John John Florence (HAW) 17.57 DEF. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 13.50, Matthew McGillivray (ZAF) 6.14
HEAT 9: Ethan Ewing (AUS) 12.27 DEF. Barron Mamiya (HAW) 12.17, Deivid Silva (BRA) 0.67
HEAT 10: Joao Chianca (BRA) 14.17 DEF. Jack Robinson (AUS) 11.60, Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 9.06
HEAT 11: Miguel Pupo (BRA) 7.67 DEF. Morgan Cibilic (AUS) 7.17, Ryan Callinan (AUS) 5.40
HEAT 12: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 11.67 DEF. Nat Young (USA) 11.20, Kolohe Andino (USA) 9.67
MEO Pro Portugal Presented by Rip Curl Men’s Elimination Round Results:
HEAT 1: Kelly Slater (USA) 13.10 DEF. Connor O’Leary (AUS) 9.17, Afonso Antunes (PRT) 2.00
HEAT 2: Lucca Mesinas (PER) 6.77 DEF. Conner Coffin (USA) 6.70, Vasco Ribeiro (PRT) 4.20
HEAT 3: Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.60 DEF. Jake Marshall (USA) 7.57, Matthew McGillivray (ZAF) 5.90
HEAT 4: Ryan Callinan (AUS) 12.87 DEF. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 12.73, Deivid Silva (BRA) 7.43
Upcoming MEO Pro Portugal Presented by Rip Curl Men’s Round of 32 Matchups:
HEAT 1: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Imaikalani deVault (HAW)
HEAT 2: Miguel Pupo (BRA) vs. Samuel Pupo (BRA)
HEAT 3: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Barron Mamiya (HAW)
HEAT 4: Morgan Cibilic (AUS) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)
HEAT 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Owen Wright (AUS)
HEAT 6: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) vs. Jake Marshall (USA)
HEAT 7: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Joao Chianca (BRA)
HEAT 8: Jack Robinson (AUS) vs. Callum Robson (AUS)
HEAT 9: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Justin Becret (FRA)
HEAT 10: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Frederico Morais (PRT)
HEAT 11: Ethan Ewing (AUS) vs. Nat Young (USA)
HEAT 12: John John Florence (HAW) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
HEAT 13: Seth Moniz (HAW) vs. Jackson Baker (AUS)
HEAT 14: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Lucca Mesinas (PER)
HEAT 15: Griffin Colapinto (USA) vs. Jadson Andre (BRA)
HEAT 16: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Caio Ibelli (BRA)
Upcoming MEO Pro Portugal Presented by Rip Curl Women’s Round of 16 Matchups:
Heat 1: Johanne Defay (FRA) vs. Molly Picklum (AUS)
Heat 2: Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) vs. Stephanie Gilmore (AUS)
Heat 3: Brisa Hennessy (CRI) vs. Courtney Conlogue (USA)
Heat 4: Lakey Peterson (USA) vs. Isabella Nichols (AUS)
Heat 5: Carissa Moore (HAW) vs. Bronte Macaulay (AUS)
Heat 6: Tyler Wright (AUS) vs. Gabriela Bryan (HAW)
Heat 7: Tatiana Weston-Webb (BRA) vs. Luana Silva (HAW)
Heat 8: Malia Manuel (HAW) vs. India Robinson (AUS)
Maybe a female athlete who sees an athlete go sprinting by and and think. Strewth that sheila’s a bloke.
McCoy Tyner on piano.
Fuck me sideways. I didn’t think it possible, but those write up are pretty entertaining. I doff my virtual cap. Now, if you could stop channeling your inner B__ M____ and not reply to every individual comment.
I really enjoyed both of Afonso’s heats. Maybe from now on I won’t have to hear everyone around here saying he’s gonna be the next big thing. He’s not and he won’t. He’s just another 3 foot hero that craps his pants whenever the waves get heavy. Kid just got back from 2 months in Hawaii and there isn’t a single shot of him at decent Pipe. Pyzel must be thrilled with his sponsoree.
Also, yeah the waves were pretty shitty most of day, fair assession. But then JJF paddles out and suddenly my (our?) perspective completely changes. It all comes down to the simple fact that there just isn’t enough talent on tour. Number of athletes really needs to be cut.
Sorry, I’m ranting. Thanks for the write up JP
Yeah I watched the same thing play out for years with Kelly. Waves garbage (supposedly) all day then Kelly gets out there and all of a sudden he’s getting deep barrel 9’s. After a while you come to the realization that the waves don’t just turn on for him, it’s that he’s making the best of what’s on offer what the rest of the field couldn’t do.
The only other Zero happen in Teahuppo with pumping waves..
Yeah, but at least we knew the reasons for that!
Oh shit…is it on!
Alfonso now moves into the esteemed company of Eddie the Eagle, and Eddie the Eel…
Afonso Antunes the Abstainer!
Eric the Eel!
But no, that’s sacrilege – those guys were fucking triers!
Pretty ballsy of Kelly to put Pammy Andersons name on the back of his jersey. Kalani must not be too stoked.
