Ornery sea lions act part of “grumpy locals,” send women and children stampeding in fear for their lives off beloved La Jolla beach!

"It's not a great feeling to have 200 to 300 pounds roll over you."

Sea lions – they’re just like us! Summer time, as you know in Southern California, can bring wild crowds to local beaches. Surfers used to easy parking, through the colder months, and clear paths across clean sands to perky waves are met with bumper-to-bumper jams and delicate dances around sand toys, spike ball set-ups, to water choked with inland teenagers riding inflatable pool toys.

It can be frustrating.

So frustrating that it can lead a child birthing person to mutter naughty words under breath.

Two sea lions took it further and mild invectives, yesterday, and went full grumpy local on unsuspecting women and children enjoying the sun and sea in beautiful La Jolla.

While some ocean scientists suggested the ornery beasts, likely male, were trying to protect their breeding spots by chasing interlopers, Eric Otjen, Sea World’s in-house sea lion expert, declared that they were simply engaging in a classic bit of surf rage not uncommon on Australia’s Gold Coast.

“He’s got swimmers all around him on his way back out, but they don’t bother him. What this is all about is his right to mate,” Otjen told San Diego’s local NBC affiliate, adding: “This behavior is not uncommon at all. The reason why the video has gotten like 10 millions views is because everybody is running like Godzilla is chasing them. It may look funny that everybody is running, but it’s not a bad choice. You don’t want to be caught in the crossfire,” Otjen said. “Even if they don’t bite, it’s not a great feeling to have 200 to 300 pounds roll over you.”

While I would, and do, normally cheer cranky behavior, sea lions always get up on my wonderful friend’s sailboat and make it stink so bad. Approaching with the dingy, they will be lounging like big stinky fatsos on the sugar scoop, making ugly faces and uglier noises. All the rope reeks with their pungent yuck, when they slither off after being berated, but not much more can be done. They are protected, here, and so the only allowable defenses are flimsy and dumb. Harbor patrol will even come by and dismantle deterrents if they appear too ominous.

Sea lions suck and that is all I have to say about that except to note that 5000 lbs of methamphetamine was just taken off San Diego streets.


One more thing, though, doesn’t it seem like fat shaming to opine “It’s not a great feeling to have 200 to 300 pounds roll over you…”?

Certainly not World Surf League approved messaging.

"We are going to put on the best professional surf contest EVER!"
"We are going to put on the best professional surf contest EVER!"

East Coast Surfing Championships, “oldest and longest continually run surf contest in the world,” gets eye-popping $750,000 tax payer infusion ahead of August window!

Feat. The Offspring.

Think you’re pretty smart, surfer boy? Ok, what is the oldest and longest continually run professional surf contest in the world? WRONG! It is not, in fact, the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach that takes place every easter in Torquay, Australia but rather the 60-year-and-counting East Coast Surfing Championships which calls Virginia Beach, United States of America.

And the ECSC just yesterday received a tax payer shot in the arm with VB’s city council voting to pitch $750,000 and this years festivities set to take place August 21 – 28.

“It’s a dream come true,” Dee Nachnani, owner of Coastal Edge surf shop, told The Virginian-Pilot after being told of the cash infusion.

“I’m overwhelmed,” added Tony Pellino, chairman of the event. “This is just an amazing opportunity for the city.”

But imagine with me, if you will, a whole new crop of east coast American surfers being supported, financially, by their local governments. Imagine how they will flourish not having to worry about “jobs” or “work” and instead focusing on rail and air games. Imagine a red, white and blue challenge to Brazil’s utter dominance.

Oh say can you see?

In any case, some of the money might be going to secure musical acts for the week as opposed to professional surfer development. Shows during the week of revelry used to be free but now tickets will be sold and the tax payer will recoup 25% of the revenue.

The Offspring have been locked as performers with others to be announced soon.

The Offspring were my least favorite group from surfing’s golden era of pop-punk.

Which was yours?

Also, with this news, is flim-flam World Surf League CEO Erik Logan going to go on a tour of American municipalities and sing and dance for dollars?

Comment live, day one, Corona Open J-Bay, “The swell forecast is absolutely incredible! It’s pumping!”

Thought provoking! Wild! Sexy!

Filipe Toledo and the storied "perfect heat on one wave."
Filipe Toledo and the storied "perfect heat on one wave."

World Surf League CEO Erik Logan hopeful that upcoming Corona Open J-Bay “is going to go down as one of the greatest events in J-Bay history!”

Are you superstitious?

Jeffreys Bay, South Africa is no slouch when it comes to being the stage for historically significant moments in professional surfing. Home to that picturesque right-hander that seems as it has peeled right out of our fevered dreams and into reality, the greats have left indelible marks reverberating through time and space.

Who could ever forget Filipe Toledo’s “perfect heat on one wave” in 2017?

Tom Curren dropping his own 10 on Mark Occhilupo in 2015?

Jordy Smith in 2014.

To say nothing of Mick Fanning versus The Shark.

But this upcoming offering, the Corona Open J-Bay presented by Corona 2022 has a shot at being the greatest of all time, or at least World Surf League CEO Erik Logan is hopeful that it does. Surfline, the official WSL forecast sponsor, has issued a rare “pumping” for conditions that should build through the back half of the week. Surf fans, exhausted after Brazil, El Salvador, G-Land, etc. are sanguine but also extremely superstitious and not wanting to jinx.

Much silence and knocking on wood.

ELo, though, ever bold responded to a young fan on Instagram declaring, “I’m calling it here and now. This event is going to go down as one of the greatest events in jbay history. The swell forecast is absolutely incredible. I cannot wait to watch it go down,” with a hopeful praying hands emoji.

Punching the very idea of luck right in the mouth.

Do you agree? Are we in for the treat of all treats?

More as the story develops.

2x World Champ Tyler Wright (pictured) soaring through immigration and customs.
2x World Champ Tyler Wright (pictured) soaring through immigration and customs.

Surf fans breathe sigh of relief, express gratitude toward Tyler Wright’s travel agent, as current world number 10 overcomes pesky “transit visa issue” ahead of pumping J-Bay Open!

Everything coming up anti-depressive.

I woke up this morning to the news that the Corona Open J-Bay did not run whilst I slept and assumed it was because World Surf League Senior Vice President of Tours, Head of Competition Jessi Miley-Dyer is en route and will be arriving shortly.


Other things to feel good about:

It appears those pesky “transit visa” issues that kept Australia’s Tyler Wright from traveling to, and competing in, Brazil have been resolved. Wright, currently number 10, is safely in South Africa and fans of professional surfing at its highest level are breathing sighs of relief while also expressing gratitude toward Wright’s travel agent. Any person who has ever left his/her/them country of origin knows how sticky immigration, customs etc. can be and even with nearly a year advance notice those paperworks just sneak right up.

The two-time world champion will have some work to do in order to claw into the conversation. The top five female surfers at the end of the year will join the top five male surfers at Lower Trestles for a one day winner-take-all banger. Wright will have to leapfrog Courtney Conlogue, Gabriela Bryan, Isabella Nichols, Tatiana Weson-Webb and Brisa Hennessy to punch her ticket. A tall order but if anyone is up for the challenge, it is Wright.

Lastly, Kelly Slater will be participating. The eleven-time world champion sat out the last two events in El Salvador and Brazil nursing an injury that necessitated surfing large barrels and causing social media storms. He is healed now, though, in time for a run of swell headed for J-Bay that World Surf League CEO Erik Logan thinks might create “one of the greatest events in history.”

Everything coming up anti-depressive.