Elo on the offensive against hard-core surf fans and world champ!
It isn’t a stretch to describe Ain’t That Swell and its hardcore Swellian followers in the same way historians talk of the brave Apache, Aboriginal or Inca; the last remnants of a brave and brutal culture subsumed by something barren and unlovely and feeble and bland.
Colonialists, VALS, ain’t no difference.
During the taping of a recent episode at Torquay during the Bells Beach event, part of Ain’t That Swell’s epic Children of the Corn tour of Australia, Swellians welcomed WSL CEO Erik Logan with a volley of boos.
Show principal, Vaughan Blakey, a dignified and sincere man who don’t like hate, tried to hose down the rogue Swellians, “Who’s booing? Who was that? Fuck mate! Free contest free tour, fuck!, wake up!”
Following suit, even Mick turned on his former boss, telling Logan he isn’t into the mid-tour cut, scissoring the SUP aficionado with “Personally, I wouldn’t do it”.
The smiling face of Logan, broadly benignant, was in no mood to back down, hosing away Mick’s claim that “rookies can’t establish themselves” with a stunning retort, “I think Barron (Mamiya) would disagree with that, he seems to be doing fine.”
A wildly effective coup de grâce.
Mick, wounded, retreated into a series of “Look, look” etc.
Logan, again, very good on the offensive, “I always come back to the fact, we get to a place where we’re focussing on crowning a world champion,” he said.
Vaughan hoots, “Shirts off and into the octagon boys!”
Good times!
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Wayne “Fish” Lynch. AKA “Fish, Lorne”
Barton “The thinking man’s Surfer” Lynch
James “Chappy” Jennings
Richard “Dog” Marsh
Glen “Mr X” Winton
Robert “Gnat” Young
Rod “the box” Kerr
Richie “Skeletor” Collins
Damien “Dooma” Hardman
and Morgs and Conner
Jake the snaking cunt Paterson
Vaughan Blakey sits where the dogs shit,every time.
What about a handle for Grif? Im thinking Shit for Brains
Not allowed to say that anymore, it’s “homeschooled” lol
Alexander “John John “ Florence
“I got really fascinated by the power of the mind.” -Griffin Colapinto
Need to cut it down more. 16 guys is plenty
Look, despite him being one of the most notable WSL-Yes Men there is, I like Vaughn. He’s charming and creative.
But his – and Stab’s – typical refrain that “It’s free! You shouldn’t complain!” is so indescribably far off the mark that I can’t stand it. The surf fan pays for this, all of this. Otherwise it wouldn’t exist. If surfers didn’t buy boards, wetsuits and trunks, there’d be no (poorly selling high-margin) T-shirts, WSL tour or Billabong-sponsored podcasts. Those fuckin Swellians better boo that grinning outsider, it’s their duty. Don’t just talk about the “Mongrel Spirit” Vaughn, embrace it. Mikey Wright ain’t a mongrel, surf fans are. (As for Jed, his schtick is 100% tired.)
Like every sport I know, I watch them all for free on TV
Ya. Cunt mafia with zero power or respect
Not to mention with our time watching 805 commercials on loop
That beer is pure awful to drink, even worse to look at.
Here’s a novel idea for the WSL- make the CS contests watchable instead of an unending slog through shit. Save that for the QS contests which no one on earth, besides a parent, watches.
I think the opposite, its a very defined pathway to the big leagues.
Don’t have to chase points on a global level with the regional qualification series so More chance of Gazza the plasterer doing well.
She eats up that Queen of Snapper shit.
Wouldn’t want to lose that.
ELo sucks but he’s right. Who needs more rookies middling in the table? Who cares?
If someone is good enough, they’ll stay on. We’ll get rookies who might challenge for the title, not more guys who qualify, then drop off year after year. Who wants to see that? Yes, we’ll lose some good ones, but if they’re good, they’ll be right back up and won’t fuck up again.
Hard to say it, but I’m with the Sweeper on this one. Cut ’em.
I could be wrong but I think it is a requirement that ct surfers compete in at least 1 challenger series event each season. similar rule the had with qs events. same thing different name
I wonder what happens if they totally bomb out. It would question their CT suitability certainly.
