Advertisement
"You were never going to Tahiti? NEVER?"
"You were never going to Tahiti? NEVER?"

Eagle-eyed oceanographic cartographer discovers universally beloved surf champion John John Florence never intended to sail to Tahiti for upcoming contest leaving surf fans jilted and woebegone!

It's hard our there.

Fans of professional surfing at its very highest level have suffered a difficult year. After the world’s greatest surfer, Kelly Slater, opened with an inspiring win at the Pro Pipeline, it has been a string of semi-bad fortune. Lousy waves, overall, a mid-tour cut that robbed us of Owen Wright, sitting champion Gabriel Medina opting to take a mental health break, universally adored John John Florence becoming injured, Gabriel Medina returning from me-time and becoming injured himself.

On and on though we were treated to a brief moment of hope, of joy, when nearly two weeks ago, Florence posted a message to social media informing his 1.5 million fans that he was “headed south” on his sailboat that was filled with provisions and surfboards.

But Tahiti is south of Hawaii and the Tahiti Pro is the next event on the schedule.

Could he be?

Might he be?

Florence’s name remaining on the heat draw further buoyed the faithful but alas. It was revealed late last night that Michel Bouringez has replaced Blonde Ambition and that Tahiti was never the destination anyhow.

An eagle-eyed oceanographic cartographer, Will Dahlgreen, has sorted that our hero has always been on his way to Fiji.

Surf fans slumping at work desks, carving “FML” into the pressboard, not able to partake in office lunch talk.

Jilted and woebegone.

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.

Join the discussion

Your comments are still here. Every one of them.

Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.

Unclaimed
Handle
Comments
Posting since

Connect Disqus to reveal.

Subscribe
Notify of
59 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Jetson Rover

Oh well no JJF and Medina at Chopes this year.
But let’s try see the positive out of this.
We may get a hasbeen superheat between Hedgey and Bourez.

mike m
sharkguitar

The FBI raided El Slammo! Totally nuking, for the Dream!!!

AI (for ever) .

I wonder if dogs can sail?

That be more interesting

tim_nelsen

make me a sandwich and get ne a shot and a beer/

munnstrosity

Forever our Sandy.

channelbottom

And cornholing.

And SUPs are for horseshoing. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

tim_nelsen

versus SUP golf frisbee…throw me the frisbee CB so I can go chase it!

channelbottom

“I wanna be your dog”

– Mr. I Pop

channelbottom

John emailed me just now and shared the route of his planned voyage. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Hippy

looks like Chas’ neck tattoo, diff angle

NZ

That’s the funniest thing if read that you’ve ever done.
Bravo.

Black Rubber

Also the guy who’s on board to tune the rig said on Instagram they’re headed to Fiji before they left Honolulu.

But good surf journalism nonetheless.

Michael Flatlately

He probably was heading there. Getting east of Hawaii was always going to be tough though, especially in a catamaran. That’s why Hanksy waited so long for the wind to swing in Cast Away. The Director just made out like it was to get him past Shishkebabs.

Sellme fitzgobbins

beachgrit comments on the wrong article again…..
Angry malibu local ha ha isnt that in Merica? sued and cancelled time for angry rich man, hes going to be exiled with carcass from lennox for this one

channelbottom
channelbottom
channelbottom
channelbottom
channelbottom

Edit: I dare not actually listen to this one, lest I sully my ears.

StarJamma

But he’s a guitar master!!!

channelbottom

He’s a ‘master’ something or other!

StarJamma

Aikido master and greatest martial artist of all time, guitar slinger, lovemaker, award-winning actor, philosopher, energy drink maven and reincarnation of the Dalai Lama as well!

Chief Hot stuff

Hella foxy in this one
https://youtu.be/J3_uO5Fa8Oo

Pauly Matt War-Shore
Chief Hot stuff

Hes not hopelessly devoted to Teahupoo.

Chas Smith

Hey! That’s pretty good! (RIP Olivia).

c4

Little bit of a ruckus at Mara Lago, lol.

Chief Hot stuff

Dem Xanadu beckons.

c4

She was gorgeous. Gavin Newsom 2024

Chief Hot stuff

Yikes!!

c4

The Trump Death Star just got a nuke fired down its pie hole. See ya Trumpy!

Chief Hot stuff

Enjoy the bodycount

Hippy

absolutely.

Chief Hot stuff

The FBI just endorsed his 2024 run. Nice of them.

Hippy

fuck yeah

tim_nelsen

he’s doing an admirable job of separating the men from the boys, boys from the girls, and stripping all gender away in the name of equality. “Masks on, masks-off…”

tim_nelsen

half way thru the 2nd episode of Trainwreck: Woodstock ’99…if a politician on either side of the aisle wants to start a riot, make a giant arena super-divisive speech, (no hydroflasks allowed) then follow it up with a heavy metal line-up (in this order):

1- taped version of national anthem on rock guitar by jimi
2- Korn
3- Bush (mellows out the former)
4- Limp Bizcut
5- pay per view on MTV

c4

Surfline has clamped down on us non members. It doesn’t let me see past two days of forecast . What does it say for chopes now. 13th onward ?

tim_nelsen

let’s go back…they missed the bump-up of the 7th thru today…and pushed the coming swell forward to the 17th, and upped the size to 12-15′ thru the 18th, diminishing swell to 5-6′ on the 19th…15-25 knot winds…direction of 263 thru 60 degrees for that 3-day period…strong offshore moving to strong sideshore?

c4

Siiick! That would be awsome if it was that big. Thanks.

tim_nelsen

since we last posted, they’ve extended the 10′ to all day on the ninth…Surfline is so fucking fluid, just like the govn’r!. stay thirsty my friend!

c4

That’s why I asked for an update from yesterday. Haha

tim_nelsen

ever surf stockton ave.?..the Surfer Mag poster i bought for $2.50 and you and barrelled saw is 50 years old! i framed it then and it still hangs on my bathroom wall.

c4

Yea a couple times . I usually surfed more out of the way places like 26th ave that’s around the corner from pleasure point when I was living there. I’d also drive to manresa or Waddell creek. I’m a goofy foot so I like finding lefts to surf. Going backiside at pleasure point or steamers gets old after a while

tim_nelsen

ninth 19th

tim_nelsen

since a day ago, chope’s forecast holding steady…

c4

Awsome thanks!!

Cannabis-Creativity

Did Greg Knoll ever take me-time? 😀

Cannabis-Creativity

Nice wrap-up of the story that never was. It can now be put to bed.

Chas Smith

You don’t think I can milk three more?

astro

Three is nothing to a journalist of your capability.
Three hundred might be a stretch, tho …

Cannabis-Creativity

Do it and I’ll read, bc John John. He’s vanilla boring and fascinating at the same time.

Chas Smith

A triple threat!

Pauly Matt War-Shore

I think the real news here is that Hot Rod Hot Dog started following you.

Chas Smith

Story coming.

Hippy

Dude is so done with the WSL

astro

Sometime over the last 2-3 years he’s simply outgrown them. Doesn’t need them and prolly despises all the corpo fuckery.

tim_nelsen

so he and nearly every other started their own brands…also…

Elroy Jetson loves his Astro and wants to do a tandem surf…


59
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x