Hamilton (pictured) in element.
Hamilton (pictured) in element.

Universally revered New York Times viciously snubs world’s best known surfer Laird Hamilton in its sizzling “Beginners Guide to Stand-Up Paddling!”

Save Laird.

Days ago The New York Times, which is inarguably the world’s most respected newspaper, published a sizzling introduction to stand-up paddle boarding. “Go for a float: A Beginners Guide to Stand-Up Paddling” immediately captivated readers with its helpful pointers, suggestions, personal stories and history lesson which we can read, together.

Stand-up paddleboarding (SUP, for short) has likely existed for thousands of years. Ancient cultures in South America and Africa stood on small boats with long paddles to travel, fish or go to war. Polynesians surfed waves using paddles. Most historians agree its modern form took shape thanks to Hawaiian surf instructors like Duke Kahanamoku, who in the 1940s would stand on his board to get a better view of his students.

That’s it.

Zero mention of the one man responsible for modern day SUPing, its inventor for all intents and purposes, Laird Hamilton.

“The snub,” as it is being called in polite circles, has both annalists and analysts greatly confused. Hamilton was once a media darling with adonis-like good looks, fabulously healthy wife and many, many, many famous friends. Why would the newspaper of note fail to include him? Theories range from the writer of the piece losing the family fortune after investing in Laird’s eponymous Superfood to Hamilton being too “male” though, at time of writing, nothing has been confirmed.

More, certainly, as the story develops.

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Raul “raulinho” Martinez
Raul “raulinho” Martinez
4 years ago

I’ve tried his super food creamer, performance mushrooms and coconut water, then I paddled out on a double overhead day at my local break, it didn’t improve my surfing, got wiped out and broke my board! It’s a scam! 😜 🤙Lol Jk I really like his products, just needs better pricing strategy regardless of what his investors say.

Spinafex
Spinafex
4 years ago

Perhaps upon seeing the misery his invention has created Laird asked to be left out of the story?

Wil Stein
Wil Stein
4 years ago

Laird is to surfing what David Hasselhoff is to acting.

Brandon
Brandon
4 years ago

The NYTimes is the biggest pos newspaper. INARGUABLY!!

DudeAbiding
DudeAbiding
4 years ago

Universally revered?
Hilarious.

Jeff
Jeff
4 years ago

SUPers… the road cyclists of the water.

Glen25
Glen25
4 years ago

NY Times a revered news paper?? Hahahaha! Its a Leftist rag. Like Beach Grit.

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
4 years ago

how far to the closest Mickey-Ds?

“McDonald’s Ends McPlant Burger Test in U.S. Beyond Meat Stock Is Falling.”

McPlant face-plants.

Ray Kroc already tried this in 1963.

McDonald’s said, “The Hula Burger was a meatless burger introduced in the 1960’s by Ray Kroc to McDonald’s. It was a substitute for American Catholics that would not eat meat on Fridays. The burger was a slice of grilled pineapple with cheese on a bun. But this was designed to go up against the Filet-O-Fish, which was created by a Catholic McDonald’s Franchisee Lou Groen. McDonald’s ended production of the Hula Burger early on, as it became quickly evident that its alternative, the Filet-O-Fish, was getting much better traction.” (Barrons)

By the way, all meat is plant-based. The cow eats grass, you eat the cow.

squidward
squidward
4 years ago

Hahaha.
“Revered”.
The NYT is a POS publication that can’t even get the basics right.

Litmus and Chill
Litmus and Chill
4 years ago
Reply to  squidward

They’re generally good except when their anti-Laird bias creeps in.

Dan
Dan
4 years ago

As far as innovation and
innovators go, I wish inovation was taboo.
Surfed the all time south swell from new Zealand with five wing
powered foils. It was like surfing with cars driving around the line up.
What did the airplane do ? It shrunk the world.
Hey innovators, we are going
backwards, stop it !
Please

Manuka
Manuka
4 years ago

Objectively, Laird’s creamer is the stuff of nightmares.

Raul “raulinho” Martinez
Raul “raulinho” Martinez
4 years ago
Reply to  Manuka

Just curious, What’s wrong with the creamer and his products?

John Non John
John Non John
4 years ago

Laird has shite surf style, but sure is a fit stud athlete man. NonJohn can easily drink him under the table.

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
4 years ago

I can’t believe they snubbed the king of VAL SUPing…I heard it changed his life, so I think we can blame SUPing for the fall of the WSL.

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
4 years ago
Reply to  JohnsKnees
Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
4 years ago

Leaving Laird out of the history of SUPing is akin to leaving Hitler out out of a history of the Holocaust! Both merit their places in these crimes against humanity!

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago

Amen

disqus_00d1gIXedO
disqus_00d1gIXedO
4 years ago

Laird. What a guy

Simon Says
Simon Says
4 years ago

What does the New York Times have on Chas Smith? Whatever it is, it must ‘inarguably’ be something that would have poor Chas cancelled forever. Maybe his carbon footprint is larger than Taylor Swift’s.

Klein Zack
Klein Zack
4 years ago

The Peruvians preceded Laird.

By many centuries.

Stick man
Stick man
4 years ago
Reply to  Klein Zack

Buy Here. Here and Here.

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago

Last night my wife is reading a pamphlet about upcoming events at a local theater and out of nowhere she asked- Would you want to go see Laird Hamilton speak? I was like fuck no… why? Well… because you like his creamer. (Full disclosure- Yes. I have bought Laird’s creamer. It is still sitting there a year later 3/4 full)

FelipesFrontFoot
FelipesFrontFoot
4 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

I would go. And almost certainly be removed for heckling laughing and general abuse.

Jordy's pout
Jordy's pout
4 years ago

What’s your ticket price threshold?

FelipesFrontFoot
FelipesFrontFoot
4 years ago
Reply to  Jordy's pout

Yeah probably not much to be fair

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
4 years ago

He would step down off the stage and with one bitchslap and not a word spoken you would be an embarrassed quivering mess. Your Wife would get up and move three rows back out of shame.

FelipesFrontFoot
FelipesFrontFoot
4 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

While I take your point, I humbly suggest I am reasonably well equiped to hold my own against him should it come to that

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
4 years ago

Toothbrush shank concealed in your right sock?

FelipesFrontFoot
FelipesFrontFoot
4 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

How did you know?! Are you spying on me again?!

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
4 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

you’ve been creamed by Laird?

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago
Reply to  JohnsKnees

Not a full load

notsurfingtoday
notsurfingtoday
4 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

I’d go see him talk story (not paying though) but it would depend on topic:
Riding massive waves – sure
Riding high in the 90’s early 00’s surf scene- why not
Barista workshop – fuck no
Meet The Entrepreneur – never

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago

I have a feeling these speaking engagements might have something to do with his creamer stock price being in the shitter.

StarJamma
StarJamma
4 years ago

Other talks-
Avoiding Sharks During Your Menses
I Was Born In A Bathysphere
Derrick Doerners Farts Are Super Nasty
10 Reasons To Never Cross The Malibu Mob

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
4 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

I would have upvoted you, but buying Laird creamer? So fail.

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

It was on sale!


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