Yeah, look, ummm, look, yeah I just think, that y’know, ummmm, the world’s best surfer shouldn’t be, y’know, crowned in a wave that, look, is ummmm, pretty friendly for kids under 8.
But boy scouting and altar boying was also supposed to be friendly to boys under 8, no? What hidden dangers lurk in those fabled creek mouth cobblestones astride Interstate 5
ELo sitting naked and standing proud on the inside ready for anyone to impale themselves on him when their 7th frontside reverse comes unstuck…
You used to have 2 tours. The QS and the CT. Now you have the QS, CS, And CT. The CS is still a pro contest. Its just not as cool. Get over it.
Also the tour is dying anyway. Still. Its been for sale for 2 years now with no takers at $150m? If it was functioning in the black it would have sold already.
Shit i forgot that it was for sale, but still no takers!?! WOW
I got $5 on it
Hey hey hey!! What if we all put it, like $5 each?!?!
Then we would have easily like… $50.
Will be a better offer than anything they’ve received so far!
Carwash!
Hows the bodyboarding tour going ?Some heavy waves going down in Arica yesterday
Arica is always such a sick event. How that place was only ever a qs on the surf tour blows my mind. IBC is making headway. Lots of things they need to iron out but Chile is dumping $25m into bodyboarding and most aussies are bummed that all the contests are all in latin america. Problem is the govts there are giving away money to make events happen. I went to PR to sure up our regional championship final event and asked for $40k they told me to up it to $75k and they are in. Made that decision easy. I try to get govt help in the states and get told to F’off. APB int came up with a killer contest for pipe that was basically a freesurf jam session, that maybe what we do in some really weird setups in the u.s. soon. Like places you cant hold a real contest at, but are insane slabs
Some crazy heats in the finals , highest heat scores seen in a good while. Nuts!
I tend to not like perfect 10s but, damn amaury deserved both of those! Dont think you could ask for better conditions in a final.
Make or Break to catupult Jed Smith into mega-stardom and untold riches. Next season follows his internal battles dealing with mega stardom and untold riches!
Easy to act tough until you get punched with an obvious rational argument.
The final 5 thing at Trestles is shit for a number of reasons, but the cut isn’t a bad idea.
If you throw scoops of various shit at various walls for a few hours, you can see which shit sticks more often than not. These are the people above the cut. Why lug the other buckets around to other walls on your little tour when their contents are not as hi-perf?
The shittiest shit theory (and this metaphor) falls apart when we get to Trestles, because instead of a juicy championship-worthy wall, it’s, uh, … Trestles.
Take the top 5 only at the end of the year and decide it at pipe.
Be over and done in 2 hours and the locals be stoked have there waves back!
Well… this is it, eh?
A few questions:
Is pumping Trestles likely in that window? Is pumping Trestles ever actually a thing? Is pumping Trestles a patch on mediocre Pipe? Is mediocre-shitty Trestles better that shitty Pipe? Is the chance of a couple hours of a decent wind cleaning up shitty pipe for a quick few years better than a decent wind cleaning up shitty Trestles for a couple hours?
All my instincts say the power inherent in shitty Pipe is still in a league of its own compared to the film-flam of almost any day at Trestles.
I think this is a marketing / Cali thing with easy car parking, denser population and more likely than not a jab at the state government in Honolulu.
Always need the juicy walls.
A better retort might have been that Margs winner Jack Robinson probably wouldn’t have been on tour if they’d done the cut last year.
That dickhead obviously lost his marbles when he got blown by that surf photog (or was that his brother).
Bells isn’t free entry unless you are a member of Surfing Vic, or one of the industry hangers on. Talk about out of touch.
Odd. I saw it for free and I’m not a member nor part of the industry.
Do you reckon people in torquay really watch it online when the contest site is 5 minutes away?
Depends if;
A. They can get past the gate fee.
B. They can find a different way to physically see it other than within a fenced compound.
How did you get in? Via southside? Bit of a walk but doable on the low tide. Via winki is a bit more iffy.
I’ve no idea mate. Never been there. I’m just speculating.
Point is that it’s basically free on line with a better view via cameras.
I’m sure being on the beach / stairs is cool but for 99.9% of the people who want to watch it, that ain’t a possibility.