A brave new future?

Not often does surfing’s most popular, and only, safety advancement of the last 50 years come under fire but we live in unprecedented times.

Following this past April’s utterly tragic death at a river surf park in Bend, Oregon, wherein 17-year-old Ben Murphy became trapped underwater for six minutes, staff undertook a rigorous evaluation as to what led to the horror.

It was determined that there was a gap between a gate and a solid block that gives the wave its shape. That has since been addressed along with a sweeping ban on leashes.

Per the report:

The review also found that a leash attached between Murphy’s leg and his surfboard, as well as low water conditions, may have played a role in his death. To that end, the parks department said it will prohibit the use of leg leashes at the Bend Whitewater Park for now. That rule may be adjusted in the future.

Parks staff said if people violate the leash ban, they may flatten the surf wave to gain compliance. They are also recommending that people wear helmets and a personal flotation device when surfing on the wave.

All much common sense but imagine the carnage this leash ban would impose on ocean beaches. Many 8 foot funboards rolling through lineups, knocking heads, causing ouchies. With helmets and personal flotation devices, though, maybe not too bad?

A brave new future?

Something to think about.

Surfline and its fans under fire from long-time Malibu surfer and Hollywood star…

British-born actor Minnie Driver, star of cult movie classics Grosse Point Blank and Big Night, as well as box-office smash Good Will Hunting, has taken to social media to vent over Surfline’s lack of gender diversity in its content.

Driver, who is fifty-two, became enraged after the wave forecasting titan posted a clip of Maui’s Eli Hanneman waving a whiff of Pipeline’s fragrance on his finger.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Surfline (@surfline)

Amid a sea of praise, Driver, who still holds so much of the soft beauty of her girlhood, wrote,

“Why do you virtually never show videos of women surfing. Want me to send you some?”

One groupie shows up swooning, “Great point!” but other readers are less impressed.

“They post cool videos and the coolest tricks are done by guys,” writes one.

Driver responds, You don’t get out enough sport.”

“Please provide comparable clips,” writes another, reasonably I think.

Driver fumes, “Or show up and recognise its fucking 2022.”

Driver, a keen surfer, keeps a sweet little two-bedroom joint painted mint green in a Malibu mobile-home community called Paradise Cove, also home, I believe, to surf journalist great Sam George.

“I’m a long-time surfer. I lived in this community in Malibu for years… Early, late evening, whenever the wind’s good, waves are good, I’ll be out there.”

Ménage à trois.

A steamy, unseemly and entirely unexpected naughtiness broke out, overnight or during cocktail hour (depending on current location), between besieged Australian voyeur website Swellnet and your very own BeachGrit. Days ago, the pert latter revealed that the aged and lightly gross former had become in trouble for illegally erecting cameras in order to gaze at virginal waves. A revolt against the perversion broke out amongst Swellnet regulars which was brutally quashed.

Censorship etc. not un-similar to a Jeffery Epstein NDA.

BeachGrit, however, part of no ugly trafficking cabals, exposed the scandal and the righteous indignation that flowed, forthwith, through Australia’s morally upright.

Major media picked up the story, with Australian officials decrying Swellnet’s “lack of consent” and “surveillance of public space.”

Dirty business.

Exposed, once again, Swellnet’s chief editor, Stu Nettle, took to the most popular surf forum in order to post revenge porn. Nettle wrote on BeachGrit:

Appreciate all the free advertising, Chas. As big as Surfline? We wish, but we’ll get there.

For the record: The Fishos camera has consent. A contract was signed in 2020. Almost every social media post about it has been incorrect, most particularly the administrator of the Respect Bells Beach FB page who’s been citing clauses in legislation that simply don’t exist.

We’re currently going through correct channels to clarify our position. Normal transmission will resume shortly.

Embarrassment? Nah, but not realising your Australian biz partner wanted BeachGrit to partner up with Swellnet might cut it.

For the record, we said no.

The aforementioned ménage à trois between Nettle, BeachGrit principal Derek Rielly and Chas Smith a clear act of revenge porn even though Swellnet apparently denied consent. I would have been happy in the tub, to be honest, as I am sure Reilly would have been especially since he solicited.

I’ve always admired his taste.

Hurtful.

Deeply hurtful.

Also “Normal transmission will resume shortly?”

Cosby-esque.

The question now, will Swellnet attempt to cross swords once again or go back to knocking on doors and announcing itself to neighbors as a registered sex offender?

Currently more questions than answers.

Lewd and rude.

Days ago it was announced, here, that Australia’s answer to Surfline, Swellnet, had recently decided to strong-arm the public by erecting cameras pointing toward cherished once-secret waves while also brutally censoring opposition on its various pages. Extremely un-American. Mostly un-Australian too.

Totalitarian, though, and lewd.

Following expose of the dastardly moves on BeachGrit, a source that the forecaster has been unable to silence, the Great Ocean Road Coast and Parks Authority ordered the cameras ripped out forthwith. An official with liberty to speak declared, “We have directed that the cameras at Fishermans Beach be turned off immediately and removed. We will continue to investigate the circumstances of other CCTV cameras that have been installed without consent.”

Ultra-embarrassing.

Swellnet has also come under fire for installing looky-loos at Winkipop though the GORCPA is unable to curtail the “surveillance of public space” due the fact that the cameras are on private property.

All this creepy behavior, lack of consent, etc. would, in a perfect world, lead to Swellnet being banned from coming within 100 meters of schools and having to go knock on neighbors’ doors and inform them of its exposed proclivities.

Here’s to hoping justice is served.