Dirty Water with existentialist Julian
Wilson, “I thought I watched Bruce Irons die in front of me, I
thought I watched Nathan Fletcher die in front of me, I thought I
was going to die!”
By Derek Rielly
And a wild account of watching Maya Gabeira being
pounded into unconsciousness at fifteen-foot Teahupoo…
This episode of Dirty Water hits a high-water mark, I
think, as Ben Mondy peels layers from “the best
surfer in his generation never to win a world title” Julian
Wilson.
Many revelations, including Julian’s arrest as a teen, the day
he stared death in the face, not just his own, but Bruce Irons’,
Nathan Fletcher’s and Maya Gaberia’s, how he was forced to become
the family breadwinner at fifteen after his mama got hit with
breast cancer and why he wanted to beat hell out of a fellow
competitor.
Good looking and nice smelling as opposed to Mondy’s stale
smell, rather yellowish, like Gruyère cheese.
Essential.
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Ultra-famous DJ Diplo punches world’s
greatest surfer Kelly Slater in the mouth by turning 11x surfing
champion’s signature spring suit into must have fashion accessory
of the year!
By Chas Smith
"This wetsuit provides more buoyancy to the center
of your body rather than the perimeter."
I would say that Diplo, born Thomas Wesley
Pentz, is the world’s greatest surfing DJ if it weren’t
for one Fisher i.e. Paul Fisher. The latter is, of course, a marvel
and had a healthy career in our watery game before discovering the
tools and creating a banger that will live on
forever and, thus, a more lucrative career. That
aside, the former rips.
Or maybe not rips but surfs.
In any case, you are certainly familiar with the spring suit, a
wetsuit the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater has spent much of
his life attempting to popularize, but has generally fallen
flat.
It is entirely worthless, of course, and didn’t catch fire even
with Slater’s diligence but now Diplo wore one to a fashion
show and now it is a must-have fashion accessory, the
it “surf gear to hit the waves this summer” with.
V Man magazine recently released its coveted Surf Gear to Hit the Waves
this Summer guide and Diplo’s exact same Moschino
springer is featured alongside Solbari rash guards and Sex Wax.
It is described thusly:
With patented technology that sets ROKA apart, this wetsuit
provides more buoyancy to the center of your body rather than the
perimeter. Thanks to the Nano Coating, it reduces surface drag and
provides more speed and durability for your surf session.
You in?
Slater sad to lose historical footnote to Diplo?
More as the story develops.
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Double E slings a seventies-style claim at the
oft-maligned, but not today, judging pack.
Kelly Slater “masterfully shames” Jack
Robinson as Corona Pro J-Bay winner Ethan Ewing drowns in praise,
“There is no other surfer on Tour whose style and technical gifts
are so universally admired by pundits and fans alike!”
By JP Currie
"But although he’s flavour of the month right now,
there’s a sense that his smoothness and perfect positioning often
masks the difficulty of what he’s doing, and that presents a
problem we’ve seen before."
The culmination of things is so often a let
down.
Christmas days, birthdays. Eventual coupling after intense
flirtation. Childbirth.
Surf competitions, especially.
How many times have we been tantiised, tickled and teased
through the early rounds, only for Finals Day to fizzle limply to a
close?
Not so this time. J-Bay delivered from beginning to end in a
three-day blitz and without a lull.
Yesterday’s critique about lack of drama and true sporting
tension remains valid, but that’s a problem of a structural and
perhaps philosophical nature to chew on another time.
Viewed simply as a standalone contest, we’d have to consider
J-Bay an unqualified success.
Beyond the quality and consistency of the waves, the best heats
occurred on Finals Day, including the final itself, and that’s a
rare bird.
If there’s a clear-eyed surfer alive who doesn’t consider Ethan
Ewing to be a just and worthy winner, I’d invite you to stand up
and state your case.
The first superb battle today was fought between Kanoa and Italo
in the second quarter final.
With just over twelve minutes on the clock and holding a slender
lead, Kanoa broke his leash. Whilst he was on the beach, Italo
dropped a well-deserved nine.
Fewer than four minutes remained by the time Kanoa made it back
into position, and only two when he spun on a wave significantly
smaller than that of Italo’s high score.
From the start, it didn’t look like having the potential for the
7.91 he needed, but somehow he turned an average looking wave into
an excellent score that was impossible to disagree with.
If you didn’t see it, I invite you to watch the three turns
performed in the mid-section of the wave, after his lip-line carve
and before his brief cover up. All critical, and not a pump to be
seen.
It was smooth, beautiful surfing, and although the finish after
the tube was a little safe, he certainly deserved the 8.33 he was
given that turned the heat.
Lost in the drama was how Italo sustained the injury that saw
him limping up the beach in the aftermath. Luke Egan reported from
outside the treatment room in hushed tones that suggested Ferreira
was fighting for his life. Fortunately, he wasn’t.
Kanoa was typically complimentary of himself in his post heat
interview, remarking on his “grit”, among other attributes. This
might be grating if it weren’t for the fact that everyone else
seems to be adopting Jack Robinson’s patented blandness and being
“in the moment”.