Incredible recording – sheer musical brilliance
It was so fucking bad that i tuned in for Quinoa and saw restart and turned it off
Alfonso got what a 2 in second crack – seriously!!
what the fuck are they evening competing in a wave there that yes can get epic – but its all geo political posturing of where they go to keep certain sponsors happy
events should be all in indo, hawaii, fiji and islands that can light up 250 plus days of the year – plus at least 3 search style events – think Martin Daly Marshall island stuff etc
If the product is then that good sponsors will pay and pay per view would work – they got it wrong for so long
I’d 100% pay for the tour you’ve described. So would many others. Plus the performance level would go up as well I reckon.
I think you’re overestimating the depth of sponsor pockets and willingness to dip into them!
Pretty sure they’re still in Portugal because the government (and the local mayor) see massive value in surf tourism. And probably Meo (who/whatever they are) are pretty dependable.
The real hero of the day would have been the surfer wearing the name of that UPenn swimmer “chick.”
The perfect statement for our times.
JP, there is no longer a true re-seed going into round 3. The wozzle’s spooks quietly disappeared the short-lived seeding round. (They even renamed it!) This year, the round 3 seeds now only change in relation to the four surfers who lose in round 2. So, they don’t change much. The math is simple–as long as you know the round 1 seeds. The problem with that is the big brains at the WSL, who for some truly inexplicable reason, don’t include the seeds with the round 1 heat draw. So, unless you’ve already memorized the round 1 seed arrangement, you’re going to be pretty fucking confused come round 3.
The other, even more mind-blowing issue at hand is the WSL’s outmoded seeding “formula,” as they generously like to call it. Barron Mamiya, for example, is #1 in the world after two events I’d call fairly epic, but he’s #28(!!!) in Peniche. #28!!!!!!! I feel slightly murderous at the thought of it. The WSL’s numerical outcomes are, as always, the product of surfers.
Some events will release an event draw pdf just before the event. It doesnt show names but does show seedings.
I think early in the year the seedings dont change much if at all because they count bad results as throwaways.
But its fucked for anything to do with betting or even surfival because rd 3 matchups are crucial.
This is excellent, thank you.
And all the more confounding when it comes to Barron! That’s an absolute travesty.
What is the formula anyway? I thought it was based on current ratings but it doesn’t seem to be. And it doesn’t look like last season year-end ratings either?
Outrageous that Barron and Caio are getting these draws when they’re ranked so high.
Is surfing art?
Surfing has been refered to in the past many times as an, “art form”, which is made by the artist solely for his ‘own enjoyment’, (one person), the art is even maybe ‘more valuable’ when there are no witnesses when the art is being created, (solo sessions).
I believe there is no art associated with pro surfing, and definitely, no soul, associated with this pursuit of ego.
You paint a compelling picture…but art it not…I think?
And the Wave– is the Canvas….me thinks…..
Afonso has a blank one.
Sam there’s a shit load of ego in every surfer be it comp or free!
Is there?
Me thinks not.
WSL need to wean themselves from the tit of tourism authorities. Peniche is utter shite and like some weird gulag out of place pros are sent to suffer for the good of the party. This whole contest just feels like an awkward downer.
It’s gotta be one of the ugliest beaches on the planet!
How dare you. It’s the one stop still on tour that I know and love!
JP, giving a lecture:
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Not true!
I’m very edgy and entertaining, honest!
Art is subjective, as is my taste in surf contests. I would take 3’ snapper over side shore, inconsistent Portugal anyway.
As every jazz musician knows – it’s the notes that you don’t play that count. Seems this Portuguese surfer believes it’s the waves you don’t paddle for that count!
If many competitors were challenged by the conditions and surfed poorly, JJF did not – HEAT 8: John John Florence (HAW) 17.57
Instead of prattling on about irrelevant crap related to your day job, perhaps you could tell us what he did and how he did it to score 17.57 for two waves, in conditions where many struggled to score over 10?
Thanks.
You would be better off watching a WSL highlight reel if that’s what you are after. Instead of prattling off on your inability to digest analysis, you should watch a recap
Still rockin the mask?
If you’re looking for a blow-by-blow account of actual surfing you might be in the wrong place. Likely plenty other places with that sort of fodder!
A writer paid to write about surfing, writing an article about surfing, published on a website about surfing – wow, that would be a stretch, wouldn’t it?
Here?
Yes that would be a stretch.
Ah you need a bit of spice to to make it interesting. I enjoyed Longtom’s pretentious quotes from Russian authors, I also enjoy JP’s ‘irrelevant crap’. I like that he asked ‘is surfing art?’ on a thoroughly ugly day of competition.
Though, yeah, a bit of JJ analysis wouldn’t go amiss.
Jordy rocked international hermaphrodites day. Good on him.
jaa! Semenya Caster must be one of the most complicated and difficult figures in women’s sports. She’s not unrefutably a women and she’s not doing women or feminists any favours at all by running in their events. Although Jordy could transition over to the fairer sex tour and blow it up for the next 10 years! Maybe that’s what he’s trying to say. Can’t wait for the shitstorm when the first good surfer identifying as a women barges into the women’s tour.
She also married a chick while dressed like a man. Sucks to be a hermaphrodite (I suppose) but when you have XY chromosomes and are competing against women, you’re a cheat.
From the post show all doctored up and sanitized it looked like a pretty good day. Kaipo’s look is getting more Jim Carey every event and I’m all for it.
he macked madonna