Fuck that, Kanoa seemed to say. I’m the present and the
future.
Two of the best backhands of the event were up next in O’Leary
and Dora, but really it wasn’t much of a contest.
The clear difference was illustrated not just through Dora’s
turns, which were a little more critical and varied, but through
his criminally underscored 6.5 for a backside rotation that I’d
doubt O’Leary has in his locker.
UNDERSCORED, it reads in my notes in block capitals.
The rotation was high, clean and explosive. One of the best
we’ve seen all year.
It was one move on a wave of lesser quality when scores were
being awarded for multiple turns, but here’s the thing: it was the
best possible surfing that could have been done on that wave. Not
only that, but perhaps only three or four other men on Tour could
have done it.
When you can do manoeuvres no-one else can, especially the
surfer you’re competing against, you should be appropriately
rewarded for it.
Jordy vs Ethan to round out the quarters was predictably
disappointing for a heat so hotly anticipated.
Ewing won with a paltry heat total of 11.50, but Jordy more or
less gave it to him by pulling into three closeout barrels in a
row. It was a strange tactic for someone who professes to know the
wave so well. He couldn’t manage a score over four points, a
significant comedown from yesterday.
Over at Swellnet, Steve Shearer lauded Smith as the best surfer
never to win a world title. For someone who’s never made any impact
in hollow lefts especially, I think that’s a stretch.
Much as I appreciate Jordy’s talent, in the modern era I might
put Taj Burrow, Julian Wilson and even Dane Reynolds ahead of
him.
Shit, I might even throw Jeremy Flores and Owen Wright in
contention, too.
What do you reckon?
Despite being out of the water for Finals Day, Kelly Slater had
his say in the booth.
We were reminded once again just how superb he is in this role.
Aside from his encyclopaedic memory, and his authoritative
knowledge, there’s little flubber. He can dissect performances and
give context without wandering too far from the action at hand.
Best of all, he’s completely direct and not afraid to criticise
decisions or performances.
At this stage, I’d rather listen to Kelly commentate than watch
him compete.
Uncle Goat, as Robinson referred to him yesterday, got his own
back on the whippersnapper by saying he’d asked Jack who he was
pointing at in his continual, over-the-top claiming style. There
was no response, apparently. Jack seemed to have been caught a
little off guard with the question, said Kelly.
Of course, it was less a question than a masterful shaming.
Chalk that one down as a Slater victory.
The second best heat of the day was Yago and Ethan’s semi
final.
A mere 0.17 points separated the two men when the horn sounded.
The definitive blow was Ewing’s opening wave.
The surfing was clean, incisive and powerful.
(In a hushed tone I might suggest there was a little wiggle in
some of the bottom turns, but just a little.)
“I don’t know how you surf that wave better,” said Slater,
matter-of-factly. “Give him a nine.”
The score came in at 9.07.
It was surprising to note this was his first “excellent” score
of the event.
Yago responded by going to work on his backhand with the same
arresting style he had for the past two days. A mid seven followed
by a mid eight gave him an early lead, but Ewing was always going
to overturn it.
Yago threw everything into his turns to try and regain the lead.
Needing an 8.77, he launched an inverted rotation to finish a
solidly surfed wave. It was another example of a repertoire his
opponent didn’t possess.
Slater said no, then yes after examining the replays.
The judges took their time.
Eventually, three of the five gave him the score he needed. The
average somehow came shy of the requirement by the slimmest of
margins. 8.70.
And so to the final, and possibly the most entertaining heat of
the event. An ideal scenario seldom realised.
Jack Robinson began ominously with an 8.83, despite pumping down
the line for some distance on a foamy part of the wave then kicking
out. There was no dynamic exclamation point we might expect to
warrant a high eight.
Some of the waves today required a bit of nursing through the
middle section. One of Ewing’s advantages is that he makes going
straight look good.
In addition to his patience and poise, he makes few mistakes and
rarely falls. This was evidenced again in the final. Beyond his
first score of 0.50, which I didn’t see but presume was a kick out,
his other four waves in the final all scored over seven.
As in his semi, a nine was decisive. It was punctuated by a
significant claim, perhaps not the first time Ewing has ever
claimed a wave in competition, but certainly the first we’ve
seen.
Perhaps it was a genuine and unconscious expression of emotion,
as all good claims should be, or perhaps he was succumbing to peer
pressure and the zeitgeist of this current crop of WCT surfers.
Or perhaps, as I’d like to believe, it was a combination of
genuine emotion plus tongue-in-cheek mockery of Robinson’s habitual
and overused pointing claims.
Robinson fought hard to get the 7.98 he needed to turn it, even
displaying tactical nous of the highest order to sneak a wave under
Ewing’s priority. It was a move that peeled back the vicious
competitive layer underneath the zen facade, and I for one enjoyed
it immensely.
But in the end, the people’s choice won, and when he did it
seemed both satisfactory and correct.
It’s just a shame that an all-but-assured place on Finals Day
will not be at a location that does justice to Ewing’s surfing.
Expectation is a heavy burden. No-one knows this more than Ethan
Ewing.
In 2016, at just 17 years old, he finished second on the QS and
won the World Junior Championships. Super-stardom seemed assured,
and people weren’t shy of saying it. But his first year at WCT
level in 2017 was an abject disaster.
Despite being compared to Andy Irons at every turn, Ewing barely
won a heat. He exited nearly every comp in last place and silence,
finishing the year in 34th position.
Back to the QS he went, eventually finding his way to the main
Tour again for the shortened 2021 season. He was better, but still
burdened with the weight of Australian expectation and AI
comparisons that had transitioned from bizarre, to ludicrous, to
simply embarrassing.
But comparisons are no longer necessary. This season we’ve
finally seen the Ethan Ewing that was prophesied.
J-Bay might be his first victory, but the carpet has been rolled
out all season. There is no other surfer on Tour whose style and
technical gifts are so universally admired by pundits and fans
alike.
But although he’s flavour of the month right now, there’s a
sense that his smoothness and perfect positioning often masks the
difficulty of what he’s doing, and that presents a problem we’ve
seen before.
A problem that looks a bit like Joel Parkinson.
Parko eventually won a title, of course, but it seemed so
overdue it was almost too late. His surfing never evolved, the
surfing around him did.
In some ways Ethan Ewing seems to fit in a different era. It
remains to be seen if he can compromise his aesthetic to fit the
competition mold.
Really, it’s an impossible transition. If you had inch perfect
technique and flow like Ewing or Parko, why would you change?
But although beautiful surfing wins hearts, dirty surfing more
often wins heats.
Let’s forget that for now, though.
Forget that it’s all a bit pointless because we’re going to
Trestles regardless.
And forget that style doesn’t win world titles.
Let’s just stay in the moment, as they say.
Beautiful surfing won J-Bay, and today we can celebrate
that.
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Lesbian/feminist, activist, novelist, poet,
playwright utilizes wonderful surfing metaphor to describe gender
fluidity: “Like surfing, we balance ourselves in the curl as we
perceive that wavy space between the binaries.”
By Chas Smith
So hot right now.
Our sport of kings/queens is, as you know,
ripe-to-bursting with metaphorical juice. The control, patience,
skill it requires. The forever long learning curve. The elements
beyond human control that must be navigated. Waves, man. Waves.
Surfing has been used to paint richly poetic pictures in business,
medicine, relationships, science, internet technology, etc. but
this morning I stumbled upon its most fabulous employment yet.
To describe gender fluidity.
For the dull and dense, gender fluidity, as defined by Harvard
Health, “refers to change over time in a person’s gender expression
or gender identity, or both. That change might be in expression,
but not identity, or in identity, but not expression. Or both
expression and identity might change together.”
Very hot right now and recently written about by Jewelle Gomez,
a lesbian/feminist, activist, novelist, poet and playwright in the
San Francisco Bay Times using our surfing as expressive
vehicle.
Since I was a kid, I’ve always loved people and screen
characters whose gender was somehow undetermined. The popular terms
now are “gender fluid” or “non-binary.” Finally, we have words for
thinking about the exciting tension that is aroused (and I use that
word deliberately) when male and female genders seem to overlap and
refuse determination. Like surfing, we balance ourselves in the
curl as we perceive that wavy space between the binaries.
That wavy space between the binaries.
Gorgeous.
The piece continues, examining various television/movie
characters who exhibit gender fluidity and the tension that society
can feel when “things are not presented in a box” before ending
thusly:
Many people feel uncomfortable “not knowing” when all the
expectations are subverted. My feeling drawn to that “not knowing”
doesn’t mean I would rid the world of other gender presentations. I
just think it’s valuable to allow yourself to feel what it takes to
stand on uncertain ground and make evaluations based on only what
you learn from a person in the moment and not based on societal
preconceptions. It’s a kind of balance, again like surfing, but
without fear of drowning.
And there you are.
Something to think about today while you are out grom
abusing.
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“Emotional” Ethan Ewing crushes world’s
best under heel, including former child prodigy Jack Robinson, to
win Corona Pro, J-Bay, in epic conditions, “What a beautiful
display of surfing!”
By Derek Rielly
Ewing rarely looked troubled on his road to
victory, delivering the death blow to Matthew McGillivray, Jordy
Smith, Yago Dora and Jack Robinson.
In very good, but less than perfect, four-to-six-foot waves,
the Australian Ethan Ewing has won the first event of his
career, solidifying the twenty three year old’s position in the
coveted top five.
Ewing was untroubled on his road to victory, delivering the
death blow to Matthew McGillivray, Jordy Smith, Yago Dora and Jack
Robinson.
His season has been transformative, career-wise, including three
third-place finishes, at Sunset, Bells and Margaret
River.
This medium-sized boy with perfectly even little teeth that
sparkle like mother-of-pearl and with a blue glint and who surfs as
if he was on a tight rope, leaves South Africa rated third in the
world and with a one hundred-thousand dollar cheque and
ten-thousand tour points.